Rock Paper Scissors

A contrast to the simpler times in life and the more complicated as we grow older and are responsible for more than our own emotions but other's emotions as well...

 Remember when that game held all the answers that defined our lives?  Boy, I wish it was still just that easy.  It is so not anymore, and the simple minded ones get so left behind and misunderstood.  The world moves too fast for me, but I'm not running a race, so let the good times roll baby! 

My heart aches for the people in my life that have been hurt, wether by me or by circumstance surrounding me, what does it matter that I say this even?  I don't know, but I want to for me and for anyone reading this.  I don't ever wish ill towards anyone, the wolrd has enough enemies and I just don't play the way the world does, I've never been good at sticking to the rules or listening to authority anyway.

This is not to abandon any resposibility of my own, but rather to soothe the confusion a bit by trying to shed my light on the subject, since, after all, it is understood that people will always talk, I say let em talk, if they are, they got something to say, so I hope someone listens so they will never feel unheard. 

I am much more stable than ever before.  Which takes me by surprise really, but then again, looking at my life the past few weeks and even months I see where the growth has come from.  I see where the vines have been pruned.  So as they say it is the little foxes that spoil the vine, and oh how true that is. 

When you think you are going along in life doing the best you can, sure enough you are going to trip over your own two feet and end up taking someone down with you, the main point, the point that holds the most vaule is HOW you choose to get back up and who you will be standing by your side when you do.

I have learned much these past few months and have many to thank for my newfound knowledge of love and friendship, of trust and respect, how delicate things can be, and how words never really can be reliable when you have good intentions and everyone ends up getting hurt anyway.  I don't rely on my words alone anymore, they are just too fickle, too easy to get messed up and send the wrong message across.

My life is finally turning around and moving in a solid direction, and for that I am eternally greatful.  It's been a long time coming and I intend to soak up every ounce of peace and fun I have coming my way.  I look forward to the adventures, the unknown, the reality that I get the pleasure of calling my own.

I have to remind myself a few times a day that this is really really my life and only I can do good or bad in that day, in that moment, I am learning the control and the rights you have as an adult child, a spouse, a parent, a woman, ect... There are so many roles to play, the key is to play them all at the same time and learn to merge them into the same person instead of trying to be everything to everyone and letting yourself and the world down when you find out that you cannot indeed please everyone all the time.   It's one of the more unfun lessons I have learned in life, but at least it is a lesson learned, phew, I hope I don't have to go around that mountain ever again, I made sure I got it the first time around, so if you can learn from me, people, I highly suggest letting me be the one to make this mistake and not you, learn from my mistakes, this one hurts too much to have to learn on your own.

Im greatful for the trials and I am greatful for the confusion, because out of it I can see Light, and know truth and truly be happy and free from anything that is not good for me, and boy did I have to get rid of a LOT of stuff out of my life, there was MUCH to trash, I was really good at hurting myself before, but Im over that, I just want happiness and peace now, that makes me sound old LOL!

I just keep thinking about John 15:18, it is resinating in my soul tonight... wonder whats up.