Not about sex.

You've got slits in your wrist

From your tracing paper heart.

You've got holes in your walls

From your firing your gun.

 

You have no clue who you are,

You traded away

Your personality

And in return you got friends.

 

One day they'll find a body,

With a note writen on edible paper,

So they can eat the last words they told you.

 

With "My last Words" carved into your wall,

You say your final goodbyes,

And fire the last bullet in the gun.

...

No one took the time to notice,

Now they will.

 

 

Author's Note

please leave a review, i enjoy reading criticism

Reviews

[Dimensija]

Leave out "Fear,
Rage,
Depression,
Confusion" - it is absolutely unnecessary. The first four lines - pure, graceful, very powerful.
"You have no clue who you are,
You traded away
Your personality
And in return you got friends." - a very fresh look, original way of approach, contradicting, like a paradox, but very insightful - the truth of our nature, perhaps.
"The friends who don't give a s**t
Whether you live or die." - doesn't make the poem original or strong, this makes it cheap, this scales it down, curt this out, and the point is obvious, that they are shallow, dumb, careless, pointless.
"One day they'll find a body
With a note writen on edible paper,
So they can eat the last words they told you." - unescapable consequences, the future, the inevitable, a very deep approach.
"No one took the time to notice,
Now they will." - obviosly unnecessary, but doesn't hurt the picture as well.
"With "My last Words" carved into your wall,
You say your final goodbyes,
And fire the last bullet in the gun." - pure, fresh, powerful, well written.

Look at the poem from my point of view -

You've got slits in your wrist
From your tracing paper heart.
You've got holes in your walls
From your gun firing

You have no clue who you are,
You traded away
Your personality
And in return you got friends.

One day they'll find a body
With a note writen on edible paper,
So they can eat the last words they told you.
With "My last Words" carved into your wall,
You say your final goodbyes,
And fire the last bullet in the gun.

Thank you very much for sharing, ifm you work on it a bit, it can turn out to be an amazing write! ;)

[CircusNerd]

i thoroughly enjoyed this, because it's obvious we live in a superficial world where there are really morons willing to trade who they are for friends who couldn't care either way. great write. i'm glad to have read it :)