Of Head Bad Guys and Harpoons Part 4

Muscle, Music and Monkeys...and a new character!

 

Of Head Bad Guys and Harpoons Part Four

Balderdash sighed and looked at his watch; no one had made it past the booby traps in his cave for awhile and he was bored. Baldy decided to pass the time with his favourite pastime: setting up bowling pins and launching himself at them. He put some music on and Bob Dylan’s voice echoed around his dreary home. “How does it feeeel? To have you on your own? Like a rolling stone.”

*

“So, this other friend is a guy, right?” the Crunch asked, shrugging to emphasize his nonchalance.

BroadChest Jones nodded and explained, “He’s a digger friend of mine. Lives in Cairo with his wife and 37 kids. Well, the last time I saw him was years ago so the number of children may have doubled.” He chuckled affectionately. The Crunch forced a laugh, secretly relieved.

The two of them were ploughing their way through the streets of Nepal, trying to recover the plane that had brought them there. Magnificent Cow and SassyLass were following behind them; Sassy kept a firm hold on the red herring…ahem…artefact that was necessary for the story. Meanwhile Magnificent Cow, recruited by the Crunch, was trying to cajole her into staying in Nepal and handing over the relic but was having a hard time getting a word in.

“…then he challenged me to a drinking competition and I beat him, make no mistake, and then kicked the patrons out of my bar and well, you know what happened next,” Sassy recalled, loudly. “And that’s my life up to this moment.”    

Magnificent Cow looked up from the ground, startled that the buzzing sound in his ear had subsided. “I’d almost forgotten what silence sounded like,” he murmured.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” Magnificent Cow answered. “Uuh…so how’d you like to stay here and hand over whatever it is that Broady needs for the plot...uh…mission?” he suggested feebly. SassyLass narrowed her eyes.

“Well, I tried,” Magnificent Cow told the Crunch a few seconds later.

Broady waved at the group to halt and pressed his finger to his lip. Pushing some leaves out of the way, he could see the plane they had come in. The pilot had just decided to ditch the plane and his passengers when a voice called out to him, “And where do you think you’re going?” The foursome emerged and the pilot hesitated, his eyes darting back and forth. He was about to take off when SassyLass pushed past Broady, brandishing a shotgun and accompanying cigar. The deranged chick yelled incoherently. Even I, the author, couldn’t make out what the hell she was saying but it freaked the pilot right out. He squeaked, snapped his legs together and saluted her before hurrying back into the cockpit. SassyLass smugly blew the top off one of her guns.

“That only works when you’ve fired the gun,” the Crunch informed her. SassyLass narrowed her eyes. The men took that as their cue to board the plane.

*

“Where do you think she keeps her cigars?” Magnificent Cow asked curiously. The plane took off and he watched amusedly as SassyLass hovered over the pilot, occasionally cocking her gun.

“Not to mention her shotguns,” exclaimed the Crunch as the pilot began nervously weeping Broady snorted in his sleep and adjusted the hat over his face.

*

“Broady!” greeted GuyWithShrinerHat as the group filed onto his lanai.

“My man!” cheered Broady. The Crunch made an indignant noise and kept a firm hold on Broady’s arm. A gaggle of children ran out of the house and mobbed the newcomers.

“And these are my children!” laughed GuyWithShrinerHat as they started crawling over Magnificent Cow and shouted “Giddy up!” Magnificent Cow yelped as a falling kid grabbed his ear for balance.

“You’ve been busy while I was gone,” Broady joked, ruffling the hair of one of the kids and GuyWithShrinerHat guffawed. He and Broady retreated into the house to talk in private, while the Crunch watched them out of the corner of his eye.

SassyLass, hand hovering over her hidden shotgun, had backed into a corner to avoid the throng of kids when a monkey leaped from one of them and latched onto her arm. SassyLass shrieked, the monkey echoed her shriek and held on for dear life as she spun around and around, bowling over kids left and right in her haste to shake off the monkey.

“It’s in my hair! It’s in my hair,” Sassy panicked. The kids laughed and Magnificent Cow couldn’t help grinning as the normally gruff woman ran back and forth wailing.

“Stop! I’ll get it off for you!” offered Magnificent Cow. A grateful SassyLass slowed long enough for the monkey to scamper over Magnificent Cow then jump onto the other cow. The monkey settled himself on the Crunch’s head, leaning against one horn and propping his feet up on the other. Too absorbed in spying on Broady, the Crunch didn’t notice the furry creature relaxing on his head or the many on the lanai that were doubling up in laughter.

Magnificent Cow took pity on his friend and said, “Uh…Crunchie?”

The Crunch quickly put his finger to his lips and looked back at Broady, who was exiting the house with his arm around GuyWithShrinerHat. Their jovial faces turned surprised when they spotted the monkey.

“Crunch!” Broady exclaimed. The kids shook their heads desperately at him and he finished, rather lamely, “Uh…you look nice.”

 Broady quickly led everyone except the Crunch off of the lanai and they all exploded in laughter once out of his earshot.

“Looooving you…is more than just a dream come true...” crooned the Crunch as he dreamily danced around the lanai and replayed Broady’s words over and over in his head.

*

“What is he doing?” Broady exclaimed, looking at his watch. The group had been waiting for the Crunch to join them outside for over an hour now. Every now and then they had heard faint strains of ‘Loving You.’

“You want me to get him?” SassyLass asked curtly and took a puff from her cigar, threateningly. Suddenly, a dishevelled Crunch flew past them, screeching, “It’s in my hair! It’s in my hair!”