Of Head Bad Guys and Harpoons Part 2

The story inches along... An asterisk * means time has passed.

 

Of Head Bad Guys and Harpoons Part 2

“Your hats about to fall off,” Magnificent Cow pointed out. He was annoyed with the Crunch’s interest in the dishevelled stranger. The two cows were trailing BroadChest Jones through the halls of a random academic institution.

“I’ve got it under control,” answered Broady, suavely, “and it’s called stylishly askew.” Crunch stared lovingly at his hero while Magnificent Cow mimicked throwing up in a hat behind their backs.

The Crunch and Magnificent Cow had decided to accompany Broady because he enjoyed the cow's company and the Crunch was obviously smitten with him.

“I’m just going to spend a couple of minutes living my other life. I have two, you see,” said Broady, nonchalantly. “One is the dashing chest-baring whip-wielding gravedigger. The other is the somewhat nerdy yet muscly and fetching professor. Ostensibly, wearing a pair of glasses and smoothing down my hair helps flesh out this other persona.” He shrugged.

The Crunch followed Broady doe-eyed through a door. Magnificent Cow considered ditching his friend but sighed after remembering that the Crunch owed him money.

The mismatched trio suddenly found themselves in front of a class of kids. The Crunch and Magnificent Cow froze, unaccustomed to the relentless gaze of 30 or so kids. Broady slid smoothly behind the front desk and said, “Good morning, class. We have two visitors here with us today. Say hello to Mr Cow and Mr Crunch.”

“Good morning, Mr Cow. Good morning, Mr Crunch,” the students droned in unison. Magnificent Cow meekly nodded. The Crunch bowed and primly adjusted his monocle.

“Where did you get that?” hissed Magnificent Cow, staring at his friend’s new eye accessory.

The Crunch shrugged, grinning, then quickly sobered and replied, “I haven’t a clue, young man. Now run along and fetch me a pipe.”

Magnificent Cow ignored him and politely watched Broady teach his class.

“Go on. Hop to it,” the Crunch said, prodding him.

There was a knock on the door and everyone quieted. The person knocking couldn’t seem to open it, however.

“Crunch, move your fat ***” said Magnificent Cow, angrily pulling the Crunch out of the way.

The Crunch realised he was blocking the door and hotfooted it to the other side of the room, saying, “Oh, I’m terribly sorry.”

A smart distinguished gentleman walked in and said to the Crunch stiffly, “Thank you.”  You could tell he was intelligent because he was wearing glasses, a suit and was the proud owner of a long, flowing moustache.

“Aahh…Mr Smart Looking Man,” greeted Broady, warmly. The man blushed and said, “Oh please, Smartie to you!” The two men chuckled and shook hands while the Crunch inwardly growled; this guy who was a little too familiar with Broady.

“I don’t suppose I could borrow Mr Jones for awhile?” asked Mr Smart Looking Man, jokingly. The class tittered and Magnificent Cow watched in amusement as steam poured out of the angry Crunch’s ears and nose.

BroadChest Jones and Mr Smart Looking Man exited the room, deep in conversation.

“Well, cheerio!” shouted the Crunch to the class, indignant at being forgotten by Broady. He grabbed Magnificent Cow’s…hand and followed the two men, who headed for an abandoned classroom to talk in private. On the way, Smartie tripped over his long, flowing moustache causing the Crunch to snicker loudly. The two men turned around and the Crunch pointed to Magnificent Cow.

 

 

*

 

“Why can’t we stay in the room?” a cranky Crunch asked, after the two men had politely asked to be left in private. The Crunch disliked being so far from Broady; not to mention leaving him alone with Mr Smart Looking Man.

“Smartie is probably telling Broady about his next mission,” Magnificent Cow guessed.

“So? We’ll be following him. Don’t we get to know what we’re risking our necks for?”

“Unfortunately, the author of this story is too afraid to follow the movie too closely (copyright infringement) in terms of plot and can’t think of one herself,” Magnificent Cow said loudly. Just then a piano fell on his head.

“Jeez…that was unexpected… but no doubt Maggie’s own fault,” finished the Crunch hastily. A block of chocolate suddenly appeared in the Crunch’s…hand, which he ate whilst helping his somewhat dazed friend to his…feet.

 

*

 

“So let me get this straight,” began Magnificent Cow, holding his throbbing head in his head, “We have to go to…”

“Another country.”

“In order to get…”

“…a precious artefact,” said Broady, nodding.

“From?”

Broady paused. “An old friend,” he finished, awkwardly.

“Well, it’s a somewhat ambiguous task, but what the hell?” laughed the Crunch; buoyed by the fact that Mr Smart Looking Man had left. However, not before a scuffle had broken out between Smartie and the Crunch. Smartie had had the gall to try and hug Broady goodbye. The Crunch laughed sinisterly as he imagined Smartie removing the monocle from his…

“Crunchie!” interrupted Magnificent Cow, “We going or what?”