Lost in the Dark

Lost in the dark.

In dark, I linger 

A stranger riding the night 

Sheathed in a white shell

I look out at it

The great vastness, emptiness

And know I am lost

I feel so alone

But now I have some comfort

I know how I'll pass

As the air depletes

I remember what I want

And know what to say

I speak so softly

Say "I open at the close."

And the music plays

Picked it long ago

For when it would be time to 

Knock on heaven's door

I see galaxies

Stars swirl in a sea of light

And embrace the dark

Reviews

[richieb]

I am not sure if you are traveling through space or passing to heaven. Either way you have written a good description of the journey. Alone in space, with no control of where you are going, bends the mind, bordering on understanding eternity. I enjoyed your poem. Richie.

[Jesse W.]

Thank you :) I was aiming for a more ambiguous angle on it, where one could interpret it as being either heaven or space, or perhaps both.

[Emily]

I love the wording of it!!
Keep it up!!

[Jesse W.]

Thanks Emily!

[Sami Khalil]

Surviving death or serious conditions makes us appreciate life or contemplate the other life. This had a sad tone to it but with appreciation. Excellent. ...:))))

[Jesse W.]

Thank you very much :) I wanted to make it sad and beautiful, glad it resonated well

[Willard Wells]

I have only read two of your pieces at this point, but death is the theme in both. Nothing wrong with that if you are not lingering there and lost. I will take it as words and well-done work.

Of course other than about 3 lines, you have a nice Senryu series. I like them a great deal and this is no exception.

[Jesse W.]

Death has been on my mind a lot. I recently survived a brain tumor, but I nearly died in the process. It makes one consider the next life a lot. That being said, I appreciate the great review :) I have to ask, I've not heard of a Senryu series. Could you elaborate?

[Willard Wells]

I understand your thought location. I had a bad bicycle accident in Aug. of 2013. My views of life have changed a bit. And I will always have a few reminders to live with.

The Senryu and Haiku are 5-7-5 and from what I have read, in the original form, one person would write a stanza, then someone else would write the next. When I write a number of stanzas I call it a series. Not because it is correct, but what I call it.

Because of differing views on Senryu and Haiku, I often don't label them even if the count is correct. It defuses a conversation that matters little to me. If I write it and like it. That works for me, I don't need labels or battles.

I have started doing Tanka. It is 5-7-5-7-7. It has a few other rules but the extra two lines allow me more room to work in a structure I like beyond the Senryu and Haiku. Good luck.

[Jesse W.]

Ah, I see what you mean. The Tanka sounds very interesting, I may have to give it a try. Thank you :)