Chapter Fourteen: Hope

Mandy and James had taken me to this party. We had first drunk just a little before we went. I was only planning on drinking a little with them at James' house. But after I had taken a few shots, James got call inviting him to a party. I didn't think it would be a big deal. Hell, maybe I would have some fun. It was almost one thirty in the morning by the time we left his house.

It was incredibly dark outside, the moon hung lower than usual it felt. We drove to this giant house on the outskirts of town that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. We passed a few houses on the way out there, but not any close enough to hear the loud banging music blaring from the old structure. I felt odd. We had drove out there with music blaring in the car. Mandy was driving. I was in the front seat and James was behind me with his feet on my seat. I felt this sort of guilt going to the party. All I could think about was MiKey the whole ride. Not that that was anything new. But I just had a bad feeling about it. And for some reason I couldn't push MiKey to the back of my thoughts like I usually did.

About halfway there, James pulled out a little tin can that he opened and pulled a lighter, rolling papers and sandwich baggy with the bottom filled with weed from. He stated that it was dime bag and only cost him 25 dollars, "but the s**t was good." I didn't really care. I hadn't smoked anything since that night MiKey had gotten so upset with me for doing it. I hadn't even touched drugs except for that night I had gotten drunk with Mandy and James. But, that night…I couldn't bring myself to give a f**k.

He rolled a joint none so gracefully, the paper peeling open slightly. He lit it and took a few tokes then passed it to me. I grabbed it without saying a word and took a hit then handed it to Mandy. She only took a hit and passed it back to James. The taste of it was familiar. I had smoked some of this same kind before, I just knew I had. I clicked the radio down.

"Where did you buy this?" I asked. James exhaled and handed the joint to me. I took another hit.

"There are these two guys that live down the street from you. Really cool. Definitely a couple. I got recommended to them when my dealer got busted. They are really nice guys and sell a good price." I nodded and scratched my head.

“Hmm, don’t know them.” 

When we arrived at the party, I realized it consisted of a well mixed ratio of boys to girls. All drunk. It was two in the morning when we walked through the doors but the party was still going.

We started out together, hanging in a circle and drinking a few beers apiece, talking to some people around and about. By three thirty, James and Mandy started to dance and I was all by myself. I hung back in the kitchen, knocked back a six pack of beer on my own and was already wasted. Besides the time I had gotten drunk with Mandy and James…I hadn't been drunk in a very long time and my tolerance wasn't as high as it used to be. So, I was a lightweight. Six beers resulted in me not being able to walk properly or even stand up correctly. Adding the weed to the mix, I was s**t faced. I stood there trying to keep my head together. Holding my head together was hard to do though, especially when some guy came up to me and put his hands on my waist. I flinched, not even noticing he had been there.

"Whoa boy, you're a little wasted huh?" I shoved his hands off my waist and my face turned into a scowl.

"Don't touch me." I said. And even to me my voice sounded cold. It was different and I didn't even recognize it was me speaking at first.

"Aw, come on now. Don't be like that. I was just trying to give you a little support. You’re having some trouble standing there babe." The endearment I think was what lit the fuse. This guy didn't even know me and was calling me 'babe.' Where the f**k did he get off doing that? The second thing was him putting his hands on me again, only this time lower. I shoved his hands off and attempted to move back a step.

I tried to say, "get your f*****g hands off me." But the sentence didn't quite come out like that. It was more: "get…f*****g…don't…f*****g touch, me." This guy didn't get the hint though. He continued to touch me. My shoulder, my stomach, my waist.

"Don't be so cold. I'm just trying to be nice and help someone out. Especially someone as cute as you. You know…I think you'd be just marvelous with that cute mouth of yours. I can see it. You like to suck c**k huh? How about we go upstairs and just... relax a bit. After you've calmed down we can have ourselves a little fun." His breath reeked of alcohol and I didn't understand how he could just be so blunt about wanting to f**k me. Most guys at least try to play it off and hint around but this guy, he was obnoxious. I pushed him away, finding myself speechless.

"Go away." I stuttered out. A hint of fear now along with anger. He put his mouth next to my ear.

"Come on. Let loose darling. Don't be a little b***h about it. I can rock your world if you want me too. Make you scream my name. Make you cum harder than you have ever came before. I can do it." He laid one hand on my shoulder and the other on my face. He pressed his hips against mine pinning me to the counter. This guy was stronger and bigger than me and he had me pinned, that was the last straw. Along with all my anger more and more fear built up. What was he going to do to me? There was no one in the kitchen anymore and the stairs were a little too close for comfort. If he wanted to, he could have no problem dragging me up the stairs and no one would see. I used all my weight and pushed him off me. He stumbled back a few feet. I took my chance to dodge around him. This man who must have been in his 20's was obviously some sort of athlete. He was fast. As I tried to get away, he grabbed my arm and slung me back against the counter.

"Get the f**k off me!" I yelled, this time more able to articulate the words. His hand flew over my mouth and I closed my eyes.

"Don't be that way. I just wanna show you a good time. I am sure I can make it happen. Now, you can let me do it or I can just do it anyway and have a bit of a challenge." And with those words, some tears slipped over. There were people just two rooms over, why wasn't anyone there? I shook my head.

"Aw, don't cry. I'll try to be gentle, but I can't make any promises. Come on now." He turned me around to face the stairs and more tears slipped over quickly. He pushed me forward and when I wouldn't move he picked me up off the ground and my feet started to kick. I tried to kick his knees, but he was taller than me and stronger. He had a tight hold on me.

"You came to my party, drank my booze, I think you owe me a little something. Now be a good boy and stop f*****g kicking around." He whispered harshly in my ear. I sobbed behind his hand, still kicking and squirming as much as I could. I tried to get loose using all my strength. But I soon gave up, knowing he was too strong. And once we neared the stairs I felt this deep fear settle deep in my abdomen. More tears slipped over. I was too drunk and useless to cooperate correctly. He had only managed to get me about three steps up when I heard James' voice though. I swear in the that moment I couldn't have been more grateful to hear his voice.

"Hey! Let him go!" He stood there for a moment with his hand still over my mouth.  Then, all the sudden the hand was gone from my face and my feet hit the ground. I ran around him and down the stairs as fast as I could. I tripped on the last step and it sent me flying forward into James. He caught me and helped me stand. I shook.

"What the f**k is going on here?" James' voice was booming. One of his arms was around my shoulders, the other was in the air pointing at the man who had almost succeeded in raping me. My heart pounded in my chest. I hid my face in James chest feeling like a vulnerable girl who couldn't take care of herself. But hell, I may as well have been one considering the state I was in. The man started to walk up the stairs, not saying a word. James whispered in my ear.

"Hold on, okay. Stay right here." He let go of me and ran to the top of the stairs where the guy was and grabbed him by the shirt. "Listen and listen good! Don't you dare f*****g touch my friend ever again and don't you dare ever touch anyone else!” James was about the guys size so he didn't have a reason to be afraid of him. When the guy spit in his face though, James  threw him down the stairs. He tumbled to the bottom and hit his head on the floor with a sickening smack. He groaned and took a moment to sit up and cower against the counter. James ran down the stairs and punched him a few good times before grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the kitchen. People were already starting to crowd around. When we got out the door he stopped me.

"Are you okay?" A few more tears slipped over but I nodded. He nodded too and pulled me down the side walk to the car where Mandy was waiting. When we got in the backseat and Mandy noticed James knuckles were bleeding and I was shivering; she screamed.

"What happened! Oh my god!" James took a few deep breaths.

"Some guy tried to do something to Angel." He struggled with his words.

"Oh my god! Are you okay? We need to call the cops!" I shook my head.

"No! No, no. No, I'm fine. He didn't get to do anything - James…took care of it. Calling the cops will just get us in trouble and he won't get charged for anything since all they can prove is that James assaulted him." She stayed quiet for a moment and then turned back around in her seat. We sat there for a little while until we saw people filing out of the house. I didn't tell James or Mandy about what he had said to me. Or that I knew he was planning on raping me. Or worse…killing me. I shivered. James cast a glance at me and stared for a moment. I looked over at him and he sighed.

"I'm so sorry man. Had I known what was going on, that would have never happened. It's my fault and I'm sorry. We shouldn't have even came here tonight." I shook my head.

"It's not your fault and we're all fucked up. Let's just go back to my house and sleep this off. It'll all be okay in the morning." He nodded and Mandy drove silently.

 

------

 

    As we pulled into the driveway from the drive that was only supposed to take a half an hour but ended up being an hour, I immediately hopped out of the car and puked up all the liquid I had in my stomach. It burned and stung so bad that I almost started crying. The heavy bile came out my nose somewhat and I stopped to catch my breath. It was still dark out, the sun was starting to rise though. I stumbled up the door and I pulled out my keys. The first try at getting it in the key hole failed. The second one also failed. Finally, Mandy took the key from me and opened the door. I stumbled through the door and tripped on the door mat falling flat on my a*s. I huffed and attempted to pull myself up off the floor. I was still on my knees trying to stand when I realized that the lights were on. James and Mandy stood staring at something I couldn't see. I finally gained enough balance to pull myself to a standing position. And I was face to face with my dad. He had a cup of coffee in his hand and was staring at me colder than I had ever seen him stare at me. James took a step back.

"Maybe we should…leave." He sounded out. My dad still locked eyes with me. Not letting my gaze go.

"I think that would be best." My dad said in a stern voice. They turned and went to walk out the door and he finally broke eye contact.

"Uh, uh. Leave your keys with me. I think you have been driving intoxicated enough for one day. If you live too far away I can drive you home, otherwise you're walking." James nodded softly and glanced out the window to avoid my dad's stare. He handed over his keys and sighed.

"We can walk." My dad just nodded and they left, shutting the door softly. I sighed, still feeling just as drunk as I was before. But this time the floating feeling turned into spinning. The whole room started to spin. I sat down on the bar stool in front of my dad, closing my eyes.

"Angel, look at me." He said. I didn't want to. I felt like I was going to puke again, so I shook my head. He slammed his hands down on the table.

"I said look at me!" His voice made me jump. I looked up at him slowly and tried my hardest not to puke everywhere as the room started spinning faster and faster.

"Yeah?" I managed to gasp out.

"What the hell was going through your mind tonight? Huh?" I just shook my head as I felt tears starting to surface.

"You didn't tell me you were going anywhere and I didn't know what to do when I found out you weren't here this morning. I tried calling your cell and you didn't pick up. Now, this may come as a surprise to you, but I do actually care where you are. I may not have a year ago, but I thought we had gotten past that! I thought we established that I was your father again! When I saw you weren't here, I was pissed but before I was pissed, my heart had leapt into my throat! Angel you were not only drinking underage, you were driving intoxicated and didn't even warn me you were gonna be out endangering yourself!" Some tears slipped over.

"I'm sorry." I managed to choke out. I heard him sigh.

"Stop crying and don't apologize. It won't do any good. I’m disappointed in you. I thought you were done making bad decisions." And with those words I stared to sob.

"That's not fair!" He stared at the floor.

"I said stop crying." His voice was empty.

"Dad!" I cried harder while also trying to catch my breath.

"I said stop f*****g crying!" He yelled. That hurt worse than anything else. I dropped from my seat into the floor on my hands and knees, attempting to stand and walk away. The alcohol and the tears managed to keep me down. After a few tries though, I was finally standing. I stumbled past him to the stairs and somehow, in gods will I suppose, made it up the stairs without falling. I found my door with difficulty and ran straight for my bed. I curled up in the middle of it with my head in my knees sobbing for all I was worth. I had come undone, I felt it. The screaming started along with the sobbing and the retching. Then I stood, grabbed my alarm clock from the bedside table and chucked it at the far wall.

"F**k!" I screamed as loud as I could. It smashed with a sickening crack and fell to the ground. I then grabbed my TV remote.

"F**k this!" I screamed and cried and sobbed as I chucked it at my TV. It missed and hit the wall. Then I picked up a book from my book case and threw it at the door.

"F**k my f*****g life! F**k you! F**k me! F**k this god damn unfair world! F**k! F**k!" I screamed out every word with everything I had. No pausing, no stopping to breathe. My throat was sore from screaming so much but through the tears and the sobbing, I couldn't find it in me to care. When I couldn't find anything else to throw I proceeded to punch the wall, over and over again. I didn't have the strength to really do any damage to the wall but my knuckles were scraped. I fell to the floor on my a*s and proceeded to scream into my knees again.

I faintly heard my door slam open. Then I felt hands on my shoulders. I knew it was my dad.      

"Angel, calm down." He said in his f*****g casual doctor voice as if I meant nothing. I pulled away from him swiveling myself around to face him.

"F**k you! F**k…you! You don't f*****g care! I failed you, I know. It's my f*****g fault! But you should be used to it! I f*****g fail everyone. I failed MiKey. I failed him so bad that I f*****g ruined him! I don't even know how he can still love me! I failed you. As a son, as a person! I fail at everything in life and all I ever do is hurt people! What the f**k is the point in living if all I ever do is fail! Tell me! Cause I can't find a reason anymore. I'm done. I'm done trying with this s**t. I am done hurting you! I am done hurting MiKey! I just want to f*****g die! I'm f*****g done! So, leave!" And I felt it. This dark blackness that just filled me. It filled my thoughts making me see that it's possible that I don't have the will to live anymore. I just wanted to die. I just wanted to stop hurting everyone around me. I just wanted to leave and let everyone see how much better off they can be without me. I finally realized that I can die and it will be best for everyone. So, I knew that I should.

But then, for the first time in my life I saw tears in my dad's eyes. Not just in his eyes. They were spilling over. He was crying. This man who was so strong supposedly…was crying. I made him cry. He never cried. He has told me before how miserable he was but, I had never seen him cry. But, there he was, standing in front of me crying. His eyes were pleading. I could see how much sorrow and regret was held there. How much he really did care about me. And it stopped my thoughts of dying immediately.

"Angel, that's not true. You didn't fail MiKey. What happened wasn't your fault in the least. You couldn't have stopped that. Sure, you could have told someone, but that man would have done whatever he wanted to do to MiKey regardless. You could not have stopped that. As for me, I don't even know where you think that you failed me. I failed you, as a father, as your guidance. I was supposed to be there and I never was. And I realize I was wrong to say what I had just said. I was pissed. I was doubting myself as a father and I projected it onto you. I know you love me. I know you want me to be your father. And yeah, you made a mistake about not telling me where you were going. But then again….what teen doesn't do that at least once in their life? It was just a mistake, not a failure. You didn't fail MiKey and you didn't fail me. You know what a failure is? Someone who has a downfall but doesn't even try to stand back up again. You, you are so strong, Benjamin Angel. So strong. Despite all of these things that have happened, you managed to get back up. I don't know how you have done it but you did. You haven't come this far too just fall off the earth!

You are always there for MiKey and you would give your life for him. I don't think that even comes close to classifying as a failure. As for me, you have tried to do the right thing and until tonight you did. It was just a mistake, not a failure. Remember that. People can make mistakes. It's nothing that even comes close to justifying giving up. You cannot give up. If you gave up then you would be a failure. Despite what you are thinking, I love you. MiKey loves you. And we would not, ever be better off without you." My sobbing had stopped and now it was just tears falling steadily. I looked up at him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I whispered. He tried to hold back the sob in his throat. He stood and held his hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me up to my feet and into a comforting embrace. That sob of his finally let go and he broke down in my arms.

"I know…I know we have done this before Angel, but I want to start over. This time we'll do it right. I am your father, you are my son. And damn it, one of these days we are gonna get it right." I nodded and smiled.

"Okay dad." He let go of me and wiped the tears from my face and then from his.

"Go to sleep, you’re still drunk." He said. I nodded.

"I love you dad."

"I love you too son." This time I curled up on my bed and because of all the s**t that had happened. The scare at the party, the argument, emotional drainage, and alcohol, I passed out. 

 

------

 

It was 3 in the afternoon when I awoke again. My mouth tasted awful. And by awful, I mean so bad to the point that I felt I was going puke. My jaw hurt from clenching it shut so tight while I was sleeping. I sat up slowly and the room was spinning. I felt a deep nausea set in. Not only did my mouth taste awful, my stomach hurt, and I was dizzy. I also had a pounding headache. With each breath I took I could feel my brain pound deep within my skull. Almost as if my head was going to explode. I set my feet to the floor and stood slowly, trying as hard I as could to make the dizziness go away. As I walked to the bathroom my head swarmed more and more. My nausea increased and I felt my jaw tingle and my mouth water as if I was gonna puke. I felt it start to come forward. I burst through the bathroom door just in time to hunch over and puke up all of the liquid still in my stomach. With each retch and sickening noise of the vomit splashing in the water, I tightened my grip on the bowl. Finally, after my chest ached and my neck hurt from the strain of each gag, nothing else came up. I flushed the toilet immediately and stood shakily. I could feel myself shaking uncontrollably and I didn't like the feeling. My teeth chattered but my stomach felt better. I stripped off my clothes and got in the shower. Stepping under the hot stream on the water made my muscles loosen and the chattering stopped. I just stood there for a long time. My head was empty and for once I wasn't swarmed with thoughts. I just stared at the wall adjacent to me.

"F**k." I muttered. I grabbed the shampoo and washed my hair, then scrubbed my body head to toe, feeling gross and nasty. Then I stood under the steady stream for what felt like an eternity until the water ran cold. I felt better all over though. My headache was gone and so was the nausea.

I stepped out dripping and soaking wet, shivering. But, instead of putting a towel on I stood in front of the mirror and examined myself. I had lost weight, most of it being muscle. My basketball build was gone. I felt ugly and skinny and cursed myself for not working out like I should have been. Not only would it have helped my muscles it would have helped my sexual tension and the frustration of everything else. I didn't understand why I hadn't remembered that. I turned from the mirror done with the self-hate and turned the water on in the sink. I scrubbed my face and then brushed my teeth for a really long time; getting all the plaque, morning breath, and puke out.

I dressed and glanced at the clock on the cable box. Four thirty. I ran down stairs to see no one was in the kitchen. So, I ran back up the steps and went down the right hallway, to my dad's office. I knocked before going in.

"Come in." He said. I opened the door slowly, feeling awkward. What was I supposed to say to him?

"Hey," is where I started.

"Hey, are you feeling okay? Better?" I nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I actually feel a lot better. You... you really made me see what a dumb a*s I was being." I chuckled a bit. He shook his head.

"Sit Angel. First of all, you’re not a dumb a*s. Well, a little bit but that is just because you take after me," He paused to chuckle. "And second of all, I have some news." That made me forget about how awkward I felt and I immediately sat in the chair across from him.

"About?" He straightened some papers on his desk and cleared his throat.

"MiKey." My heart raced in my chest and I couldn't help the lurching of my stomach.

"What?" He then looked me in the eyes and smiled.

"Well, I went to trial yesterday. You weren't anywhere to be found when I got back. And you didn't answer your phone. But we have already cleared that up. Anyway, I went and…the adoption finalized." I felt like my heart was going to drop to the floor. I couldn't fight the tears that surface immediately. I had gotten so used to the fact that MiKey was gone that I hadn't even thought about what it would be like to have him back. But the joy that filled me was instinctual. I couldn't stop it. This warmth spread through me and this relief washed over me. It felt as if someone had lifted the world off my shoulders. I couldn't help the gasped out "what?" It was a mix of a gasp and a whisper, the ability to speak completely eluding me. I couldn't find words.

"The adoption finalized. But…" And with that but, I felt like I was going cry.

"What?" Some of the tears slipped over stubbornly. I couldn't stop them.

"Don't cry Angel. I just wanted to tell you that, he won't be able to come back for another week. But, it has been 6 months so I don't think that one more week is going to be too hard to handle." I sighed so dramatically it almost didn't feel real.

"So, he is coming here? I am gonna see him again? He is coming back to stay?" My dad nodded. I stood quickly and started to pace around to keep myself from bawling. I paced and wiped the tears away over and over again.

"Oh my god. Oh my god." It had been half a year since I saw his sweet face. I felt like I was going to lose it. I wanted someone to sedate me and not wake me up again for another week until MiKey was in my arms and I could sleep again.

"Angel?" I looked at him.

"This is your chance to be a man. This is your chance to show MiKey how much you love him. So, don't hurt him again and by that I mean, when something bad is happening you tell someone. And you love him with everything your worth and never ever let him walk away from you like I did with your mother. Never let him go if you truly love him and if you know he loves you. Do the right thing and don't let him down." I nodded.

"I won't. I won't ever let him down again. I won't ever let him get hurt again. Not if it's up to me. If it's in my hands he will never ever be hurt again." I stared at my bare feet. I would never let him be hurt by anyone else.

"Dad?" He nodded to signify he was listening.

"Mmhm?"

"What ever happened to his dad? I didn't…I didn't kill him, did I?" My dad looked at his desk and shook his head.

"No, Angel, you didn't." I sighed.

"What did I do to him?" He looked me in the eyes.

"You put him in coma for a while. He's out of it now. He’s in prison for a very long time. He's not gonna hurt MiKey anymore. Not anymore." I sat in the chair in front of him.

"How long was he sentenced?" My dad looked down at his hands.

"Don't worry about that, Angel."

"Tell me, dad." I wanted to know how long he was going be put away. I needed to know he was going be gone for good.

"He was sentenced six years for the rape, ten for never having MiKey classified as a US citizen, and they also found out about him cheating on his taxes. He was sentenced fifteen years for that. So, twenty five to life; given good behavior.” I slammed my hands on the table.

"He is getting six f*****g years for rape!? Only six?! He caused my love trauma and destroyed his world but he only gets six years! What the f**k kind of a country is this!? He is getting more time for embezzling on his god damn taxes then he is for taking the innocence of a human being? That is not fair. That is too f*****g wrong!" This hate and anger built up inside me to the point where I felt I was going to just punch a hole in the wall. I wanted to throw something. I wanted to throw a fit. But being angry would not do anything. It would just make things worse. I sat back and tried to control my breathing.

"Angel, listen. He is only getting a little time yes…but let me tell you something. He is going to a prison that is… well, it's not a good one. No prison really is, but this one is…really bad. So, even if he doesn't have much time there, you won't have to worry about him anyways." I nodded as my heart rate slowed.

"Hopefully they make him feel what he did to MiKey."

"He will regret ever hurting MiKey. I promise." I nodded.

 

------

 

I called MiKey. That was the first thing I did. I ran to my room and slammed the door shut and grabbed my cell, dialing frantically. He didn't pick up the first time I called. He didn’t pick up the second time. Finally, on the third drink, he answered and I sighed.

"Hello?" His voice was rushed like he had just ran a long ways.

"Hey baby. It's me." I heard him sigh.

"Angel. I thought it was you, I was in the shower." I smiled.

"Oh, sorry." He let out a little laugh.

"It's okay, is there something wrong? I heard my phone ring at least three times." I laid back on my bed.

"Did my dad not tell you?" I heard rustling around.

"Hold on babe. I gotta put some clothes on so I'm not standing naked when my roommate comes back." With his words I just pictured MiKey standing naked and wet after a shower in my room. With his gorgeous body and cute tail that draped over his amazing a*s. The mental image made my already tight jeans grow more strained. I sighed and suddenly felt guilty. I still felt weird thinking about MiKey like that after all this time. But, there was no way in hell was I going to tell him that. I loved him. I wanted him. And I didn't want anyone else. But, there was still that nagging guilt. You cant think of MiKey like that. Not after what happened. And I know that's wrong. And I can think of him like that because he would want me to.

"Angel? Are you there?" I snapped out of my trance.

"Yes, I'm here. Sorry, been spending a lot of my time in space." He laughed softly. I loved that sound.

"Yeah, me too. It's been affecting my school work, thinking about you all the time." I smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too…" There was a pause then he sighed. "So, did you have something to tell me?" Then I remembered quickly the reason I had called him in the first place.

"Yes! My dad just told me…" I stopped my sentence.

"What?"

"Well he just told me…" I paused again, a smile forming.

"What!?"

"A week." I smiled knowing he still would have no idea what I was talking about.

"A week what?"

"A week until…" I heard him sigh.

"Seriously? Don’t f**k with me." I laughed.

"A week until you can come back here; with me."

"MiKey?" I heard something that sounded like a hitch of breath.

"A week?" It was a hushed voice as if he couldn't quite find his breath.

"Yeah." I smiled again, stopping the tears. I wasn't gonna cry anymore. I was finally done with that. There was no reason for it. So, instead, I smiled and enjoyed the warmth that rose inside me. The tingling feeling that reached my toes. The nervousness that rose up inside of me about seeing him again. Like, that feeling when your crush kisses you for the first time. When you first start a relationship and everything makes you float.

"I can't…I can't. Oh…my god." I nodded to myself.

"One week and I can see you again. One week and we start this whole crazy a*s relationship over from the beginning. We'll do it right this time, love. I'll do it right this time. I promise." I heard his breathing.

"Yeah. I can't… I can't wait." I laughed softly.

"You have no idea."

 

------

 

The day drug on as if a million years were trying to pass within an hour. I talked to MiKey on the phone for a few hours until we both agreed we needed to eat something and he had homework to finish. After we were done talking, I was bored and annoyed that I had a tent in my jeans yet again. Sexual frustration was building more and more every day and I hadn't done anything about it in so long. We didn’t need to say anything sexual, he just had to talk to me and serenade me with his deep, smooth voice. That was really all it took.

I was lying on my back; I stared down at the tent in my jeans and let out a loud sigh. I just wanted it to go away without having to jerk off. But, I knew it wouldn't. I thought about just doing it. Then I thought about how Mandy had made me buy that thing. The thing that I never opened. That thing that I shoved under my bed and forgot about. The thing that kinda made me uncomfortable and at the same time, really, really intrigued me. I hung off the side of the bed and lifted the covers up. I stared into the darkness under the bed and then spotted my box. I pulled it out and set it on the bed. Opening it slowly, I stared into it. A few things were scattered there. Some really special CD's, notes from some old friends, a memory card to my play station from a few years ago, and…the thing. I picked it up and stared at it. It was still in the package. Still brand new. I started to open it, my curiosity peaking. I could feel myself gaining some more courage and by the time I had it open, I actually wanted to try it. When it was open I turned the switch on the bottom and it vibrated in my hand almost violently. I switched it down a notch and it vibrated softer. I smiled mischievously. I was about to stand up and go lock my door when it opened and my dad walked in.

"Angel, I wanted to…" I gasped and clicked it off before I threw it in the box, slamming the lid down on it.

"Yeah?" I asked, my breathing heavy and my cheeks burning red. My erection was officially gone.

"What's that?" I looked down.

"What's what?" He put his hands on his hips.

"What is that, that you just threw in the box?” My heart beat quicker. That was the last thing I wanted my dad to know. Not only was I gay, but I was also very much liked to take it. I sighed.

"It's nothing, really. What is it you wanted?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"It's not nothing Angel, it's something. Something you don't want me to see. What is it?" I was starting to get frustrated, he wouldn't give it up.

"It's nothing! Nothing. Really. Please, just let it go." He shook his head.

"I am not gonna just let it go. If it's drugs or alcohol or something you are gonna hurt yourself with I wanna know. Now." I let out an exasperated groan.

"Please dad. It's not anything like that."

"I don't believe you." He said sternly.

"It's not…" I looked at the mattress starting to get angry. I didn't need to prove myself.

"If you can't tell me, it's obviously something bad Angel! I'm not stupid." Then my angry got the best of me and I yelled, the filter completely gone from my mouth.

"It's a f*****g vibrator dad, as in a sex toy! I didn't think it was necessary you knew that your son owned a f*****g vibrator!" I opened the box grabbed it and held it up.

"See! Not drugs! Not alcohol! A sex toy!" My face was on fire.

"Oh…"

"Yeah, oh!" I yelled.

"I'm…" He stuttered out.

"Sorry? You're sorry? Too late, you've already humiliated me!" He stared at the floor.

"Guess I should just trust you next time." He said softly. I put the vibrator back in the box and sighed.

"Yeah." My face was still bright red. I could feel the heat in my cheeks.

"Um…well, I forgot what I came in for in the first place." My hands wringed together nervously.

"Well, do you think you can leave so I can sit here and be horribly embarrassed without you standing in my presence?" He nodded.

"I really am sorry. And…I guess I will talk to you whenever you’re ready." With that he left the room and shut the door with a click.

I threw myself onto my back and started laughing hysterically, my hands on my face.

"Oh my f*****g god!"

 

------

 

I barricaded myself in my room for the rest of the day; only leaving twice to eat. I fell asleep early around nine and woke up in the morning at six, when my dad came in my room.

"Angel, you need to get up and shower and get dressed." I groaned and was confused.

"What? Why?" I heard him sigh.

"Just do it!”

"It's Sunday!" I heard him groan this time.

"Just do it please!" His voice was strained.

"Okay, okay. F**k." I said.

"Please stop cussing around me." I groaned again.

"Whatever." My door shut and I closed my eyes for another moment, willing myself to get up. I then fell back asleep by accident. It wasn't until 8 did my dad come back to see I was still asleep.

"Angel! What the hell! I told you to wake up!" I sat up slowly from bed.

"Okay, I am."

"You better f*****g hurry. Go shower and get dressed. Now! I'm running late!" I still had no idea what he was talking about and as I was about to ask, he slammed my door shut.

It only took me about ten minutes to shower and dress. I pulled on my jeans that had the rips and tears in them here and there. They were a light wash pair that clung to my waist. They were my favorite and were comfortable. Then I picked my black t-shirt that had Red Hot Chili Peppers on it. I couldn't remember where I had gotten it, but I did remember I hadn't worn it in forever. I glanced at myself in the full sized mirror on my bathroom door. I looked pale and really skinny but I dismissed it and walked downstairs. My dad was running around frantically, collecting papers and trying to eat a banana.

"Dad?" I asked. He started to talk around a full mouth.

"Angel, can you get in the car? We need to get going." I nodded.

"Your car?" He waved his hand at me like it didn't matter. I didn't wanna drive so I grabbed his keys. He collected the rest of his papers, briefcase, and threw his banana peel in the trash. He followed me to the car and I handed him the keys before hopping in the passenger’s side. It wasn't until we were all settled and he had calmed down did I ask him where we were going.

"Well, it's a surprise." He said excitedly and smiled at me. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

"Uh huh…better be worth it." I said skeptically the smile still on my face.

"I think it will be rather to your liking. But, before the surprise I need to stop by my office and drop this s**t off. Which I should have done a half hour ago, if someone wouldn't have fallen back to sleep. Now we are cutting it close." He down shifted and picked up speed.

"So, what's this surprise?" I asked. He laughed.

"You think I am gonna tell you what your surprise is? I think that defeats the purpose." I sighed.

"Well, you gotta give me points for trying." He let out another short chuckle and I realized just how much I sounded and looked like my father. For once, it made me really proud to be his son.

 

------

 

The car ride was long. After he had dropped his stuff off, like promised, he gunned it. We were on the interstate going at least 90 for a long while. The whole ride consisted of talking, music, and me trying to get him to tell me where we were going. Finally we came into the city. He drove a little while longer and I was getting impatient. It had been an hour and half.

"Dad, come one now. Please just tell me! I beg of you!" He punched me in the arm softly.

"Shut up, were almost there." I looked out my window and watched all the people and cars. Finally, he started to slow down right outside of the airport. I was confused.

"What are we doing here?" He didn't say anything as he pulled the car around to valet.

"Thank you sir, we will have you parked, here is this card, just show it to one of us whenever you’re ready." My dad gave a curt nod and paid the man, slipping a tip in with it. I sighed.

"Dad, answer me." I felt myself getting nervous, my heart starting to thump in my chest.

"It's your surprise." I restrained myself from hitting him.

There were people everywhere, hustling and bustling about. They were talking on cell phones, eating, or just trying to find their way around. I was one of those people, standing near my dad trying to not look so lost. I followed him through terminals and down escalators. I tried not to think about anything. Finally, we stood near a gate that read fifty four.

"Are we going somewhere?" I asked.

"No." He looked around.

"Then what are we doing? Are we just gonna stand here and watch people. Is this…about MiKey?" He looked at his watch.

"You can keep talking all you want for another ten minutes; I am not going to answer you." He said in a monotone voice. I sat on a bench next to him and jammed my hands in my pockets.

"Fine." I slouched and pouted. He sat next to me and watched as people walked here and there.

"Ten minutes before I get to know huh? This isn't a very fun surprise." I heard him groan.

"Could you quit bitching, Angel? Please? Just wait." I looked around.

"Fine." I sat for a while. Maybe three minutes, maybe five. Then I stood and walked around a bit.

"Don't go too far." My dad's voice echoed.

"I won't, jeez." I paced for a bit then walked back to the bench. It took all I had not to say anything to him about why we were waiting, if it had to do with MiKey or if he was truly trying to torture me. I stood there and bit my bottom lip and crossed my arms. I was just about to say something else when I saw it.

We were on the second floor. It was a square, all glass windows ceiling to floor. There were benches down the right side and all the left side. In the middle, there were two escalators side by side, under this canopy. The canopy read, gate fifty four. We where sitting a few feet in front of the escalators so, I could see all the people that started popping up. There were first a few men in Army uniforms. Then there was an old lady who had some trouble walking. As soon as she reached the top, an old man came to her and grabbed her hand and kissed her cheek. Then there was a young girl, she didn't greet anyone when she came to the top. She had this look of discomfort and sadness written on her face. To my side I heard a woman screech as her little boy came to the top of the escalators with a tall man. He ran to her and jumped in her arms, she picked him up and twirled him around kissing his cheek and then started to cry. I turned and faced my dad he was looking at the woman too.

"Okay, dad, why are we here. Honestly?" He didn't say anything for a moment. Then he glanced behind me and then back to my face. I was confused and my heart slammed into my chest, beating erratically. I turned around. What I saw was a boy with baggy jeans on and a red button up shirt. His hair was brown and cut to about three inches from his scalp. It was ruffled up and his shoe was untied. Grey ears twitched with each step and a tail hung low behind him. It took me a moment and double take to realize it was MiKey. As soon as his brown eyes met mine I swear my knees got weak and I started to shake. His smile turned to a frown and he stopped about ten feet away from me.

"Angel?" His voice rang in my ears. I swore no one else could make me name sound as sweet as he did. How I missed hearing his voice. How I missed seeing his gorgeous face. I couldn't move or speak or think. I just stood there staring at him. Finally, after a moment of me staring, he launched towards me. It only took a few running steps and he was crashing into me at full speed, legs around my waist and hands in my hair. I caught him and stumbled back a few steps, thanking god I didn't fall back on the ground. Before I could say anything, his lips were crushed to mine. It was such an amazing feeling, his body against mine. It felt so real, so good. It wasn’t like the memories and fantasies that played through my head. He was really there. His warmth spread through me like an fire and I sighed so deep against his lips I swore I could have breathed for him. He tasted so sweet, his lips so soft and warm. I wanted to melt. I felt as if I could have. I could have died and been completely content. I wanted it never to end because right then, right there was when I really finally felt just how much love I had for him. How much he loved me back. It was then that my world spun in a different direction and I life as I knew it had stopped because it had really just begun in a whole new way. I had never felt more alive than I did then holding MiKey up and feeling his affectionate lips upon my own.

We finally broke apart, my forehead rested against his. I couldn't think of the right words to say or my breath. There was so much I needed to tell him. But all I could think of was:

"Your hair is so short." I ran my fingers through it. He laughed, breath caressing my lips softly. I closed my eyes to keep it soak it all in.

"I know. Do you like it?" I kissed him again, staying connected until I could finally get my breath back.

"I love it."