The Hill

a reworked fairy-tale and nursery rhyme

The Hill (an ode to Grimm’s Fairytales) (650 words)

“Jack, get up off your lazy a*s. The pigs need feeding, the cows need milking and the fence needs mending.  When the devil did I become your farmhand? It’s bad enough that I’m your damn house slave, doing all the cleaning, cooking and waiting on you hand and foot.  I’m also getting bloody tired of being your blow up sex doll that you jump on when you get frisky. I’ve nearly had it with you. It’s not what I envisioned when you freed me from a life of servitude in that godforsaken lamp. My gratefulness only goes so far.”  

Jack slowly lifted himself off the couch, gave the enraged genie a sad stern stare and said, 

“Now, now, my beautiful lovely Jilly Cakes, let’s not forget the deal we both made. Your total freedom only comes after I live out my days with you as my loving obedient wife. And let’s not forget your promise that no harm will come to me by your hand.  My wish is binding, if you renege on it, back in the bottle you go. So if you don’t mind, feed those pigs, milk those cows, and mend that fence. Oh and where’s my dinner, I’m hungry.” Jack gave Jilly a big fat kiss on the cheeks and went back on the couch and continued on with his nap. The genie Jilly fumed with rage.

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     As the years passed Jack was beginning to feel the ravages of age. Jilly Cakes still looked as young and beautiful as the day he first met her. Why couldn’t he be as immortal as her, never aging or getting sick? He beckoned Jilly towards him and said, “My dearest, I need you to grant me a small favor, make me immortal.”

 

    Jillys’s eyes twinkled bright as she said, “If I could make you immortal with a blink of my eye, you know I would. I’ve become very fond of you over the years. But I don’t have the power to do so, you’ve run out of wishes, and that’s not in the parameters of our wish contract.  But there might be a way to grant your desire if you promise to let me go on my way once you gain your immortality.”  Jacks heart pounded with excitement. Without hesitation he promised Jilly Cakes that he would grant her request once he gained everlasting life.

     Jilly grabbed Jacks hand and said, “I know of a ‘Magic Well’ whose crystal clear water imbues those who drink it with good health and ageless immortality. The Well’s not far from here, it’s just over that hill. I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want to be beholden to you forever, but now that you agreed to let me go, this would be my last gift to you. And for godsakes, please call me Jill, I hate that name Jilly Cakes; it grates on my nerves.”

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     As Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jill said, “I forgot to tell you that there’s a water nymph that guards that well. She will try to kill you, but have no fear; I will distract her while you take a drink, and once drunk, run like hell.”

When they reached the well, Jack filled his pail with water. Immortality was in his grasp. To his chagrin he saw Jill whispering in the nymphs ear and then Jack heard Jill shout, “Run for your life you Idiot, Run!” As he ran down the hill the nymph grabbed his leg and tripped him. He broke the crown of his head on a tree stump and died.  Jill tumbled down after him and laughed with joy. She knew that lying scoundrel would never keep his promise. She would be in his thrall till the end of time. With unconstrained glee she said,   “I’m finally free from Aladdin the Jackal forever.”

 

 

The End

 

 

Author's Note

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