smokers

The languid cigarette you chose to suck on

Instead of the silver spoon

Tells me everything there is to know about you

I am suspended in its guts

The throes of chemical lace that caught me

Maybe forever, because we’ve both hated before

Reviews

[Allie Miranda]

I feel like there is more to this poem, but it is cut short. Maybe drop the silver spoon line, i think its a little over played and stick with "...you choose to suck on tells me everything..." because it still follows in that way and you are also avoiding the cliche. I'm really trying to decipher your last line. It seems like " May be" makes more sense, but i could be misreading it. Another thing that stumps me is what you mean by "languid cigarette". At first i thought it meant something like, "disgusting" or "harmful" but thats not really what languid means. Is it supposed to be "peaceful cigarette", if anything that tells me something about the person who is speaking and using the adjective and less about the person smoking the cigarette. Otherwise i like it, just needs some refinement.