A product of sex and violence

I've joined this site for opinions, i do not care what, i just want feed back... opinions!!! Yet getting 60 views with not 1 review ..

They hide in plain sight, under the guise of good.

The wisest of men are often misunderstood.

You take my hand, with intentions pre-planned.

We have a voice... and they say its our choice.

He is just blind of mind, cant you see?

People get ready to scream, 1.2... 3

She sits on her own in a viciously loud silence...

I... am just a product of sex, and violence! 

Reviews

[Alexa Apothic Red]

There are some clever lines I enjoyed in this write: hiding under the guise of good (I’ve ran into many like this... and everyone puts up that facade, especially in today’s rampant social media world.. everyone appears to have it “all together,” right??? Seemingly so, but everyone is broken and messed up within... no one has it all together, nor could possibly be ‘all good.’

Also, the wisest of men are often misunderstood... again, alluding to the same notion.. that beyond their wisdom, are they truly wise? We are all but mere human as doing all the same things, making all the same mistakes, albeit painfully tragic... none of the wisest are above fault and to hold anyone to such a lofty standard would be foolish.

But my favorite line of all: She sits on her own in a viciously loud silence.

First of all, I absolutely love juxtapositions such as this one.. for silence to be loud implies a painful frustrating quality to the lack of sound.. so much weight and palpable emotion is carried in that lack of sound. But this silence isn’t just loud; it’s “viciously” loud indicating such haunting cruelty of parasitic/preying destruction.. beautifully written!

[/]

The first two lines seem unrelated. Who hides in plain sight? You don't have to say who outright, you can use metaphors or some other vehicle to describe them but pinpointing the antagonist gives me more of a subject to identify.

They.....you.....we.....he....she.....this might be a bit confusing to the reader.
He is just blind of mind sounds like an apology.

She sits.....who is she.

I know what you're talking about but you must be clearer in your writing. Don't think there's a rule that says you have to rhyme either.

As far as getting reviews, don't be anxious for those here. The people on this site are not going to happily share their thoughts with anyone they don't know. That's why I closed my account. I did plenty of reviews and got nothing in return.

And don't anticipate a reply either. Some may, but a lot of others won't. You'll find these problems on a lot of sites.

[vigilantebastard]

I will tell you exactly who hides in plain sight. Paedophiles hide in plain sight, liars, con men, and evil two faced selfish scum with an personal agenda...The wisest of men are usually the people who suffer in silence at the hands of these people, wishing it upon no one else but knowing that this evil does exist. "you take my hand" is stating how people will pretend to help you, but are really leading you astray or into a trap!! We have a voice (so they say) but it doesn't fking matter, no one listens. Paedophiles are the elite. He just turns a blind eye to it - and "he"... is everywhere. People dont give a toss, they just want pretend it doesn't happen, go to a concert and have a good time (thats what i meant by scream on 3), burying their heads in the sand. She sits on her own screaming inside her own head cuz no one cares and no one will listen.. I understand how she feel since ive been there myself!!! I am a product of sex and violence.....

i dont know what poem you read but every line in this is connected to each other about how sick this world is.. .. I deliberately made each line about someone else to try and get across the whole world is like this, i thought that would be very clear considering i used every term possible, then ended the poem with myself. i might have missed one but i thought i got them all. he she, they, you, we and people... i had to chuck in a "the" cuz i had more to say..I rhyme because i can, and i like it... and i can do it without it sounding like a child wrote it! I dont expect a child or someone who has had a perfect life to get this piece... I am a victim of abuse; in many forms, and this is how i vent.
Thnks for the comment tho...

[vigilantebastard]

poetry isnt supposed to be blatantly obvious to the reader either.. If i wanted to do that i would of wrote a story or just have posted what i replied to you.. There is supposed to be mystery in poetry.

[vigilantebastard]

if you need it simpler.. he, she, they, we, you etc.. dont represent actual specific people, they represent the many.... everybody!! i hope this clears it up for you... Im not just writing things cuz they rhyme, like which you tried to imply. . .

[/]

Thanks for clearing that up. I anticipated an angry reply but compared to what I've gotten in the past you're pretty nice. You wanted reviews, I gave you one. Good luck.

[vigilantebastard]

I wasn't angry mate, not at all... It was very clear you didn't get the poem, that's fine.. I was only slightly irritated by the "don't think there's a rule that you have to rhyme" comment. I'm very aware of that, but that's my preferred choice. I took that to mean that you thought I was just rambling, saying anything without meaning just so it would rhyme.. which would have been an attack on my intelligence and my depth - so I wanted to clear that up... all what I write has a deep personal meaning and emotion; written straight from the heart as creatively as i possibly could at the moment of writing it. They certainly arnt just nonsensical writings just put together cuz they rhyme.. Some people may not like it, some people may not understand what i write -
And thats fine.. but I could walk you through and tell you the meaning of each line in every peice ... There is alot more going on than just the words, there is deep meaning between the lines and even between the words; with metaphors and connections directly linked to my life. I'm happy to explain what they are.. I'd rather take the time to explain than have someone think it's just shallow nonsense. ... No stress, it's all good

[Patrick Ramsey]

Wow, just aa lot of different ideas. You have a lot of emotion to channel. I think creativity is one of the best ways to do it. Keep writing, my friend!