In the Land: of the Red, White, and Blue

For the love of spiders...

In the Land: of the Red, White, and Blue. (650 Words) (Language Warning)

 

 

Things just couldn’t get any worse. I’m totally lost in the middle of the San Juan National forest in bum-f*****g Colorado.  My phone is totally dead; the only food I have left is a beef jerky, a bag of corn chips, and a half-eaten candy bar. I just drank my last few drops of water in my canteen and the blackness of night is approaching. It’s getting goddamn cold out here. I can’t make a fire for warmth and light because I’m out of matches and my flashlight, tent, and all of my supplies are back at the campsite I wandered off from.  I hear the hoots, grunts, and roars, of night predators looking for a good meal.  I’m screwed.

 

I just hope my partner, Trevor, heard the panic in my voice before my phone crapped out and surmised that I was in trouble. I’m praying he called the park rangers here and demanded that they initiate a search for an arrogant Web Designer with an obsession for the internet and spiders. But a big part of me doubts that he heard the desperation in my voice. He was too excited about the spider find, especially since it was he, not I, who found it. He called to gloat and rub it in. I doubt if he was paying attention to my voice intonations. Things are looking quite grim.

 

As I was wallowing in my misery a red-spotted spider crawled up my arm. The momentary joy that the elusive Red Spotted Ant Mimic Spider was right in front of my eyes was overwhelming. But it was short-lived. It was no ant mimic arachnid up my arm but the highly poisonous Red Widow Spider instead.  The son of a b***h bit me.

 

As I was feeling the effects of the venom coursing through my veins I couldn’t help but wonder how the hell a Red Widow Spider can be here in Colorado. They’re only native to Florida.  This must be a sub-species. This was even a greater find than the Red Spotted Ant Mimic. I grabbed the little b*****d and flung it in my canteen. The bite wouldn’t kill me but it’s damn painful and it feels like you’re dying. Hopefully if I get out alive I can study this little creature up close and discover its secrets. I needed to find my way out of here, fame beckoned.

 

I managed to drag myself to a dubious looking hole in the ground. It looked man-made.  I was debating whether to jump in or not, when a vomiting fit took hold of me. I was shaking with the chills and had a high fever. I was feeling like s**t. Poisonous venom can do that to you. I became dizzy, fainted dead away, and fell right into the hole.

 

I woke up in a pool of urine, waste, and vomit. According to my state of the art watch I was unconscious for over twenty four hours. But I was still alive and the worse of the venom stupor was over. The arm where the little s**t bit me was swollen and hurt like hell, but it still functioned. I got up, cleaned myself as best I could and took inventory.  My knapsack with the remainder of my food, camera, and cigarettes was still on my back.  And I thanked God that my canteen was still on my belt. I shook the canteen and was relieved that the little bugger was still there.

 

I was surprised to find that I was in a tunnel.  I was elated, I was in some type of military installation; what else could it be? After a mile or so I finally saw some soldiers walking toward me with guns aimed high. I cursed under my breath; I was in one of President Trumps Internment camps he housed illegal aliens in. I was fucked...I should have voted for Hillary.

 

 

 

 

 

The End

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RC

08-31-2016

©2016 Robert F. Callaci. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Author's Note

a fun little piece...