(58) Breathe The Rain

If you breathe the rain
You can smell my tears
When you live the pain
Then you feel my fears

Please close the door
Keeping the World out
Push my mouth to the floor
So I can no longer shout

The window is smashed
Someone had to throw a stone
My spirit has been dashed
It has left me all alone

I know I make no sense
My mind is in a different place
All of this bitter pretence
Has disappeared without a trace

All work with no chance to play
Leaves you going a little bit insane
Clouds are here because the Sun went away
So all you can do now is breathe the rain

copyright Chris Smith 2010 (somewhere in a room in my mind)

Reviews

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Rain is so symbolic of many things. The tears, fears and feelings of loneliness.
Wandering minds take us on many journeys to many places.
This is an emotional poem .. I think many of us have felt this .. i know i have.
Wanting to be alone.. screaming in vain .. and this is how i feel- as you wrote it.
Love the last couplet.

Chloe

[M.Babu]

"If you breathe the rain
You can smell my tears
When you live the pain
Then you feel my fears"
Word Perfect start!! absolutely no lapses in the flow and diction and emotion here. Amazingly perfect start Chris! *STANDING OVATION*

Very poignant piece this was. I flowed along with you in the journey of your mind. Awing Work!

[Tommy]

You have wrote a piece I can relate to my friend. Those first three stanzas are perfection my friend! You know I always find the scent of rain to be so comforting, but I will relish it differently now...

Great Write!
RLG,
Tommy

[Ashley]

another wonderful work that has so many pieces that work to enhance the totality of the piece. the imagery, the flow, the ever present emotion...very good.

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

Packed full of imagery and pain. We all feel like shutting the world out from time to time. A thought provoking and sad piece.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Great piece of work you have created, love it.

[Judy Ponceby]

wow chris! this made me feel a bit of your pain. And from personal experience, I do know all work without some play is soul numbing.

[HB]

Good write. 4th stanza is week. Also "pretense". ^.^
I really like the last verse, except for the first line. (Think that's mostly a personal preference.) Kudos on bookending it. Works nicely.
Cheers!
HB

[Hatchling]

Good job on expressing the emotions in this peom.

[LA Lorena]

a deeply emotional write Chris, very well done.

[Amy Bumpas]

Smelling the rain can be so refreshing, but this is sad,
dark, no ending....