Of Boosts and Bollywood Part 2

Part 2 of the trilogy

 

“Almost there, almost there…” Crunch grunted as the pair pushed the car with all their strength towards the petrol station mere metres away.

“Oh, shut up,” said Magnificent Cow, the pain in his hooves making him crabby. The exhausted pair finally managed to manoeuvre the car near a petrol tank.

“Okay, you fill her up but not too much,” instructed Magnificent Cow, “I’ll go and see if the guy in charge will let me pay with something other than money, since we’re so flippin’ skint.”

Crunch saluted and grabbed the petrol gun.

*

“Man, that guy wanted the shirt off my back!” exclaimed a bare-chested Magnificent Cow as he exited the shop “Isn’t that weird?”

“I think it’s weird that anyone would want your shirt. Oohhhhhhhh! Zing!” proclaimed Crunch, gleefully as Magnificent Cow fumed. A fop to the heart, Magnificent Cow was overly sensitive to remarks about his fashion sense. Crunch yelped as he was suddenly tackled to the ground.

*

“Okay, so it can’t be that long now, can it?” Magnificent Cow checked his watch and replied, “Should be there soon, just sit still. Oh! And if we run into any celebrities, don’t do that thing you do.”

“What thing?”

“You know, that thing, like when we met Janet Jackson in Woolworths and you got really nervous, started babbling and ended up doing an offensive impression of her.

“I did that once!” exclaimed Crunch defensively, “Besides she would have laughed if you would have just imitated Justin Timberlake like I asked. And it’s not like you were any more respectful! You took off down the aisle halfway through my performance and missed my big finale!”

“Well, if it involved a n****e ornament like I had anticipated then I am glad that I fled to the cosmetics!”

Crunch narrowed his eyes at Magnificent Cow and replied, “Okay, we have got to stop spending so much time together.” The car sped down the highway, bringing the boys ever closer to their destination until Crunch noticed someone standing outside with their thumb pointed to the ever sheepish sun. “Oh, look! It’s a hitchhiker! Can we pick him up? Can we? Can we, please?” Crunch pleaded, hands clasped together desperately.

“Are you crazy?!” Magnificent cried out, “He’ll probably kill us just as soon as we turn our backs!” “Oh, come on!” scoffed Crunch, “you’ve been watching too many cop shows on the TV! Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with a n****e ornament on top?”

Magnificent Cow smiled in spite of himself and relented, bringing the car to a sudden halt. “Okay Janet, but if he turns out to be a murderer wanted in numerous states than I’m going to be very sore at you.”

Crunch bounced eagerly as they did a u-turn.

*

Crunch bit his lip and looked beside him nonchalantly. The hitchhiker was sitting in silence, face faced resolutely to the front. The Crunch frowned as he noticed something interesting.

“Hey, why are you still sticking your thumb up?” asked the Crunch, cautiously. Magnificent Cow snuck a look behind him to see the stranger’s response. The hitchhiker turned to the Crunch, who stiffened at the stranger’s sudden attention.

“Well, ya see, old boy, old chum, old sonny Jim, I bin a ‘itchiker for so long, dat at some point during my many travels froughout dis great country, the cheeky wind changed and me fumb froze like dis.” The hitchhiker turned back to the front; his expression becoming stony again. Magnificent Cow and Crunch sat in frightened, fascinated silence; the only sounds coming from the weary car. Crunch cleared his throat, more to fill the silence than anything and, somewhat late with his reply, nodded and said, “Cool.”

“Isn’t it, though?” said the hitchhiker.

“So where are you off to?” Magnificent Cow asked the hitchhiker, suddenly gaining the courage to speak up.

“Well,” answered the hitchhiker, scratching his chin absently, “we ‘itchikers don’t really plan very far ahead, see. We dunno where the drivers are gonna go, sos we usually end up goin wherevers the car-drivers goin.”

Magnificent Cow nodded.

“Why? Where are you boys off to?”

“We are headed for a place filled with celebrities!” announced Magnificent Cow, dramatically. “Court?”

“No,” sighed Magnificent Cow.

“Prison?”

Crunch sniggered.

“Ooh! I know!” the hitchhiker said, excitedly, “reha-“

“No!” interrupted Magnificent Cow, “we’re going to Hollywood, okay? Hollywood! Stars on the ground, stars in the sky and stars walking around, alright?”

“Okey-dokey,” said the hitchhiker, a little taken aback by the driver’s outburst. He swivelled around and looked at the Crunch, who had begun ogling the hitchhiker’s thumb in enthralment.

“Uhhh,” the hitchhiker started articulately, making Crunch snap out of his reverie, “yous can just drop me off on the way to yous fancy ‘otel. I can’t be seen around ritzy-fritzy places like dat. It hurts my freeloadercriminal image.”

Answering Magnificent Cow’s questioning glance in the rear-view mirror, the hitchhiker explained, “I got a rep to protect.”

“Uh-huh. I got some of that, believe you me,” Crunch sighed, melodramatically.

Magnificent Cow unsuccessfully hid a fit of giggles behind a coughing attack. Crunch glared into the rear-view mirror and turned to explain the troubles and tribulations of maintaining a bad-boy image when Magnificent Cow suddenly broke out into a new fit of coughing. Crunch rolled his eyes and exclaimed, “Okay! That’s enough of the ‘subtle’ teasing!”

However, Magnificent Cow continued to wheeze and gasp uncontrollably. Crunch’s eyes widened as he realized what was happening and he shrieked, “Oh no! He’s having an asthma attack?” The hitchhiker quickly unbelted his seatbelt, asking, “Where’s his inhaler?”

“Glove compartment,” answered Crunch as he hurriedly struggled to get his seat belt off by himself. The car swerved as Magnificent Cow momentarily let go of the steering wheel and clutched convulsively at his throat. The hitchhiker was thrown unceremoniously into the front seat.

“Maggie!” scolded Crunch, wide-eyed, “never, ever let go of the steering wheel!”

“Yelling at me doesn’t help!” gasped Magnificent Cow to the rear-view mirror, hunched and heaving. “No, but this should!” said the hitchhiker triumphantly as he emerged from the glove compartment with an inhaler. The car wobbled alarmingly as Magnificent Cow abandoned the wheel and clutched his stomach.

Crunch squealed in fright and screamed, “Take the bloody wheel!”

The hitchhiker panicked, grabbed ahold of the wheel then turned and said shrilly, “I can’t drive!” “What?” yelled Crunch, holding on to his seat for dear life as Magnificent Cow continued coughing and the car zigzagged dangerously.

“Why can’t you drive?!”

“I ride in cars, I’ve never driven them!”

“Oh for Petey’s sake!” roared Crunch as the car took a particularly sharp swerve, sending its occupants flying.

“Just keep the wheel sti-“Crunch instructed loudly but was cut off as the driver grew rather flustered, opened the passenger door and jumped out of the car. The car proceeded to fly off the road.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh-“

To be continued…

 

Reviews

[Mick Parsons]

I'm interested enough to backtrack. Like the dialog.