What I Owe

A piece I wrote as an apology to a girl i almost dated recently...

If you asked me who held my heart last fall

The name wouldn’t match up in winter

The light of spring could start to thaw 

What summer was supposed to heal

The problem is that, in only half a year

I’ve wounded other souls for every scar

unseen, emotional watermarks as if

i needed to own another’s pain like

a former lover left her signature on mine

and now I realize my vanity in hindsight

Thought i was ready for something new once

My old situation told me I wasn’t welcome

So I searched, rather I hunted like the canine

I’ve been jokingly compared to, sinking my fangs

deep into the vibrant flesh of an unsuspecting

victim of the fairer sex, all while wearing sheepskin

you’d think the infernal glow around my irises would

scare away the faint of heart but

wolves and lions seem to always stand at odds

bravery and cunning like swords and spears targeting

the vital points you’d pray your lover would never attack

Funny how she’d light up my sky, or how i longed to

be the dark & comforting night air above her head

Yet now her silence scorches my skin, her indifference

burning apologetic verses onto pages hidden within

And I can only hope that my madness isnt unique to me

But we both know the truth. 

Just like the dawn breaks shadows

Your heart turned cold and 

mine turned away in a moment.

And only now do I mourn what couldve been

So i suppose an apology’s in order, and to be honest

Pride’s held back words of atonement and reconciliation

in the hopes that you’d notice 

i was gone and you'd make the first motion

I’ve chosen to forego that. 

and no i dont expect you to understand

that I thought i wouldve been a better man 

but realized overnight that 

i’m a prisoner in chains i forged 

to keep my demons inside

you wanted my heart but 

all i could offer was a void

and now I know that I owed you more.

If you could call 72 days long enough to

fall in love and learn that

it’s better to lose her than to wound her

then sure. i loved you. 

only now i know i wasn’t good enough to.