Once Upon an Oyster

leave my freaking pearl alone!

Once Upon an Oyster

 

While the Fiddler was playing with some of her dolphin pals, she heard someone call her from way down deep near the ocean floor. It came from one of the largest oyster kingdoms. It sat on one of the highest mountain peaks in the great Atlantic basin. It stretched for miles.  

 

The Fiddler transformed into a stately oyster and entered the palace doors. She was greeted by the Oyster King. He took an oyster knee, kissed the fiddlers oyster hand, and said:  

 

“We in the oyster community are hunted and persecuted by those air breathers who call themselves human. They invade community after community. Sweeping us out of our villages in order to make their bellies full. They’ve killed millions upon millions of us in order to satisfy their culinary tastes. That’s right, you heard me, they eat us. Not to survive, but just for pleasure. It makes their bellies feel good.   These creatures of God are an abomination. Evil to the core.  They’re an apex predator. It makes the shark, the ocean kingdom’s most feared killer, seem like goldfish wiggling his tail, begging for a bone. It’s just a matter of time before we become extinct. We beseech you, no we beg you to help us to survive. We regret that we never paid proper homage to you and hope that you can forgive us for that. We’re an insular group and always fended for ourselves. If you help us, we’ll become part of your oceanic family and worship at your feet.”

 

The fiddler smiled and picked up the oyster king with her big oyster hands and said,

 

“Except for humanity, all the living things, birds, bees, bugs, flowers, tress, and critters of land and seas are my family, which includes you my little friend. I require no worship, that’s God’s thing.  I can help a mite. For the next month or so every other oyster that the humans catch and eat will be contaminated with a special virus. They will become sickened, some will die. Now God will probably get a little pissed, but I know how to handle him. This will hopefully turn off humans to oysters. I doubt they will be harvesting your kind for quite a while.”

 

The Oyster king burst into oyster tears and with his oyster mouth gave the fiddler a kiss…

 

 

 

Author's Note

let her rip