drink

it's lonelier not being lonely,
most people are lonely, at night
it's lonelier being happy, alone,
wondering where all the happiness
has gone, after a split-second
of deep wonder and love for life,
after the summer blues have faded
into cheap velvet longing for more
of this nothingness that astounds,
floors me into disbelief an hour
could be just as long as a minute
suspended in amber wine thoughts,
drinking, drinking myself into me,
almost here, almost gone

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

I second Jacob's appreciation for the excellent use of repetition--that's very hard to get the right feel for, and it's both noticeable and welcome. The relationship the piece has with drinking per se is an interesting one--it isn't focused specifically on the literal act of drinking, but it revolves around the cause and effects of the act, but not necessarily on the strictly physical plane, if that makes any sense. There is a delicate balancing act between the literal and the metaphorical here, and it's one you've handled deftly.

[Bacchus]

i like the last two lines the most-
drinking, drinking myself into me,
almost here, almost gone...
I wonder what it would sound like if you started there.

[highonwords]

thank you my friend :)

steph

[Lydia Shutter]

Drinking seldom solves anything. When drinking, I don't think a person becomes more of him/herself....just another version. A grammatical edit for you on this one, "after the summer blues has faded" should be "have faded". This one is a little disjointed. Lydi*

[highonwords]

thank you my friend for the tip and comment and visit :)

steph

[jacob erin-cilberto]

in honesty....i like repetition like this in poetry for effect, but i think it is more effective when not done quite so much---it is more of a surprise that taps into the reader, if used less often----i see this a lot lately in your works...and although several of them are effective and i have liked them...i would like to see you stray away from it for awhile, and then come back to it...

just honest thoughts...

j.

[highonwords]

it's all right my friend - i appreciate your perspective - thank you so much for the comment and visit :)

steph