Anniversary In Hell

July 24th 1997, and I still hate it

The thing that it left with me

A decaying piece of charred meat

That will never belong to me

Something I continue to abhor

I still can not accept as mine

The hatred should be at them

Because they took it away

Killed what was my life

Destroyed everything I knew

They ignited the flame

That devoured my flesh

Not knowing what happened

But the nightmare still remains

For three months I suffered

So much in this World

Seemed also to be happening

As I faced a hospital bed

Wet Wet Wet did a version of Yesterday

Princess Diana died that August

My partner rarely came to see me

I found myself using a wheelchair

Terrified by horrible dreams

Where they still came for me

Then came the time to go home

I feared about leaving the safety

Of a place full of caring nurses

But that day would arrive

Having to live with the shock

When I first saw what was done

Home, finding out she cheated

Slept with a family friend

Her reason was so simple

She didn't want to sleep

With the way I was disabled

Not able to accept the leg

So I drank, almost attempting suicide

Anything and everything I took

But it never blocked it out

Still she found other lovers

My children gave me reason

To keep on living each day

The writing became my therapy

Finding the release through words

Giving freedom to those feelings

Some I thought were forgotten

Still finding it harder to cope

It was not mine, take the leg away

So what did these years bring me?

Apart from refusing to want this scarred monster

That seems to be attached forever to my soul

A bitter memory etched in torment and pain

Each anniversary is a walk through Hell

Where everything was a ripple effect

If I had stayed home on that night

Then this would not be my fate

Part of me is in fear of that

For would this poet had been born?

Created from the flames of agony

To try to find himself in life

Partners have come and gone

Sanity was almost lost at times

where I dwelt in my own fantasy

Refusing to accept what was real

It cost me a treasured friendship

But I learnt the value of that lesson

For seven years I have not drank

But have suffered the edge of madness

I almost lost this woman, close to me now

She forgave the strangeness in my mind

Now she makes me stronger each day

But the Anniversary in Hell nevergoes away

copyright Chris Smith 2012 (Bearing a tortured soul)

Reviews

[quinfinn]

positively horrible set of circumstances to have to have endured, for any human being. you have left no doubt of the anger, disgust and depracating disappointment you have had and the indignities you have been made to suffer by your injuries, both physical and mental. it is good that your children have been so supportive and give you so much hope and love. this is a very honest and wonderful write.

[Priyanka Natesh]

I can feel the pain and genuineness emanate from this poem. I hope you have a wonderful life ahead. Good wishes and great work of putting your emotions into words. The impact is felt. Thank you :)

[Valette]

Very well written with great detail and implications.
However, the structure could use some work. This is a long poem, and the lines are essentially the same length. It creates a body of text that with no break, feels overwhelming and claustrophobic.
Separate it with line breaks at the natural pauses and it will be even more powerful!
Nice work!

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

A agony of a journey you wrote about, my friend! Pain and aguish can be felt in this write. I hope the anniverseary date becomes easier to bare!

[Coyote Poetry]

Dates are important in a life. I go back in time in my writing. Rebirth old memories lost in old words. I like the story told in the poem. Some anniversaries are to make us more kinder and wise. Thank you for sharing the powerful poem.
Coyote

[Cerebriation]

Very sorrowful, but wonderful. It speaks of agony. It's hard to read without getting a little choked up. By the way. I'm back!!!!

[Tate Morgan]

It is hard to read this hard to face deception and betrayal I did face it myself but It almost did me in I should be glad of it though it created all my writings

[Mauricio Montoya]

its good to get that rage on the page, keep on wring.

[Myenigma]

:(

[Hatchling]

Very well written