It's Cloudy Weather on Cloud Nine

a nonsense piece

It’s Cloudy Weather on Cloud Nine. 

“I’ve had enough of this nonsense,” said Ruby. “You’re all a bunch of idiots to be taking Cloudy seriously. He’s a raving narcissist. And there‘s no way I’m going to listen to our resident moron Noodle’s diplomatic prattle. I’m out of here! I’d rather swim in quicksand than to listen to Noodle’s inane solutions.” Ruby got out of her chair, slapped Noodle on the side of his head, and gave a baleful stare at Cloudy before exiting the room. 

“Now that’s what I call an effective and dramatic exit, said Bauss. “She sure made me feel like
a doddering dolt. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling Noodle, being that she’s your wife and all.”

“She’s called me worse,” said Noodle. Ruby’s got one bruising and blistering temper, and rather than pummeling Cloudy into a bloody pulp, she redirects that anger at me with meaningless insults and a harmless slap. She knows I can take it, it quells her rage and stops her from acting on her murderous urges.” 

“Hey! Let’s get on with this,” shouted Cloudy, “Ruby loves and hates me in equal measure. She’s has been itching to tie my a*s up in knots for years. She’s never got over the fact that I’m one second older than her. My twin sister is nuttier than a fruitcake, no offense Noodle; she’ll calm down in time and then grudgingly agree with our final decision. Ruby’s just putting on a show for this unscrupulous pirate. She just wants to piss me off. This Cloud Nine scoundrel has the tenacity to use the same nick name as me, Cloud. I will not stand for this grievous injustice. No one will now be able to tell us apart. This is a calamity of epic proportions.” 

“I can assure we’ll easily be able to tell you both apart,” said Noodle. “You being a woman and Cloud Nine being a man kind of takes care of that issue. I have a simple solution. We kill Cloud. We’ll give Cloud a grand funeral, make it a catered affair, hire a band and dance the night away. What do you guys say?”

“Excuse me, I don’t mean to be a bad sport but I rather like being alive,” said Cloud of Nine. Which Cloud do you intend to kill? If it’s her I’ll reluctantly go along with it, but I’m sure Cloudy would prefer being alive as well. 

Cloudy went over to Noodle and punched him in the face. 

Noodle got off the ground rubbed his face and said, “No! No! No! You both got it all wrong. I meant that we just kill the name. It will give you both a sense of closure. After Cloud’s funeral we can then create a Name Giving ceremony. We put two nick-names in a hat, a reincarnated Cloud, back from the grave, and a freshly minted new name, Clouds. You both pick and whichever name you get is yours. No do over’s, one turn, one pick.”

Cloudy and Cloud Nine looked at Noodles and Bauss and nodded in agreement. As they turned toward each other their eyes locked. Cloudy realized that Cloud of Nine was one handsome dude. Cloud of Nine was always aware that she was one hot chick but now she was more than just smoking hot, she was beautiful inside as well as out. It was like a cloud was lifted from their eyes. They both grabbed each other with a passion that shook the foundations and made furious love on the conference table. Bauss and Noodles discreetly left the room. 

The funeral for Cloud was one hip hop hopping affair. Some tears were shed now that Cloud
was finally dead but for the most part it was one hell of a fun night. Pork Chops with mashed potatoes and lima beans were served as the main course with pizzas for dessert. It was delicious. The Name Giving ceremony quickly followed. 

Cloud and Clouds were married a week later by Bauss’s wife Sue113. Left-over pork chops were served as appetizers. 

Ruby grabbed Noodles and planted him with one huge kiss on the kisser. “You’re one damn smart moron.” They both laughed themselves silly. 

rfc
3-30-2017
©Robert F. Callaci