You Couldn't Have Given Me the World...

A friendship gone bad, she had the audacity and misgiivngs to tell me that "she could've given me the world!" As if it were her's to give... just my thoughts about that and friendships that are better left ended.

 

You Couldn't Have Given Me The World ...  Current mood:  cheerful   But you could have given me your all, just you and your friendship and love and trust towards me is worth more than the entire world times ten. As far as giving the world to someone, no one can, and to think that is to give yourself more power and authority than you actually have (humbling and hard to swallow, I know, I don't say this to be mean but to be honest and frank about the situation). I realize people use this "Give you the World" thing as a figure of speech, but since it has been said to me several times lately and in a way I believed they thought was something that they could've given or wanted so much to give that they said it as truth as they knew it, I know it has been used with good intentions, but I just wanted to set the record straight, know this... NO ONE could give me or anyone else the world, what the heck would anyone want with this freakin messed up world anyway?  It's all going to crap anyway, this world is not where I am looking for awards, approval or acalades.  When this world is over and it will be some day, well as we know it.  Death is inevitable and not to be dark and dreary about it, but I don't fear it.  I don't have a death wish by any means but I know what I have waiting for me when this world is over is so much better than anything anyone could ever offer me here. What do you think "giving me the world" means?  If someone were to say that to you, what would you expect to receive, just out of curiousity... One of my favorite quotes of all time is "I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind, still you hear me when I'm calling, you catch me when I am falling and told me who I am, I am YOURS!" It is the best quote I think I have had the pleasure of running across, it really puts things in perspective you know.  This world that we live in, this life we have been given is just a tiny part of eternity, and eternity is a long long journey through because there is no end.  I used to be one of those people who believed that hey had to have everyone's approval or everyone to love them and adore them. But you know what?  I am just not anymore, because I know what it truly means to be selfless and what it means to be selfish, I have been both and am not shy to admit it.  I have short comings, likely more so than the next person, but that doesn't mean that I don't wake up every morning and try to start fresh.  I have goals and plans in my life because I have a purpose to serve, not because I am stuck living in a life I am unhappy with.  All the money in the world couldn't tempt me away from the life I already have.  How many people today could say that?  That makes me the richest person in the world.  I may not have my health, I may not be able to pay a bill here and there, I may not even be the perfect mother, wife, friend,sister,daughter, ect. but the important part of it is that I give it my all.  When you give everything you have and it isn't enough, what is the point of staying in a relationship that will only cause you more pain.  Life is FULL of pain, and I guess when I look at the lives of the people around me, I see strength, wisdom, bravery, endurance and passion as well as compassion.  But on the flip side I can see how self involved we are, and how much we love to think we are so wonderful having no faults of our own, I see the selfish, the greed, the immorality, the shame and embarrassment that people carry on their shoulders, that is a heavy, heavy load to carry.  I used to think it was my appointed job to help every person I came in contact with to convince them I was a wonderful person, to convice the world that I was, but you know, I just don't care about any of that anymore. Not because I dont appreciate my family and faithful friends, but because I know what my priorities are and I realize I cannot fix everyone all the time, but I can sure try.  When you go through things in your life so deep and personal, so tragic and so heart wrenching, you do gain a deeper respect for the life we are given and importance is placed on different things. I have always put my family and friends, but sometimes you have to lose some of those people to be what you are intended to be in this world, there are too many pitfalls and catches to simply being a friend or a family member who doesn't have your best insterest at heart but is only looking out for themselves. And that is said in a hurtful or selfish manner but in advice for you to apply to YOUR life as well. I look at all my husband has endured in his thirty one years of life, and I stand in awe and amazement that he is still as kind and generous as the next person, if not more.  You could NEVER know the pain and the trauma he has lived through from a very young age on up.  He knows who he is and he taught me to be my own best friend, that and how much can count on each other daily or more even for support or love, acceptance or help,to have a person in your life that builds you up when you're up and that same person is there to pick you up or let you fall on them and have them fix all that is hurtin you, that my friends is what LOVE is all about.  I wish that for each and everyone of you. The world isn't so loving and kind as we would like it to be, so when push comes to shove you better be prepared to protect yourself, and keep your hands in front of your face.  Protect yourself and those you love with all you have NO MATTER what consequences it brings, nothing on this Earth could be more important than family and good friends, so don't take their needs lightly, help them to carry the load of burden and help them to be happier and be there always when they need you, and I believe in sewing a seed of kindness so its like karma, it will come around and when you find yourself in need, you will see that you will be rewarded and not alone in dealing with your down times.  You learn when to walk away and you learn when to stick around and stay, it just all depends on what you are getting in return.  Are you giving everything and more to someone in your life just to feel let down by them?  If so, it is time to reevaluate my friend, you deserve better and you are worth it.  Dont EVER settle for second best, under any circumstances.  You live your life and go through trials and tribulations and until someone can really live in your mind and walk in your shoes for a day or so they will NEVER be able to understand or judge you, so why even bother trying to explain it?  To sound like Debbie Downer?  In hopes of getting attention?  To guilt trip someone?  What then?  What would you possibly EVER get out of judging someone else when you don't even know how it feels to live their lives?  If everyone could see that there are so many more important things going on in the world to bother over stupid petty stuff like friends that love one another and choose to fight and not forgive, it just isn't worth it to me. I am not now, nor will I ever be the one losing out, I got news, I know what I have, and each day I wake up I know I will have everything I need that day to meet my needs and then some. I have been blessed with a family and friends that stick by my side and don't cause my heart pain, because they care about me.  And all of you should have people like that to surround you as well.  But more importantly you have got to find out for yourself how to love yourself and be your OWN best friend, until you can learn to do that, you are going to never be satisfied with your life, you will always feel a void deep within your heart. When bad times come and you get ill, or you have bad news to deal with or a tough situation seems hopeless, there just isn't much anyone can do for you to turn it around and make it all better, certainly they can try to ease your pain, but only YOU can go through it, only YOU can feel it in your body and in your spirit and in your mind, so why expect things out of people that you know they are not able to give?  There are just too many people out there that just don't get it, it isn't about whoever has the most toys when they die winning, it isn't about sqandering your life away in anger and resentment, and it surely isn't about petty things that drag on and on and on unecessarily.  Surprise yourself, step out of your comfort zone out into the unknown and hold out your hand, I bet you someone like me will be there to grab it and pull you back to safety and help you walk until you are stable again.  If no one grabs your hand, (and believe me I have found myself there empty handed many times in the past and it aint pretty scene, very lonely actually) well, if you find yourself holding out an empty hand I will reach for you and pull you through best I can, thats why you call me friend, right, to be there through good times and bad times, you can definately count on me.  When you can live through a life full of pain and trauma, of death and destruction of dissapointment and of fear then you know what rock bottom feels like, you may have only scraped it with your tippy toe, or you may have crashed flat down on your face on the bottom of the abyss, either way, when you have been there and somehow made it out on your own you learn a whole new side of your self that you could have never known exsisted anyway.  So I thank God for the trials and for the abandoned times, I thank Him for the ups and the downs because when I can't handle it anymore and feel like I am not going to survive I always grow from it and become a stronger and more proud person because of who I know I am. Do you know who you are?  I wish you much luck and a safe journey, there will be good times and bad, but no matter what, I will always be around. peace and love james