Of Dilemmas and Digressions

Sequel to 'Of Cows and Crunches'

The next day, The Crunch found himself faced with a moral dilemma of epic proportions.

“What should I wear today?” he asked himself, “It has to be something quasi-professional because I do have an image to uphold but with enough flair to show that I do have a wild side that I’m not afraid to use. Which of my many outfits convey this effortlessly?” 

He received no response.

“Some help you are,” fumed The Crunch, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He decided to go ask Magnificent Cow for advice.

“Yo, Maggie!” The Crunch called out, cheerily after locating him hard at work.

“How many times have I told you not to call me that?” snarled Magnificent Cow, “Don’t bother me now, Crunchie, I’m busy.”

“Touchy, touchy,” muttered The Crunch, annoyed at Magnificent Cow’s use of his dreaded nickname. He decided to practice his victory dance while he was waiting for Magnificent Cow.

“Okay! Enough of this bickering!” exclaimed Maginificent Cow, losing his patience, “Can we PLEASE get back to the original point?”

“Thank you,” thanked Original Point, “As I was trying to say (with a pointed look at his wife, Digression) my wife and I haven’t exactly been getting along lately and, well we were wondering if you had any advice as to what we should do to remedy the situation?”

Magnificent Cow sighed and turned away from the disgruntled couple. He stared at the sun, rising up from behind the hill in the distance. Original Point tried to see what Magnificent Cow was staring at, but all he saw was The Crunch shimmying.

“A long time ago, 24 days to be exact, I fell in love,” Magnificent Cow said, with a far off look in his eye, “It was a storybook romance. By that, I mean she was a character in a story I was reading. Our tale was the usual. Cow reads Character. Cow likes Character. Cow grows unhealthily obsessed with Character and suddenly starts dressing in costumes from the book and collecting all the merchandise and EVEN getting into a fight with this scrawny, pimply young cow who insisted that my love’s arch-nemesis was hotter than her! I mean, can you believe that??? First of all, she holds absolutely no candle to Character and second, I didn’t have to take that from him! So, I grabbed him and then-“ Magnificent Cow trailed off, realising that he was receiving odd looks from the couple.

“Well, let’s just say that it will be a long time before he says such blasphemous things again!” Magnificent Cow asked, jubilantly, “Anyway, where was I?”

Digression smiled politely at him, while Original Point looked ready to pull Magnificent Cow’s horns off.

“Oh yeah! My whirlwind romance. Well, we met. We wooed. I gave her flowers and she asked me questions about my bad influence of a friend “The Crunch.” I showed up at her place, holding a jukebox over my shoulders outside of her window. She took me to meet her parents. I presented her with a promise ring. She complained about the size of the diamond. Finally, she just nagged me so much that I ended up taking that jukebox and throwing it at h-“Magnificent Cow trailed off, realising that he was receiving odd looks from the couple.

“Well, let’s just say that it will be a long time before she nags anyone again! Does that answer your question?” Magnificent Cow asked, merrily, convinced of his success.

The couple gave him blank looks, but fearing another outburst from him, hastily assured him of their newfound harmony and impending reconciliation.

“I still think we should ask for our money back, “grumbled Original Point to his equally displeased wife. T he both of them tried not to look at The Crunch too closely as they were leaving.

“Well, that takes care of that,” Magnificent Cow said triumphantly, wiping his hands. He turned around, spotted The Crunch and his eyes widened in horror.

“Where are your clothes!?”

 

Author's Note

Just as it's antecedent, this story was written in a complete state of joviality.