Glasgow Gestapo

Flag has been thrown out of college for non-payment of fees. He has just landed himself a job as a conductor on a Glasgow Corporation double deck bus. Can't wait to tell his girlfriend.

Legless

A short excerpt from Book 3 of the Flag series - Glasgow December 1959

It was six o’clock when Flag punched his card in the time clock for the first time. On the way home he reviewed the day’s events. All in all, a day well spent, he thought. He left the bus at the stop after Mrs Samson’s place, having just used his new free bus pass, also for the first time. He had some pennies in his pocket, and was dying to talk to Diana, via the phone box on the corner of Pitt Street. He had so much to tell her. His pay day was Saturday, and even with two days lie time, he would have twenty-four hours pay for the other three days he worked, as the time sheet finished Thursday night. He would still have no money for Wednesday evening, but Diana had said she was due a Sunday off. Please God, make it this Sunday. A whole day together, and money in my pocket.

            His hands shook so much, the penny missed the slot the first time. Then the phone at the nurses’ home rang five times before it was picked up.

“Hello, nurses’ home, Sister McConochie here.”

Oh my God thought Flag, it just had to be her, as his thumb hovered over Button A, undecided.

“Hello, is anyone there?” asked the good sister. Flag panicked - she might hang up. He pressed Button A.

“Hello Sister, is Nurse Futers available to come to the phone please?”

Butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth.

“I’m afraid Nurse Futers is not available Master McAndrew. It is you is it not?”

“Yes Sister, it’s me. Could you possibly tell me what might be the best time to call back?”

“I’m sorry young man, I am not a messenger you know, and this telephone is not intended for private calls. However, I can inform you that Nurse Futers has been given permission to go out from four until eight tomorrow evening. Is there anything else you would like to know young man? Such as the fact that she has been rostered to have this Sunday off - all day?”

Flag’s heart missed a beat. You beauty, you beauty.

He almost broke into a dance and tossed the phone in the air. Just in time, he spoke into the hand unit. “Oh, thankyou Sister, thankyou, thankyou.” He nearly hung up, then “Hello? Goodbye Sister, and thankyou, goodbye, I hope you had a nice day. Oh, could you please tell her I got the job, so it might be nearer five o’clock before I can get there. I’d be most grateful Sister, if you could spare the time. I’ll be at Central depot.”

“Of course I’ll tell her. She told me about your problems. There’s not much justice around. Get stuck into your new job, and do the best you can. That’s all you can do, and good luck.”

Her voice was different from before. Softer and more human. Then it changed back abruptly to the old style. “Now get off this phone line, so I can get on with some work!”

He hung up. Diana was right about the hard diamond with the soft centre. A frozen marshmallow? Mexico City? Flag danced a Strip The Willow along the street, much to the amusement of the passersby. A hundred and fifty yards from the phone box he stopped dead, before spinning round and running back. The paper bag with his uniform inside was still on the floor. What would he have done if it hadn’t been? Careful Flag, you have to be more careful. Aw, what the heck!

He danced up the street once more - a waltz this time, with the Corporation jacket as his ‘legless’ partner, and the cap on his head.

“I think you’re drunk my dear,” he said, frowning at the jacket. The middle-aged couple coming the other way moved almost out to the centre of the road. They must have let the lunatics out of the asylum for Christmas said the look on the lady’s face.

He borrowed the iron again, and pressed his nearly new uniform. Once pressed, he tried it on, and it fitted! He stood in front of the wardrobe mirror, adjusting the cap this way and that. Peak down a bit, back a bit, tilt to the left, tilt to the right, curl the sides down. He was so engrossed in admiring his reflection, he didn’t hear Fergus come into the room. The first thing he knew, was a movement in the mirror, followed by someone clutching at his legs. He looked down, and there was Fergus, on his knees, a look of utter despair on his upturned face.

“No, no, not Dachau, please spare me,” pleaded Fergus. “I’ll give you anything you want - money, gold, jewellery” - pause, as Flag glared - “Even my blonde young Aryan mistress, in my secret apartment above the tobacco shop,” added Fergus in desperation.

“Mmmmm.....vot age is she?”

“Only nineteen, and beautiful, with a long silken body sir.”

“Okay,” said Flag. “Give me ze keys to ze apartment, plus five gold bars, zen I promise I vill not send you to Dachau.”

Fergus rummaged in the chest of drawers, and returned to Flag, still on his knees, and offering his hands, palms up.

“Thankyou so much Your Holiness, please accept my gratitude.”

Flag took the old key and brass padlock, before turning towards the door.

“Hauptman! Put zis scum in chains and send him to Belsen. Ve vill vin ze var - Heil Hitler!” He dived for the chest of drawers, muttering “Vere is ze rest of ze gold?”

Fergus pointed his finger at the back of Flag’s head and shouted “BANG!” then spun round with another shot, to take out the invisible Hauptman. Blowing on the end of his finger, he looked casually around. “Didn’t know I was a secret agent, eh?”

Flag turned, and shot Fergus in the face. Then he in turn blew on the end of his finger.

“You vere not to know I vas so sick headed, nein?”

They both collapsed laughing, and it was time for dinner - as soon as Flag removed his Glasgow Gestapo uniform. He was donning corduroy trousers when Fergus piped up again.

“Tell me - before I died, did I tell you about my Aryan mistress’ beautiful, - long, -  glossy, -  black, -  curly - teeth?” Flag threw Adam Smith’s ‘The Wealth of Nations’ and missed. The book slammed into the wall before dropping to the floor.

It can stay there, I don’t need it any more. Might need the rest of the Smith Family though, if I don’t make a go of it with the Corporation.