His mistress Crack Cocaine ~ Part 2

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. ~ Arnold Bennett

 

The love that once made her feel the way she wanted to feel, slowly disappeared. Between the drug abuse, the fighting, and the feeling second to his mistress crack, she tired of being blamed for his reason to use. And now a life growing inside of her, what was she to do? Her family miles away, and not speaking to her most of the time. She worked, tried to hold the household together. She tried to give everyone the appearance that all was FINE in the scheme of things, so no one would know of his affair with crack. And she dealt with the drama that constantly surrounded his drug abuse. Her pregnancy was a surprise, she was on the pill, but the adverse reactions of taking antibiotics seemed to dissolve the effectiveness. She was in fact pregnant. Scared. What should be “happy” turned out to be a fearful event. She loved this baby, beyond what any words could explain. In her mind, she hoped that the thought of being a father, would shake him free, and get some reality check to him about priorities in life. That was a far fetched dream that never came to life.

 

She still tried. She wanted her baby to have a father. She wanted the house with the white picket fence. She made every effort to make the relationship work. She planned for the coming of her bundle of joy. Trying to be “normal”. She finally found something that would make him leave if he would binge on crack, so he wasn't smoking the drug around her and their unborn child. While fighting and struggling she would make him so angry he would just pick up an leave. He usually took something of value on the way out the door, but at least he didn't stay there to infect her and her baby with his disease. There were fights, struggles and physical altercations, never a “hit”, but pushing and fighting when he would try to take things that were sentimental to her. She ended up in tears most nights, it became how she fell to sleep. She tried to make the relationship work, for one marriage had already failed, causing problems in her family because she was divorced, the first ever in the history of her family.

 

She got up at 4:30 am every morning and took him to work, she never let him drive anymore, every time he had driven in the past, she ended up in that scary part of town, or she lost a car because he had “rented it out” for crack. She lost a total of 3 cars this way. So she wouldn't give him keys, she added the stress and strain on herself to get him to work everyday, take him to meetings. He wasn't allowed to drive to the store alone, she always went with him. He wasn't allowed to drive at all, unless she was in the car, and then it was rare, as he had many times just taken her with him to buy the drug. She would watch him in his paranoid state, undoing the spark plug distributer so she wouldn't leave him there. He had scars all over his arms from where the engine had burned his arms while he tried to pull the wires. He would take her, and she waited in the car. He sold everything he could get his hands on. Hair clippers, hair dryer, food, tools, jewelry, electronics, and even once he ran around barefoot as he sold his shoes from his feet. Not to mention cars he “lost” as they were never returned from the “rental transaction”. She began to not care anymore. She began to not be concerned if he never came home. She planned for the arrival of her baby boy.

 

Her son came early, three weeks to be exact. She was surprised, and scared. The labor was easy though, and active labor consisted of merely four pushes and here was here beautiful son. She was elated, she cried. She held him and loved him with all her heart from the moment she saw him. She was tired, and hungry. She wanted to eat and get some sleep while they were cleaning him up. He had low blood sugar, and they were running tests. 6Lbs 4 oz was his weight. Beautiful baby boy. She ate a chicken salad, drank some apple juice and drifted off to sleep.

 

She awoke to the nurse coming in the room, bringing her beautiful baby boy. She situated herself, and opened her arms for him, and there he was beautiful and pink. Just gorgeous. She looked around for his Dad... he was no where to be found. Her heart dropped into her stomach. She knew where he was, and what he was doing... his mistress crack beckoned to him, and he ran to her. He never could let anything that was good BE good. Everything came with a price. Happiness could never be happy. She welled up with tears, and the nurse left. She sobbed. She knew, their bank account would be emptied... she couldn't stop him while she was in the hospital. She prayed the car wouldn't get sold this time. And she cried. The nurses came back about an hour later, and took her baby for some more tests. She got up from her bed, and went to the bathroom, where she showered. Tears hidden by the water hitting her face. Her spirit crushed. The fear raising up in the back of her throat, she knew that this was it. This was her sign. This was her cue to leave. She had passed the point where she felt responsible for his using, which he had made her feel for a while. She had gone to ALANON, and to CODA and they helped her to understand that it wasn't her fault, and it would NEVER be her fault. She no longer walked on egg shells around him. But this... THIS was the finale for her. He showed up the next morning at 11:00 am to take her home. He dropped her and her baby off. And left... his son was four days old before he ever held him.

 

She didn't want him to become attached though, she was going to leave. No matter what it took, she would never let him hurt, harm, or affect HER baby. She recovered from the birth, and went back to work after four weeks. She had to get her plan in order, things had to begin to get into place. She wasn't going to let him know anything, but one day, she would be rid of him, she would be gone, and a trace of dust wouldn't even be found. He wouldn't know what hit him... the love she had for him, no longer existed, he heart ached... not for him... but to give her son the life he deserved, with out drugs, an addict, and someone who wouldn't give up his mistress crack, to love a child...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[TeacherAtHeart]

This is a truly moving story.
This needs to be published..let the world know of the evils this "mistress"
crack can cause to not only one life but three.
The way you write...it's amazing that you have come so far!
Big Hug!!

[Goddessa]

Such a story of addiction and strength Wendy. I'm so glad you are writing this. Your strength can speak so wonderfully to others.