Chapter Eleven: I'll fight till my knuckles bleed to make sure you're here with me.

 

"Dad?" My voice broke as yet again the tears clouded my vision. He watched as I crumbled to the floor.

"Angel? God, please don't. Please don't do this here. He needs you right now, get up." To me, my breathing had stopped and the whole world had stopped with it. To me…the roof caved in, I was shot, my heart had all but seized the rhythm in my chest. To the people around me I was just that one guy that made ever around him uncomfortable and awkward. To them I was just some kid who couldn't keep his emotions together.

But, they didn't feel it. They could never understand what it feels like when you see someone for the first time and they capture you and you find you can do nothing at all but dedicate your life to protecting them. They can never understand the heart wrenching, scary, confusing, and disastrous ride you take in falling in love with that person. Most of all they could never understand the dying feeling you get when you know you may never see the person again, and even if you do, they may have found out that you were s**t compared to what they could have. They could never understand how that felt. Because I knew it didn't happen often…and when it did, it never ended well.

I felt the lurching in my stomach, the same one I had when I first saw MiKey on the floor with his pants around his ankles. My stomach turned as the visions of him shaking uncontrollably from fear and violation refused to leave my head. I stumbled to my feet as fast as I could without falling over and ran to the bathroom that was right around the corner. Right as I leaned over the toilet…the contents of my stomach came washing up. I gagged and heaved; the sounds of me throwing up made it worse and caused me to gag again. But nothing came up that time. I couldn't catch my breath. I flushed the toilet and stumbled to the sink, trying desperately to breathe. It wouldn't happen. Breath wouldn't enter my lungs. My chest became heavy and painful.

I heard the door slam open and a blurry vision of my dad came into view. He was saying something, but I couldn't tell what, as the lining of my vision started to go black. I was gasping for breath and the pain only got stronger as no air got in. I vaguely felt myself being sat down on the cold tile floor, my back against the wall.

"Breathe, breathe, in one two; out one two. Come on now, breathe with me. In one two, out one two. Breathe. You are going to be fine, everything is going to be okay. Just take long deep breaths." Finally as his voice came through more, I could piece together what he was saying.

"Angel, stop crying and breathe." Had I been crying? I couldn't tell. All I could make of anything was the pain in my chest. My head began to feel light.

"Angel. Breathe. In one two, out one two. In one two, out one two." Finally after what felt like a forever struggle, air flooded my lungs. I gasped. My whole vision came back and the cloudiness in my hearing was gone. I took a few more gasping breaths before I was reduced to a shaking, panting mess. I did as I was told and attempted to talk long deep breaths.

"Don't do that to me again." I was still panting noticing my dad crouched in front of me with his hand to his heart.

"Wh-what, was that? Wh-what j-just happened t-to me?" He stood and pulled me to my feet. He pulled me into a hug.

"A panic attack. You were hyperventilating. You need to take slow deep breaths okay. Keep counting.” I clung to him, scared.

"I felt like I was dying." I wiped the tears from my face, still shaking. He nodded.

"I know. You have to calm down. Take some deep breaths." I nodded and pulled back from his hug.

"Sorry." I said. He frowned.

“It’s okay. You just have to be calm for a few minutes okay. Take some more deep breaths and relax. I nodded and did as I was told.

“I’m so scared.” I said to him and he nodded.

“I know.”

“I don’t want to lose him. Dad, I can’t.” He looked at me sympathetically.

“I know you don’t but right now we don’t have a choice. Don’t know what is going to happen but I’m going to try my hardest to work something out okay?” I looked at him and gave him a pleading glance.

"Right now, you need to go talk to MiKey, okay? Because he had ripped his I.V. out and locked himself in the bathroom when I left." I nodded. I rinsed my mouth out before I stepped out into the brightly lit hallway. My dad was right behind me. I still felt weak and shaky.

When I arrived down the hall I heard the nurse talking frantically.

"You can't do this! You can't just rip your I.V. out like that."

"Well, I did didn't I?" She threw her arms up impatiently.

"You can't just stomp up any time you want and demand to leave. That isn't the way a hospital works. We are just here to treat you. It isn't our fault that your situation isn't fun! Okay! Now you’re bleeding all over the place and those sheets have to be used again you know?!" MiKey stood up; even to her he was shorter. She had to have been five eight if not taller.

"F**k you. You have been giving me problems since I got here. I don't wanna deal with you. So, do what you want. Call security if that is what you do. I don't give a f**k. I just wanna leave." His voice was bitter. I flinched. I stepped into the room as the nurse paced out exasperated.

"Where'd you go?" He asked, his expression softening at my appearance.

"I had a little bit of a problem. But, that doesn't matter. What are you doing? Why did you do that? Look at you, your bleeding everywhere." I tried to hug him. He shrugged me off.

"Not like it's the first time." My eyes widened at him.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you being this way?" He had hit a point where he wasn't sad or crying, but just generally angry. He was pissed off and I could see it in his eyes. I wasn’t sure which one was worse.

"Doesn't matter. I have like a day left here in North f*****g Dakota before I have to leave to get shipped off to Oregon and I sure as hell am not spending it in the f*****g hospital." I nodded.

"Alright. Just sit down, okay. I'll see what is going on." I turned on my heel to find my dad. He was in the hall talking to the Social Workers. I stood outside the door. I couldn't see MiKey like this. A few minutes later my dad turned to me.

"We're going to drive him to the airport tomorrow. He can stay with us tonight." I nodded.

"Can we leave now?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to sign him out okay. You can go on down the car."

"Alright." I walked back in his room to see him sitting on the bed staring off into space.

"MiKey, we can go now. Let's go." He stood up. It finally clicked that he had changed out of his hospital attire and into the clothes I had brought with me for him.

 

------

 

When we finally got to the car we had to wait to get in because the doors were locked. It didn't take long to see him jogging toward us. I heard the doors unlock. I opened one of the back doors and stepped to the side and waited for him to get in. He glanced at me.

"I'm not f*****g disabled, I can open doors for myself." My jaw dropped.

"MiKey…” I said softly, hurt. I was trying to understand what he was feeling and thinking, but I just couldn’t. I walked away from the door and went to my own side of the car. As much as I tried not to be, I was only human and he was starting to upset me. I knew it was selfish to expect anything different, but I wanted my MiKey back. I watched as his pissed off expression melted from his face as he opened his door. I opened mine too and dropped myself into the seat next to his. I shut my door. He glanced at me and then out the window. The whole car ride there was so quiet. The tension in the air could have been cut with a knife.

Finally, we pulled up to the house. I jumped out and walked to the door quickly. I pulled out my keys and opened the door because I was too impatient to wait for my dad.

"Angel, wait." MiKey came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder; I shrugged him off as I walked through the kitchen and up to my room. He was right behind me. He shut the door and walked over too me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that…I just…I'm scared and mad." I turned toward him.

"I know." I spread my arms out and he ran to me and threw his arms around me and pressed his face into my chest. My arms closed around him and I held him to me.

"I'm scared Angel. I don't wanna leave. I don't wanna leave you." He sniffled and tried not to, but couldn’t help but to start crying. I pressed my face into his hair.

"MiKey, I know. I know but there isn't anything we can do. You have to go okay? Just for a little while. Just a little while and I promise you I'll do everything I can to get you back." He nodded and let out a little sob. I held him tighter.

"What if you can't though? What if you can't and I have to stay there for two more years until I'm 18?" I shook my head.

"You won't, I promise you."

"But, what if you can't?"

"MiKey, shut up okay? I WON'T let you stay there for two more years okay? I won't. So just don't think that way okay? I'm gonna get you out of there as fast as I can." He nodded.

 

------

 

At three in the afternoon, a little while after we had gotten back from the hospital, MiKey and I had laid on the bed. He had fallen asleep instantly, curled into my side; his head on my arm. I laid there and watched him sleep for a long time. A little while later there was a knock on my door.

"Angel, MiKey. I ordered some Chinese. Come eat with me." I sat up and shook MiKey.

"Alright dad, we're coming." I yelled to him.

"MiKey?" He groaned and rubbed his eyes.

"What?" I smiled.

"My dad bought dinner. Come on you have to eat. I'm not taking any s**t from you either." He nodded and sat up.

"Fine." My side felt cold from the loss of heat.

I clambered out of the bed slowly, my arm and leg still asleep where MiKey was laying on me. He followed me. As soon as his feet touched the floor…his arms went above his head in a lazy stretch.

"Do you have a cigarette?" He asked. I nodded and reached into my bedside table pulling them out. I handed him one and put it back.

"Alright lets go." He lit the cigarette, took a drag and handed it to me as we walked out of my room and down the stairs.

"Were you guys sleeping?" I took a drag of the cigarette between my fingers.

"No, I wasn't. But, MiKey was." He nodded and sat down at the table. I handed my cigarette to MiKey and sat down diagonal to my dad.

"Angel, are you influencing minors to smoke?" I looked at MiKey who had now shrunk down in his chair, hid his cigarette from view and now had a guilty look on his face.

"No. He was very willing to smoke. It was all his idea." MiKey looked at me, scared. My dad shook his head.

"I don't like the fact that you smoke, you know?" I grabbed a box of the take out and piled some of the noodles onto my plate.

"I know…but I can't help it. I started and now I can't stop." He nodded.

"How do you buy them? Your definitely not 18 yet." I glanced at MiKey who took a drag of it and then stomped it out on the side of the trash can behind him.

"Um…I got a fake I.D. like a year ago." My dad dropped his fork.

"What?" I sighed and took a bite of food.

"I got a fake I.D. with some of the people I no longer talk too so that I could buy cigarettes and get drunk to forget about my problems. But, the whole partying thing didn't last long before I realized it was getting me nowhere. I just couldn't help the smoking. I couldn't stop." He sighed, picked his fork back up, got some food and took a bite. I looked at MiKey who was sitting quietly and eating tiny little bites at a time.

"Angel…how did I not know all of that was happening? My own son could have been passed out in a ditch somewhere and I wouldn't have even known for days at a time. God, I'm sorry." I nodded.

"Dad, you know what? It was my own fault too you know? I could have just done the right thing. But, I didn't. I've learned from my mistakes alright? I get why you weren't there. No it isn't an excuse…but I get it okay? And I did the stupid thing and took advantage of that. But, I don't do that stuff anymore. I no longer talk to those people anymore and I don't do drugs anymore. I don't need too. I just wanna graduate and go somewhere with my life. I don't wanna be stuck in this f*****g town all my life. So, sure I made some mistakes…but I can't dwell on them and you can't dwell on yours." He nodded.

"You’re right." I glanced at MiKey again and he saw me this time. I touched his foot with mine softly and he gave a ghost of a smile. Or what he could muster of one. I felt my heart break just a little. We all ate in silence for a little while. Then my dad cleared his throat.

"So, what drugs did you do?" I rolled my eyes.

"Does it matter?" He took another bite.

"Yes. To me it does." I sighed.

"Fine, I drank and smoked. Before I smoked cigarettes I used to use the money you'd leave me for pot. I used to be a pretty hard-core pothead. That satisfy you?"

"Pot! You smoked pot!" I took another bite.

"Yep, for about a year. I told you to just forget it because I don't do it anymore." He sighed.

"Okay. Let's not talk about it anymore…" I was almost done eating. when my dad had spoken again. I thought he was talking to me, but he was talking to MiKey.

"So, how old are you MiKey?" MiKey looked up from his food, surprised. He hadn't touched much of it and he was being really quiet. I was increasingly worried about him.

"What?" He looked at me and then to my dad.

"I asked how old you were." He sat up a little straighter.

"Um, sixteen sir." I smiled. My dad dropped his fork, his mouth dropping open.

"You’re only sixteen?" My smile dropped.

"Dad don-"

"Angel, be quiet." I was surprised my dad had said that but, I did as I was told.

"Y-yes sir." MiKey said. He nodded.

"And your smoking?" MiKey nodded this time.

"Yes s-sir." My dad sat back.

"Did Angel influence you?"

"Dad." My dad put his hand up.

"I wasn't talking to you."

"No sir. It was really my decision."

"Ah…I see. So what kinda things are you into MiKey? What are you interested in?" I could tell that MiKey was a little freaked out talking to my dad by the way he was clutching his tail. He looked scared shitless.

"Um, I don't know. The normal I guess. Uh, literature, art, music, science." I could tell my dad was pleased by the look on his face.

"Science, really? What kind?" MiKey shifted around.

"Um, I really like psychology.” My dad smiled.

"You like psychology huh?" He nodded. "What is the-" I cut him off.

"What is this? Twenty questions?" My dad sat back in his chair.

"Well, Angel, I'd like to get to know the boy I'm adopting. He's going to be around for a long time after all." My jaw dropped.

"What?" MiKey said.

"I'm gonna adopt you. Now, you'll still have to stay in Oregon until the deal is finalized…which could take a while. But, you’re gonna be a new installment to our little fucked up family we got here." I stood up and ran to him, throwing my arms around my dad. He stood and hugged me back, patting my back.

"Dad. God, thank you. Thank you." He nodded and pulled away.

"You didn't actually think I was just gonna let him stay there did you?" I took a deep breath.

"No, I guess I didn’t.”

 

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My dad had informed us that we would have to be awake by 10 the next morning. It was MiKey's last night there with me. We didn't know how long he was going to be gone, but that wasn't discussed.

We went up to my room after dinner and I cautious touched his cheek with my hand. He leaned into it and sighed. I asked him softly if I could kiss him and he told me I didn’t have to ask. So, I kissed him. The slowest most thorough kiss I've ever given him. When I had pulled back his eyes were still closed and his breathing was shallow. When his eyes finally met mine, the stare he gave me sucked every last breath from my body. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered uncontrollably. His big brown eyes that were so fierce and so beautiful, always had the same effect on me. I wondered if it would ever change or if forever he would make me feel like every time I set my eyes on his was indeed the first time. I wondered if making love with him would forever make me feel as if I was virgin again. Would he always make me shake with anticipation? It was hard to imagine that it would ever change. I didn't want it too. I wanted it to be like this for the rest of my life. If anything ever happened to me and MiKey, I couldn't see myself with anyone else. He made me feel so different and great and he had stolen so much of my heart that if he ever left…I don't think I'd ever be the same. Finding the right words to correctly express how much I truly loved him was no easy task. It's was too complicated to portray with just simple silly little words. I couldn't point out our connection and say exactly that was it, because to tell the truth, I didn't know. All I knew is that it was there and there was no changing it. There was something there that made us perfect for each other and I could never know exactly what it was. I knew he saw it too. Most people don't find that kind of connection with someone until they are so much older and some don't at all. Some people just settle and I realized I was so lucky to have met him so young. To have met him at all.

As we were packing all of his clothes into a suit case and getting all of his things put away we didn't say a word. Neither of us wanted to think about why we were packing or what was going to happen in the following day. We just went with it. After everything was packed…MiKey sat at the head of the bed with his legs crossed. I sat in the same fashion, in front of him.

"MiKey, I want you to tell me everything about yourself." He quirked his eyebrow.

"You know me.” He said. I grabbed his hands.

"Yeah, I know. I know, but I want to know everything. Just talk to me okay?" He looked at me for a moment and then nodded.

"Alright. My full name is Michael Brayden Danes, but you already know that. My birthday is March twenty first, you know that too. I don’t no siblings and I had only ever had one pet. It was a stray puppy I had when I was like two or something. I remember him though. He was really cute and fluffy. He was black and he was playful. I don’t remember what happened to him. Uh, I've lived in England for a while. Then in Ohio before moving here. Um, oh and my favorite color is blue." I smiled and watched him as he spoke.

"What else?" He sighed.

"Okay then. I have always done well in school. A straight A student. I love to read most anything so long as it interest me. My favorite historical author is Edgar Allen Poe. I could read his writings over and over. I love most any kinds of books so long as they aren't sappy romances. If I had to choose a category though it would probably be modern day scary novels. Like Stephan King and Dean Koontz. Oh, my favorite kind of music is modern rock. But, not the hard s**t. I love the softer kind. My favorite band of all time is Blue October. Oh, and I love Yellowcard almost the same. I have always…always wanted to go to a concert. Like be down in the pit right in front of the stage, being close to the music and right up next to the people making it. That would be so amazing.

“And…Um, I don't really exercise much because I'm skinny enough as it is. Although I do love to walk outside when it is spring and see all the flowers and stuff…sounds gay I know.” He glanced up at me and smiled. I was glad to finally something of a smile since we left the hospital.

“Anyway, when I lived in Ohio and was um…just turning fourteen, I had my first kiss. It was with Daven under this little bridge thing. It was dark out and I was so nervous that I had bit his lip. He bled a little and I was so nervous. A couple of weeks later, we were in his bedroom and he asked me if I've sucked dick before, when I told him no he whipped it out and asked me to suck him off. So…I did. He then sucked me off. A few weeks before I left Ohio he asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. And although I didn’t really want too, I did.” I nodded.

"Why did you do it if you didn’t want to?" I asked him and immediately realized I had done the same thing with Candy.

"I know and the answer to that is…I don’t know.” I nodded slowly.

“Oh and last but not least…I really don't mind when you kiss me." I smiled at him.

"You don't mind?"

"Not at all." I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. He smiled some when we pulled away. I wanted more than anything to keep his mind off of what had happened less than twenty four hours before and what was going to happen the next day.

"You know," I said as I pulled away from him. "We have a lot in common." He nodded.

"We sure do don't we?"

"You know, I’ve always wondered, how come you don't use the name Michael? Or Mike?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I don't like the name Michael too much and the name Mike seems so…old to me. Like only 40 year old men have the name Mike." I nodded. "Basically the same reason you don't use the name Benjamin or Ben. Although, I really love the name Ben." I smiled.

"Really?" He nodded.

"Yeah, why not? Why don't you like the name?" I shrugged.

"I don't know. My mom used to always call me Ben and I don't like thinking about her. She left me when I was only just beginning to see what life is you know? Like just when I was beginning to see things in a new light. When I was ready to ask questions and learn things that kids needed to learn from their parents. I don't know. I kind of went into this depression, cause hell, my mom left and my dad would no longer talk to me. So, when I think 'Ben', I think 'scared little kid who will never know what it is like to have a mother'." He lay back on the bed, his head resting on the pillow.

"We have that in common too." I lay in between his legs and pushed my face into his shoulder.

"Angel?"

"Mmhm?"

"I love you. More than that even. I’d die for you." I took a deep breath and moved so that my mouth was just a few centimeters away from his.

"I concur, my love." I whispered my breath ghosting on his lips.

"Please Angel, will you just hold me tonight. Cause…I need that." I nodded and kissed his forehead. I laid beside him on the bed.

"Come here, baby." I pulled him to me, his head on my shoulder and his legs entwined in mine. I pulled the covers up over us.

"Don't ever worry about anything okay MiKey. I'm never going to leave you." He nodded and curled into my side.

 

We struggled to stay awake for as long as we could, just holding each other and not wanting to let go. He spoke softly a few times and once I saw his eyes start to drift close, I just let it happen. We fell asleep, wrapped up in each other and refusing to let go.

Our restless slumbers didn't last long. I was awoken with a sudden gasp and cry, then movement. MiKey had bolted up into the sitting position. Then he was crying. It took a minute for everything to register because I was still half asleep and it all happened so fast. But, as soon as I realized that he was sobbing and crying, I bolted up my hand immediately flew to his back. I cleared my throat.

"MiKey, shh. Hey now, it's okay. It's okay." He shook his head and choked out another sob. I moved behind him and extended my legs out on either side of him. I pulled him back against my chest.

"MiKey, it's okay, okay? Shh. Shh. Baby it's alright, I'm here okay?" He finally calmed down to just the crying and hitching of his breath. I wrapped my arms around him and held his hands in mine, against his chest.

"Just breathe. Tell me what happened." He was now just shaking and breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Don't say you’re sorry MiKey. Don't. There is nothing to be sorry for." He stayed quiet.

"Was it a nightmare?" He nodded.

"Yeah." I kissed his cheek.

"It's alright. Okay? Just a bad dream. Just a bad dream."

“It was like a god damn f*****g replay.” He said through a quivering breath.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” I moved away from him and laid back down. I pulled him down at my side and wrapped my arms around him.

I held him for a while until I was sure he had fallen back asleep. Then I drifted back to another shallow sleep. I didn't know how long I had been asleep but it didn't feel like very long. When I had awoken again, there was light streaming in through the windows. I looked at my phone to see what time it was. It was eight. I silently got up, pulling myself away from MiKey as slow as I could. Then I put my clothes on. I scribbled a note for him and set it on my pillow.

'MiKey, went into town real quick be right back.'

I planned to go buy him something. I wasn't exactly sure what just yet, but I was definitely going to get him something good. I jogged down the stairs and grabbed my keys. Then I realized that I didn't have my wallet. I ran back up the stairs and crept back into the room to grab the wallet from my bedside table.

MiKey was lying on his stomach, his arms tucked around the pillow. His tail was wrapped around him and tucked under his chin. I kissed his cheek softly before running back down the stairs. When I got into the kitchen, my dad was standing there at the counter with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Where are you going?" He asked. I hopped up on the counter next to him.

"Well, I was thinking about going out and buying MiKey something. Well, I mean I know I am. I'm just not sure what." My dad nodded.

"So, he's still sleeping?" I nodded.

"Yeah."

"Did he say anything to you last night? About what happened?" I shook my head.

"Well, I didn't bring it up because he didn't say anything…I didn't wanna upset him. But, he did have a nightmare in the middle of night. He bolted up sobbing and crying. Scared the s**t out of me. I thought something was wrong." My dad nodded.

"They'll probably make him go to therapy. Actually, I'm sure they will. That is if he chooses to talk. You need to talk to him though. Okay? Cause chances are, you're the only one he'll talk too." I nodded.

"Yeah, I know…" I stared at my feet for a moment.

"So, what do you think I should get him?" My dad shook his head.

"I don't know. I have no idea what kinds of things he likes." As soon as the words came out of my dad's mouth, I felt like slapping myself in the face.

"Duh! Books! I'll get him some books. God, I'm dumb." I hopped down.

"Alright, I'll be back in a little while." My dad nodded.

I hopped in my car and let out a sigh. What kinda of books did he say he liked again? Scary? Edgar Allen Poe for sure. Stephan King? I think so. There was one more but I couldn't remember what it was.

I sped out of the driveway and gunned it down the road. It took about ten minutes to get into town and then it took ten more to find a book store. I walked in to the store, and was quickly lost.

"Welcome to Books, Books, Books, can I help you?" I looked over the guy who had spoken in the first place. He didn't look much older than me.

"Uh, yeah actually. I'm looking for certain authors but I have no idea what books I'm looking for." He walked over to the computer station next to me.

"Okay, what authors?" I sighed.

"Um, Stephan King and Koontz. I don't know the first name." He smiled and typed stuff.

"Dean Koontz." I snapped my fingers.

"That's it." He stepped away from the computers after a minute.

"Okay, what books are you looking for?" I shrugged.

"I honestly don't know. I just want like a couple books by each of them. Maybe a few more by some different authors of the same genre." He nodded.

"You are looking for books that happen to be my specialty. Just go wait at the register and I'll pick some books out for you." He winked at me and I suddenly had the feeling he was flirting with me.

"Thanks man." I stood there and waited. It didn't take long for him to come back, his hands full of books.

"Okay so, there is Edgar Allen Poe, it’s a book of his short stories and poetry. Then there is a book of Stephan Kings short stories that not many people know about and some other book by him. My personal favorites of Dean Koontz. Um, Lightening, Relentless, and Mr. Murder. Great books. Then there is another author Richard Laymon, who is actually really sick but his books are still amazing and mind blowing. Beast house, The cellar, The Woods are Dark." I smiled.

"Aw man thanks. That's great. I'll take them all." He started to ring them up.

"So, you buying these for someone special?" I nodded.

"You could say that." He continued to ring them up.

"Girlfriend maybe?" I laughed.

"Um no." He looked at me through long eyelashes.

"Really. So you’re single?" I almost laughed again but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Boyfriend actually." He nodded slowly.

"Oh…kay. That'll be fifty four dollars and ninety three cents." I pulled out my dad’s debit card.

"It's debit." I swiped my card and put in my pin before grabbing the bag.

"Hmm, he's lucky you know? If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me." I smiled.

"I wouldn't count on it. But, thanks." He winked at me before I walked out. It was really weird to get hit on. Was I suddenly sending out gay vibes?

After leaving the book store, I headed home. It took less time to get home than it did to get into town. As I pulled into the driveway, I pressed the button on my visor to open the garage door, but it didn't open. I banged my hands on the steering wheel.

"Damn it!" I parked in the driveway and ran inside. My dad wasn't in the kitchen so I ran to his office.

"Dad, garage door is broke again. I can't keep parking my car in the driveway, it's gonna get all…dirty and stuff." He looked up from the big book he was reading.

"What?" I sighed.

"The…garage…door…is…brok-en." I spelled out like he was a two-year old.

"F**k. Alright. I'll call a maintenance guy later okay, till then…we'll just have to drive your car. Which means we have to take your car to the airport."

"What!?"

"You heard me Angel." I threw my hands down and proceeded to throw a fit like a child. But hell, it was MY car and I love MY car and I don't like other people driving MY car long distances.

"But, dad…f**k." He stood.

"We're taking your car, that is final. Now, I am going to go make some breakfast, do you want some." I sighed dramatically.

"Fine. And yeah I want some food. I'll be down in a minute." I ran to my room and closed the door softly. I smiled some as I saw how MiKey was sprawled across the bed. He had his head hanging over the side and his arms and legs were spread apart, he looked as if he had been rolling around in circles on the bed. I was going to miss him so much that it made my chest hurt to think of it. When I shut the door, his hands flew up and he rubbed his face. He rolled over again, the blankets bunching up under him. He put his head back on the pillow and grabbed his tail, scratching the tip of it. Then he shivered. I walked over to the bed slowly and pulled the blankets out from under him and covered him up. That boy could sleep through a f*****g hurricane.

MiKey made a noise that was kind of like a groan and then turned into a giant yawn. Then after that, he rolled over so I couldn't see his face. I quietly tip toed and grabbed some clothes before jumping in the shower.

About a half an hour later I was out and dressed and ready to leave. Ready to see my boyfriend…No scratch that, the love of my f*****g life, leave me for 6 months to a year. The thought alone made my breath catch. I didn't know how I would react when the time came that he left my arms and boarded the f*****g plane that would fly him two whole states away. But, I pushed the thought from my head anyway. I grabbed his books and then realized that he wasn't lying in bed.

I jogged down the steps and stopped dead in my tracks when I heard MiKey's voice. I stood at the wall and listened.

"Wow, really. So, she was like pregnant way before she ever had Angel." I quirked an eyebrow.

"Yep, but the baby was stillborn. I never really thought about telling Ben. Whoops, I mean Angel. Yeah, the baby was a still born. And then a few years later and she found out she was pregnant with Angel. She was so worried about how that pregnancy would pan out. She watched every single thing she ate. She exercised and took her prenatal vitamin's religiously. When Angel was born, he had to have been the healthiest baby on the planet." MiKey laughed.

"So, was he planned?" I heard my dad sigh.

"Not exactly."

"Yeah?" My dad laughed.

"Yep. She came to me and said, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant! I seriously thought I was going to faint. I had only been in Medical school for five years, and still had three to go. Then I was going to start my career. I really wanted to be around with that baby, but I knew I couldn't. So, I freaked. But, you know, there was nothing we could do. So, she had Angel. And he was the love of our lives. I remember, every night when I got out of class I was hoping to god that he was still awake so I could see him. It made me so happy to hear, "daddy! Daddy! Mommy look, Daddy's home!" Then he would run into my arms and give me a giant hug. God, I live for those days. Then he got older and he started to drift away. He had other, more important things to do. Like basketball. God, that kid died for basket ball. It was all he ever talked about. Basketball, basketball, basketball. And of course, I could never make it to any of his games. I'm sure he resents me for that, but I just couldn't do it. I was working all the time. Then, when he turned 13, his mother came to me one night, in my study. She kissed me and grabbed the suit cases at her feet. "I'm leaving, she said. That was all she said. When I asked her why she just shook her head. I ran to his room. It was like…god, 3 in the morning. I ran to make sure she wasn't lying to me. And when I saw him asleep his bed, I collapsed on the ground and cried. I was so happy…no happy is not the word, I don't know what is. But, I was so glad that she had left me Angel. I didn't think that I could live without my son. He woke up and ran over to me. "Dad what's wrong?" He said. I didn't know how to tell him that his mother had abandoned him and me, but in the end I figured…honesty was the best way to go. I hugged him to me and told him the truth.”

"That’s awful." MiKey said.

"Yeah but I realize now that it is for the best. She didn't really love me and I knew she loved Angel but…she just didn't wanna be tied down." As soon as the words were out of my dad's mouth, I stepped off the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey, guys. What are you doing?" My dad looked shocked for a moment.

"Where did you come from all the sudden?" MiKey asked.

"From upstairs. When I got in the shower earlier, you were all sprawled out on the bed." MiKey smiled.

"I heard the water running and I figured I should probably get up. Me and your dad were just talking a bit." I smiled and kissed his lips softly before hopping up on the stool next to him at the counter.

"That's good. Here, I got you something." He quirked an eyebrow.

"When?"

"When you were sleeping." I set the bag on the counter in front of him. He smiled at me and reluctantly peered inside. His eyes got wide. He grabbed a book and then read the back of it and then continued the process with the rest of them.

"Oh my god, thank you! All these authors are like my hero's." I smiled. It felt so good to see him happy.

"Good. I'll be honest though, I didn't pick out a single book. The cashier guy did. Then he flirted with me to no end and asked me who I was buying them for. When I told him my boyfriend, I think it broke his heart." MiKey looked over at me and shook his head with a smile.

"No way."

"Really."

"Thanks baby. Thanks so much." He threw this arms around me and I hugged him back. I was going to miss those hugs and kisses more than I even realized.

 

------

 

When we got to the airport, there were a million and one people there. I was scared. Not as scared as MiKey looked though. He squeezed my hand so hard I was sure he was going to break it. We all sat in the plastic uncomfortable chairs near the gate where he was going to board.  The dread spread through me. I slung my arm around his shoulders.

"I don't wanna go Angel. I'm scared. This isn’t f*****g fair. What did we do to deserve this? If there is a God, is he trying to punish us for something?" Silent tears spilled over and I felt my heart crack further. I kissed his cheek softly.

"It will all be okay, MiKey. You have to keep your chin up okay? I know, I know it sounds ridiculous and I know it is way easier said than done but it’s not going to help the situation to think that you deserved it or that God is punishing you for anything. I promise. Sure it's going to be scary at first but you'll get used to it okay? I mean, it’s…going to be really hard not seeing you but we’ll make it through. It’ll only be a little while. And you can call me anytime you want to. Text me, write me a letter. Whatever you want. I don't care if it is f*****g three in the morning. If you wanna call me, call me. Alright?" He nodded.

"I mean it MiKey. I don't care what time of day." He nodded again, sniffling.

"I know, I know. I heard you."

"Good."

We had to wait there for close to an hour. A couple times I got up to pee. We sat, avoiding the subject of why we were there. Avoiding thinking about what it was going to mean. Then, the voice came over the intercom.

"Flight 203. Now boarding flight 203." MiKey looked at me and took a deep breath. I did the same. I stood and grabbed his hand. I pulled him to his feet in front of me. He stood there and looked up at me with those big, brown, beautiful eyes of his, now pooled with tears.

"I don't wanna go." People were walking behind us, going to the gate where MiKey would soon be going. My dad stood and walked over near the entrance to give us a moment.

"I know. I don't want you to go. But, there is nothing we can do about it. For now. But, I promise you MiKey that I won't let you stay there for long. I promise. I'm gonna make sure that it doesn't take too long." He shook his head.

"You can't be sure of that." He stared at his shoes, the tears dropping. I pulled his face up and made him look at me.

"Yes I can." I didn't want him to cry. I wasn’t sure I could take it. How was I supposed to protect him if he was states away? How was he going to be okay? I leaned down and pressed my lips to his softly, savoring the warmth he spread through my whole body. I tangled my hand in his hair. When I pulled back, he had his eyes closed still, mouth slightly open. I gave him another short kiss.

"I love you MiKey. I love you." A tear slipped down my own face, unwittingly and wiped it away. Damn it, be strong, I said to myself. I had to for MiKey.

"I love you too." He kissed me again, his mouth crashing onto mine. I held him as close as I could. His tail was wrapped around my waist, holding me in place. When he finally pulled back, we both gasped slightly, much needed oxygen entering our lungs. I laid my forehead against his and wiped the tears away. He hugged me so tight to him. I could feel him shaking. I didn't like feeling him this way but I knew no matter what I said, he was going to feel it.

"Last call for boarding flight 203. Flight 203." He pulled away from me.

"I gotta go." I nodded. He stepped back and then turned around walking the gate. He stopped and gave the attendant his ticket. He gave me one last glance before disappearing. I turned around to find my dad. He was standing a little ways off, watching me. I walked over to him.

"Let’s go." He nodded. I walked ahead of him, eyes blurred. I placed my hand over my mouth to keep myself from breaking down in public. I pushed through people, finding it harder and harder to keep it together. As I walked briskly, I took a few deep breaths. When I got outside, I ran to my car as fast as I could. My dad was a little ways behind me. I heard the door click as he unlocked it. I jerked it open and slammed the door shut after I was in. My hands immediately flew to my face. I felt myself break. For the first time in a long time, I let it go. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it without MiKey. Nothing it my life meant more than him. Now, I wasn’t sure when I would see him again.

I leaned forward so that my head was on my knees and I sobbed. I felt my dad's hand on my back. I couldn't hear what he was saying. All I could think about was how I wasn't going to feel MiKey's kiss again for a really long time.

 

I sobbed because I knew he was hurting so much more. I sobbed because it was my entire fault. I sobbed because I wanted to change what I had done so much that it crushed me.