new years eve

Not real but isn't it awesome?

              Thinking back on that night, honestly scares the crap out of me. It was a night just like tonight, rainy, windy, and a full moon. (Why is it always a full moon?) It happened exactly a year ago on new years eve. My dad's boss invited us to a party at his house. I'm an only child so it was just me, my mom, and my dad. My dad's always working meaning he's never home so I thought it was a good oppurtunity for us to just hang out, meet some people, and have fun. God I was wrong. I've never met Mr.Banks or his wife so I had no idea what to expect. There house was very nice; big, but something about it gave me the chills. Perhaps it was all the creepy trees surounding the house. In my sixteen years i've learned to never ignore these feelings so i told my dad. "Something feels realy creepy about this place." He just shrugged and said it was probably all those scary movies i'd been watching.

             Mr.Banks and his wife were really nice and the house was filled with guests. But still, something seemed off about him. I decided if anything went wrong I would just get my parents and run if they listened to me or not. It was only 9:00 when we arived there and everyone was really nice. My dad was an architect and has worked for Mr.Banks for fifteen years but he still only gets paid a little more than a teacher. Mr.Banks was tall, thin, and looked like he came right out of Bram stoker's dracula with his pale skin and long black hair which he kept in a ponytail. My dad soon had to leave. Good thing my mom and dad brought seperate cras I thought. I then met a girl named selena, she was the same age as me and very pretty with long blonde hair and brown eyes. I met her by accidently bumping into her and we just started talking. I felt very comfortable around her but also self conscious. A lot of people have told me I'm very good looking with my shaggy brownish-blondish hair, blue eyes, and tall, thin body but I've never had a girlfriend. I couldn't stop thinking how beautiful she was. It turned out we had a lot in common too.

             "So what's the most embarassing thing that ever happened to you?'' She asked. "Honestly, there's too many to count but there was this one time when I fell face first in the middle of the school cafeteria." I replied and she laughed the sweetest laugh i'd ever heard. "So now that I've told you, what's yours?'' She told me that she was probably the only girl in her school who hasn't kissed anybody. Then, the cliche happened, I told her I have'nt either and she kissed  me. It was just one kiss but, wow. We talked for a little longer and then her parents called her over to tell her something and she came running back looking excited. ''They said it's almost midnight!'' She then dragged me outside and there it was, the full moon. ''It's so beautiful." She said as though in a trance. Then she said " I'll be right back, I have to use the restroom." She left me outside with everyone else but, Where was Mr.Banks? I could've sworn I saw him a couple seconds ago. A couple minutes later I looked at my watch, It was thirty seconds untill midnight. Why is it always midnight? I asked myself. I decided to go look for selena to tell her it was almost new years day. As I was walking I passed by a room with Mr.Banks. He was hunched over something with blood dripping down his face and I got a glimpse of his fangs. I almost threw up as I realised what he was hunchrd over, selena. He realised I saw him and I ran back downstairs towards everyone else. He chased after me for a little bit anf then fled the house so he wouldn't be caught. I found my mom and tried to explain what I saw. She was laughing histerically. Oh crap she's drunk. Since I had my permit I drove me and my mom home and then called the police. They didn't believe me.

          So now, a year later I haven't heard from Mr.Banks or selena since. Almost midnight, I'm sitting on my bed, looking out my window, and trying not to think about it and then, midnight. Fireworks and who's that walking by on the sidewalk? Mr.Banks looking up and smiling at me.

Reviews

[Natalie]

The storyline is great, but it reads like a blog. My suggestions:
Don't TELL me the house is creepy. Show me. Instead of saying ,"There house was very nice; big, but something about it gave me the chills. Perhaps it was all the creepy trees surounding the house." Say something like, "Branches webbed over the entryway like the claws of an enormous monster."
At the end, this story needs a place where even "you" need to believe it was all a dream, misunderstanding, etc. before the final "gotcha" scene.