Shock.

Can't explain, feelings.

The fear of being pain is what lead me to my greatest misery.

I was given endless chances to let go, yet I'd never, not even for a second, think of loosening my grip. And all for what? Nothing. There was so much I thought I could change, 

so much I wanted to fix, but in the end all I did was brake my own self. Time after time you'd come running to me, and I would listen. I would talk and spill my heart out for you, 

because if it wasn't for you, there was no point. I used to lust for the feeling of being in "love", until I met you. 

Because when I met you, I realized the one thing I couldn't stand was having the feeling of real care and sympathy shattered and ripped right out of me. And all this time spent on you, what I was willing to give up, the good and the bad. The countless thing's that I would have done for you, are unimaginable. I knew just how bad I had it, and what I was setting myself up for from the day I let you back into my life. But I took a chance, again, never realizing just how much I wasnt considering my own feelings, because you were all that mattered. And I will never be able to say it wasn't all for nothing, simply for the fact that even after all these years, you'll forever be filled with neverending regret. The thoughts I was once able to take off of your mind, so that you can sleep peacefully at night, while those thoughts shook me to endless tears. And what hurt the most was the effortless language you spoke to me, as if you knew the definition of every word you spoke, yet you didn't know how to interpret those words in the same way you wished I would. I knew it was real the day I was willing to let you go, simply for the fact that I couldn't take the pain of seeing you suffer the way you did. And I will never understand how all of that was so easily washed out of my system, like we never even happened. How so little time has passed since I left, it hurts to know something can disappear oh so quick. k.y