"The Eating Habits Of Vanilla Gussett"

A Pie On Words...

I am me!

I am beautiful greediest me!

I'm quite simply gigantic, enormous, colossal- bigantic!

I'm huge I'm not small I could fill Albert hall -

What a beautiful thing to be me.

 

I can eat a cake shop in one sitting

Forty boxes of chocs without quitting,

If I had half a mind to-

I could well be inclined to

-Start over again, food permitting.

 

They say I've no stomach to diet.

'Lazy lummock!' they scream. 'You must try it!'

I just laugh from my belly

Till it wobbles like jelly,

'Come on then,' I say, 'come and fry it!'

 

It is said I'm too lazy to chew.

It's an art, It's not easy to do.

I just open my gob

And with a flick and a lob-

Down the hatch, tallyho, toodaloo!

Author's Note

This poem is taken from the short story: VANILLA GUSSETT GETS A GOOD RUBBING AND DENNIS HEARS HIS NAME