howl

this poem is about a man about to become a father, the labor starts at about sunset and continues thruout the night

red-breasted, ache-lined,
light splintered to the bones,
the sunset swims out to sea,
turns itself inside out,
to dry in a cloud-whisper,
birds burst out from trees
night comes, a window opens
to let the smoke and screams out,
a blue-stenciled draught hangs
like a lamp chain, i shiver,
i light a candle for my heart,
whispering sermons i learned
by rote from my father's eyes,
a wedge between my ears,
one, hearing her pleas to die,
the other, listening for a howl
to take me away to the other side
of the mountain, nesting animals

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

I concur, at least somewhat, on the notion that the literal meanings of your work are not always immediately apparent or at the forefront of a piece. I am not as concerned with that, due to any number of reasons-- primarily the distances, literal and figurative which separate us, and what strikes me as the emphasis of your work, which seems to be more attuned to the visual than the strength of the thematic string. With that said, this is quite remarkable--the imagery, as has been noted in the prior reviews, is visual and inventive, and the use of language is first-rate. Having it put in a context is helpful, but I believe it stands on its own two feet quite nicely without any footnoting.

[highonwords]

i started this poem with how to capture the feeling of rippling pain - then how to put the pain in a frame/specific context, so this poem took me to childbirth and the labor pains and the terror the father-to-be must have felt and the guilt of not being able to share that pain with the mother/his wife - thank you so much for the review and the visit - i like the 'strength of the thematic string '

my best to you,
steph

[W.k.kortas]

"Thematic string" was a fairly poor choice of words; perhaps "narrative string" would have been more accurate, and conveyed my meaning more accurately.

[highonwords]

it is all right - either word sounds fine to me - thank you for your visit - appreciate it so muchread moreit is all right - either word sounds fine to me - thank you for your visit - appreciate it so much

steph

[barleygirl]

You come up with the most startling & original descriptions . . . like the sunset here . . . I get so tired of the same old boring sunsets! You (so far as I've seen) NEVER succumb to a trite or overused phrase!

I can only barely find the overall message of childbirth buried in your amazing observations of the surroundings, but some people write whole stories by only using setting. I really appreciate the little byline helpful hints to guide the reading & understanding.

This is awesome: "the sunset swims out to sea" . . . that's exactly what it looks like, too, but who ever thought to put it in these terms? You writing is filled with such wondrous stretches of imagination.

[highonwords]

hi margie, thank you kindly for the insights and pointers as to which parts of my writing i should improve - always here to lend help for readers to understand the poem - that is part of a writer's work and calling

always,
steph

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it is mentally and emotionally difficult for the father to see and hear the pain of his mate...but he knows she is physically going through the pain...he hears those pleas...and he longs for a peaceful delivery...a safe delivery...and then a quiet, and happy nest...
i like the way you created this analogy...

as an allegory...it could be a storm...and in reality it has that rage and rupture.

[highonwords]

thank you so much, jacob, for the insightful review and visit - always appreciate your take on poems

steph