Recyclables

A can below me is rolling on a sidewalk

 

Red, and White, and Blue,

 

the can is empty.

 

And I am upside down,

 

looking at an empty can.

 

I can't help but wonder...

 

You thirsty?

Reviews

[Jessica M.]

cute and amusing.

[Emily Rose]

Heh. I like this. For a few short lines, it's got a lot of spirit, and I like the ambiguity. My only critique would involve the punctuation. This is how I would've done it:

A can below me is rolling on a sidewalk, (added a comma)
Red, and White, and Blue. (changed the comma to a period)
the can is empty. (inserted period)
And I am upside down (deleted period; it's unnecessary unless you at an "and" to the next line)
looking at an empty can.
I can't help but wonder...
You thirsty?

It's probably just a difference in style, I suppose :-) Good job!