Of Boosts and Bollywood

Magnificent Cow and the Crunch are back and better than ever on an adventure to every cow's Mecca-Hollywood!

Part 1- The Road Trip

 

“Wow, look at that!” exclaimed The Crunch, nose pressed eagerly against the car window. Magnificent Cow rolled his eyes as he concentrated on the road and ignored his friend’s loud exuberance. “Man, I can’t wait until we get to Hollywood! It’s gonna be pretty awesome, huh?” Magnificent Cow grunted tepidly. The Crunch shrugged off his friend’s lack of enthusiasm and continued to gaze star struck out of the window. “Hey, have we got any snacks left?” Magnificent Cow sighed, rummaged around in the compartment and then threw a Mars Bar in Crunch’s lap. “Oh.” Magnificent Cow sensed the disappointment in his friend’s voice. “What?” asked Magnificent Cow testily. “I prefer Boosts.” “They’re the same thing except Mars Bars don’t have those little malt balls!” “Well, I guess I like those malt balls,” replied Crunch, sulkily. Magnificent Cow breathed impatiently through his nose. “You sound like a bull when you do that, you know. Oooh! Can we stop at this petrol station and get a Boost?” Remembering Crunch’s penchant for sulking for prolonged amounts of time and the empty tank of gas the car was running on, Magnificent Cow exhaled noisily and turned into the petrol station. He parked, unbuckled his seatbelt then reached around his seat and unbuckled Crunch’s. Magnificent Cow groaned audibly as the pair exited the car. “What?” asked Crunch. “The bloody petrol prices! God! Give a “person” a break, man.” “Well, at least they’re talking about taking off the GST off the GST,” answered Crunch, reasonably. The thought of chocolate had made him cheerful again. “Talk, talk, talk. That’s all they ever do and all they’re good for!” exclaimed Magnificent Cow, upset. He had just realised that the money for refuelling meant that he couldn’t afford to get both he and Crunch a Boost. “I’m never gonna hear the end of this,” muttered Magnificent Cow. He clutched his Boost protectively and shepherded a wailing Crunch back into the car after filling up the tank and breaking the bad news to his friend.

15 minutes later

“Are we there yet?” “No.” “Are we there yet?” “No.” “Are we there yet?” “Yep.” “Really?” “No!” exclaimed Magnificent Cow with finality. The Crunch fumed and slouched in his seat, pouting petulantly. He gazed out the window then sat up excitedly. “Hey! Look at that!” “What?” asked Magnificent Cow, wearily. “That! And look over there! And-wait a minute isn’t that- Oh my god! We’re in Hollywood!” “That’s impossible, we still have a good half an hour before we get to- Hey, wait!” exclaimed Magnificent Cow.” ”What? Oh!” Crunch gasped as he spotted the chick from Bend it like Beckham. “Wait!” Magnificent Cow panicked, “This isn’t Hollywood!” And sure enough a large green, mossy hill rose as they edged closer to it and they could see it had been emblazoned with large letters that spelled out “BOLLYWOOD.” “Hang onto my Boost!” Magnificent Cow warned, slamming his “foot” hard on the brake pedal and bringing the car to a screeching halt. The Crunch held onto the Boost for dear life as Magnificent Cow did a U-ey and sped off into the sunset. “But isn’t it like, only 3:30?” The Crunch asked. “What?” Magnificent Cow called from the driver’s seat. “Nothing,” replied The Crunch and cast a suspicious glance at the sheepish sun.

10 minutes later

“Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall…ninety nine bottles of beer. You take one down…” sang The Crunch loudly. “Shut up! God! Can’t you sing a different song! I mean, you don’t even lower the amount of beers, you just keep singing about ninety-nine! Do you even know how the song works?” “Not really. Whenever I sing it, I’m usually drinking and the last thing I want to do is lower the amount of beers,” replied The Crunch, cheekily. “Well- you…I mean, just sing a different song, would you?” The Crunch contemplated his friend’s words for a moment before starting up again. “I get knocked down! I get up again! You’re never gonna keep me down!” Magnificent Cow rubbed his forehead and wondered what the ramifications were for abandoning passengers in the middle of nowhere. “I’ll keep it in mind,” whispered Magnificent Cow to himself as The Crunch switched to a Spice Girls tune complete with matching hand gestures.

1 minute later

“Stop right there! Thank you very much. I need somebody with the human touch. Hey, you! Always on the run, gotta slow it down baby. Gotta have some fun…” sang Crunch. Magnificent Cow dug his nails into the steering wheel, suppressing murderous urges. He brightened suddenly and called, “Hey, Ginger Spice. Throw me that Boost, would you?” Crunch abruptly stopped singing and looked beside him at the empty Boost packet. “What Boost?” asked Crunch, innocently, shoving the incriminating wrapper between the cushions. “Guess what, Crunch? Only 5 minutes, that’s right 5 minutes until we reach a place that’s practically overflowing with celebrities!” Magnificent Cow said, dramatically. “Rehab?” “No!” “Prison?” “No!”

Magnificent Cow sighed. “What was that?” Crunch asked, worriedly as the car emitted a sickly sounding groan. “What?” lied Magnificent Cow, pretending he hadn’t heard anything. “That noise? It sounds as if the car is gasping.” “I’m sure it’s nothing,” reassured Magnificent Cow as the car spluttered for a couple of seconds then completely conked out. “I’m not so sure,” Crunch said.

5 minutes later

“Stupid government! Can only afford 2 litres of petrol!” Magnificent Cow muttered annoyed, as he pushed the back of the car using all his strength. Next to him, Crunch let loose a rapid flow of obscenities as the car inched forward. The two companions alternated swearing and struggling with the car as it rolled ever so slowly down the highway. Magnificent Cow saw a phone suddenly fly out of nowhere, panicked and ducked. He dusted himself off, looked around wildly and saw the Crunch waving to someone taking off down the road. “Who was that?!” Magnificent Cow shrieked. “Oh, it was just Russell Crowe,” answered Crunch, unconcernedly then perked up, “We must be getting close!”

To be continued…