Nexus: The Forbidden City.

heaven gate

Nexus: The Forbidden City.

 

“You gotta believe me Doc, I’m not nuts. I’m as sane as you for God's sake. I don’t belong here; the forbidden city of Nexus is real. I’ve been there, you have to stop putting those drugs down my throat. It’s stopping me from mind-slipping to Nexus. I know this sounds like the ravings of a madman, but it’s all true. I swear it on all that’s holy.”  

 

Dr Antonia Leoni was intrigued by this patient. He spoke with such utter conviction and sincerity. His stories of the Forbidden City were so vivid and detailed. Each session he’d tell another adventure in the imagined city his bruised mind created. She realized she was looking forward to these sessions. His renderings of events were compelling. His personality was larger than life. It also didn’t help that he was as handsome as a Greek god. She realized she was losing some of her objectivity and was getting sucked into his delusion. She pinched her leg and admonished herself for the unhealthy interest developing with this patient. She nodded to the patient and said,

 

“Sam, I need you to step back and think about what you’re saying. The City of Nexus doesn’t exist. It’s a fantastical place your mind created. I know you believe what you say is true. It may be so in your mind, but in this reality, the one we are in now, it makes you cope with the tragedy that befell you. But that’s all it is, a coping mechanism to stop your grief from consuming you.”

 

 Sam sighed and with downcast eyes said,

 

“I’ll grieve for my wife and child for as long as I live. When they died, a part of me died with them, and it was about to swallow me up, if not for my ability at the last minute to mind-slip to a dimensional focal nexus point. I was about to blow my brains out; I couldn’t stand the pain anymore. Just as I was about to pull the trigger, my finger froze, and in my mind's eye, I saw this magnificent city of indescribable beauty. It called to me, I dropped the gun and let my mind drift to the city gates.”

 

“Sam, I have to interrupt. You’ve just described a vision, a delusion you’ve had under extreme duress. You were about to kill yourself but stopped by creating a city where you could take refuge. A coping device to stop the darkness from consuming you”

 

Sam frowned and said,

 

“What does it matter if it’s real or not? I know it is. But if it isn’t, why would I want to be back and engage in this reality? To a home that only reminds me of what I lost. To an unbearable grief that shatters my heart. Why can’t you let me live in what you call my delusion, where I have purpose and a bit of happiness? Instead, you ingest me with drugs that dull my wits and rob me of choice.”

 

Antonia inwardly winced. He had a compelling argument and was inclined to agree with most of what he said. The keyword most. It's time to put all the facts on the table. She leaned forward and said,

 

“Sam, part of me wants to agree with you, to let you decide your fate. But I cannot in good conscience let your physical life waste away and die. It’s ethically abhorrent. Yes, you didn’t decide to blow your brains out but decided to die of thirst and starve yourself instead. We found you shriveled up on your bed, malnourished, in a coma-like state. What would you have us do? We force-fed you with food and drink and gave you the appropriate drugs to stabilize your vitals.  When you woke you went in a rage, claiming we took you away from your duties in the Forbidden City. We restrained you and sent you here.”

 

“You don’t understand. I should have pulled the trigger when my mind slipped and drifted through the dimensional portal. I dropped the gun instead. I’m only allowed in the outer gates of the city. The Forbidden section is for those who shed their mortal weight. Where my wife and child wait. The outer gates are a way-station. An in-between between corporal and non-corporeal states. Those caught in dreams, comas, deathbed vigils, meditative states, or anyone still attached to corporal strings. The outer gates hold many wonders, some of them beautiful, other areas full of horror. The guardians gave me duties to fulfill while in the waiting period. My revival has interrupted my obligations.”

 

No matter how many sessions Dr. Leoni had with Sam, he still surprised her.  

With a look of incredulity, she said,

 

“Are you saying the outer gates of Nexus are purgatory and hell, while the Forbidden City is heaven? Sam, you were a famous child prodigy, one of our premier scientists, an award-winning author with two noble laureates, and a noted atheist. How can you succumb to this delusional fairytale.”

 

Sam chuckled and said,

 

“For the uneducated and fervent believers in the hereafter, yes, it’s a sort of heaven, hell, and purgatory. But it's not, it’s a dimensional portal, where mortal weight sheds their skins, while others carry the weight for indefinite periods. They go through a metamorphosis, either through reincarnation, the punishing fires of hell, or the redemptive space of purgatory. Right now, I’m in a holding pattern, caught between two levels of reality. This reality no longer holds any interest for me, I no longer have anything to learn or contribute.

 

Antonia the only reason I agreed to these sessions is not to be cured of my so-called psychosis, or for you to believe, but to work things out for myself. I’ve done so. I can now go home. I hope you publish these sessions; permission granted.”

 

Sam sat on the floor and went into a deep meditative state. He stayed that way for years until he died.

 

 

 

 

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

let it rip