I want you back...

Yet another breakup poem... This one focuses on how much I want her back even though she brought me so much agony...

The days get harder after the passing of each night

As I lay down to sleep, I make a wish on a falling star

I want for you to be within my reach, within my sight

Though, I know deep down, wishing wont get me very far

I know that you're out there happy, feeling well

Somebody else is putting a smile on your face

These obvious facts make every hour a living hell

My heart is breaking faster at an exponential pace

Part of me is forever stuck inside of you

That part ignores your farewell's cruel attack

It refuses to let me move on, to begin anew

The part of me that says "I want you back"

I know it's foolish, and an act of jealous greed

To hunger once more for your passionate kiss

But deep down inside of me I have one need

It is to recover all of the things that I miss...

You've now moved on to what you wanted after all

While I am alone because of what I lack

I lie awake, waiting for a delusional phone call

You through your tears saying "I want you back"

Waiting for you to contact me is all in vain

My dream, is only where your call could come through

My mind knows this, despite the fact it brings me pain

But my disillusioned heart still denies that it is true

I still love you even though you crushed my soul

Even though your absence eclipses my world in black

I await your return, which will once again make me whole

As my heart beats with the words "I want you back"

Author's Note

The form is a little uneven. I will consider improving it if the concept is liked.

Reviews

[Lorraine]

'As my heart beats with the words "I want you back"' --> This line is painfully expressive and creative. I like the general concept and also the repetition of the words to emphasis your point. It's a very romantic poem.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[TidgeTiger]

Loved it, congrats on winning the contest, :) dont mind losing out to this. shows a great emotion. :)

[~Daugher of the King~]

Congratulations on winning that contest with this one! You deserved it! Bravo!! :)

[Jon]

Really good job, been there before. Its got a really good flow, good job:D

[Katelin]

I really really like this, so many other people can relate to this piece. Good job =)

[~Daugher of the King~]

For the most part, this poem flows well, but some parts seem a little choppy for some reason, though I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps it's because of the way you worded parts of it, but I really like your wording, actually! The poem is very emotional and your choice of wording is very descriptive... "exponential," "jealous greed," "delusional," and "your absence eclipses my world in black."

I can relate to this poem. I also really like the line, "Part of me is forever stuck inside of you." That is exactly how I feel about my ex-boyfriend. A little part of me still wants him back, but mostly, I just want to be able to move on. Through your poem, it sounds as though you are still quite stuck on her. I hope that your heart will heal soon.

Overall, I LOVED IT! You are very talented, especially for your age! Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading more from you. :)

[Christina May Shanaberg]

Wow, this is such an emotional poem from a teenager; I guess feelings are just as deep, no matter what the age. I know the feeling; hope you get her back or better! The poem was so well written!!

[lorynrrr]

even though i dont know you this is really good

[Alicante lullaby]

powerful...wonderful expression.

[deeps]

This is wonderful, so full of deep emotion,
Very powerful write. I like this you express
yourself well.