A Love Not Allowed

He had fallen in love when he had first seen her, her dark black hair and green
eyes had been what had attracted him.

Yes he knew the danger but he had smuggled her out, taken her to his home and he had not told a soul what he had done.

She was nineteen and he was fourtythree, he did not see the age difference and only saw her beauty, if anyone found out he was hiding her then he knew they would be both killed.

She had lived with him for eight days, in that time he had never tried to seduce her or make any advance towards her, he clothed her and provided food and any comfort that she required.

On the eigth night she came to his room, she was naked when she slipped into his bed and they made love all the way until the dawn, it would be their last night together.

They came the next morning, he knew he had to shoot her, the Luger given to him by his father two years ago was the weapon he had to use.

She wept silent tears for she knew what must be done, he put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger.

He put the gun to his own head as he heard them break down the door, he knew they would have both been punished to death and this was the only way.

They were too late to stop him and he pulled the trigger with the gun at his head and his body fell to lay with the dead body of the woman he had loved.

It was not supposed to have happened, a German guard falling in love with a Jewish girl condemned to have been gassed to death at the camp.

copyright
Chris Smith Prose/Story

Reviews

Awesome work ... !!
a very similar scenario that happens in some places in India when people from different religions and castes run off and marry and then people from their community and family hunt them down ... it is stupidity ... idiotic .. anyways .. that is a different story altogether ..
This , my friend , is a lovely piece of work .. and very sad ...
I kind of expected as I read along , that when the guard would try to shoot himself , he would find that there were no more bullets left , but I would have felt even worse then ... thank you for the mercy shown .

[Que]

Great story!
You wrapped it up real nicely with that ending which explained their reasons etc.
I just think that maybe you should've added more emotion to it....maybe it was just me, but it seemed a bit too straight to the point. (I suppose I'm a hopeless romantic, lol).
Loved it, great job :)
Cheers.

[PyroKitty24]

I absolutely adored this~ It was enjoyable yet sad. I was interested throughout the whole thing, but the last paragraph really just made the whole story~ I think this would make a pretty awesome chapter story if you ever get the time.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This is some intense storytelling. You gave me serious chills. The thing that stood out to me the most was how these where just two ordinary people who have pure feelings for one another. You did an excellent job of making that point before you shed light on the entire situation. This story really seeks out the humanity in us all.

[Jim Parson]

Fabulous, Chris! A most excellent tale with the most perfect twist! Just my kind of story. I began the story thinking it was a "Boxing Helena" type of story, but that sure changed rapidly!

I do want to share one bit of advice that was taught to me a few weeks back that changed how I write totally. The word "had" is most often unnecessary and our sentences will typically flow much more smoothly without it. Here's an example from your first sentence:

"He had fallen in love when he had first seen her, her dark black hair and green
eyes had been what had attracted him." Now, here it is without the "had"s... "He fell in love when he first saw her, her dark black hair and green eyes were what attracted him." What do you think? Flows better?

[.]

the ending is poignant..love seems to find a way even in the most dire situations..very sad..

[Princess Taz]

- ii absolutley love it, though it seems more like a story its still great.!

[Rachel]

Ooooooooooh myyyyyyyy goooooooosh! I totally love this! It's very twistworthyable (not a word and I have no idea what the meaning is... So don't ask me.) It makes my toes curl with delight, seeing not only a twist, but the history in this prose/story. You've created a great plot, keeping the reader interesting. Bravo, my friend, bravo.

[Judy Ponceby]

Oh my God, Chris. How deeply moving, and so well written. You drew me right into the story. So touching and heartbreaking.

[Ravyne Hawke]

beautiful, powerful, left me breathless even til the end and then the unanticpated ending made me weep.. the Luger nearly gave the ending away, but thankfully for me, it did not

I do love the set-up.. it had me wondering where this would take me. I can definitely see this as a story or play even should you ever wish to go that route.