If This Is A Story...

If this is a story, then I've been wrong from the start.

Because it's not a story, not to me, and however it seems at times I cannot let myself believe that it is. This is my life, to whatever end it may take me, and I cannot treat it as fiction any longer.

I find myself drifting, tonight, lost and adrift in a web of a thousand entangling truths. Trapped between my devil and my angel, Raziel and dark Mephistopheles; so alike, and yet so radically different. Sooner or later, this conflict will push me to my breaking point. I know that much. It is inevitable, here, the way things are between us, all of us. I can't make my own truth--not anymore--and yet, what other option do I have? When every movement I take will hurt someone i care about it, do I simply wait in the inevitability of my own destruction?

Forgive me my madness. This is nothing, a scrap, a way for me to rid myself of the thoughts that seem as though they will tear me apart, and yet I know it must sound like the ravings or a madman to anyone else. But what else can I do? What other course is left to me?

Again, again, I find myself surrounded by ghosts. Memories; half-gone, but able to cut like a knife still. There is a memory that lies between my lover and I, there is a shadow upon the other, the heartbroken angel... Are we all just living in the past, blind and reminiscent while we plunge towards our doom? What happens when we reach that end and find that a dead past has destroyed our present, that the ghosts of emotions have torn apart everything we had built together?

I stand here, protected but alone.

Choose between the devil that loves you and the angel that never could.

Author's Note

Musing again, to whatever end.
Lalalalala WHAT IS THIS BUCKET O' CR----

Reviews

[sorentense]

"Choose between the devil that loves you, and the angel that never could."

I think that's one of the most profound lines I've ever heard from you. This provides a nice glimpse into Ana's real feelings... Why could the angel never love her, though?

[Ama May Cooper]

You dont sounds insane babe.. you just sound hurt .. hurt by past expirene and people
i understand you compeltely
somethign will forever haunt us