The G-Word

Journal! Journal!

Screw pleasantries! I met with the doc yesterday, and...it changed everything...but also nothing.

Ok. I'm getting excited and ahead of myself. Let me take a deep breath.

Alright. To put it simply, the doc finally dropped the G-bomb.

After telling me I was amazing just the way I was for the nth time (and waiting for me to complain about how I feel like I have to live up to that "expectation"), they said, "I'm going to tell you another truth...that will make you very uncomfortable."

"Ok..." I took a deep breath. "Hit me with what you've got."

"I've been your therapist for two years, and I've been waiting for a year to say this to you... I can't say this about all my clients...but, in many aspects of your life, you are psychologically a genius."

Imagine my dumbfounded face staring into emptiness.

And, boy, I never thought I'd cry about something like this.

One part of me was thinking, "What on earth do I do with that kind of information? What does it even mean? Wasn't I just a fast learner? Wasn't I just hard-working? Wasn't I just resilient?"

Another part was thinking, "It all makes sense now! The 'tree and branches of knowledge'! The hypotheses and analyses! The odd fascination with systems and patterns! The lack of notes! The countless memorized maps! The speed of understanding different grammar rules! The 3D brainstorming bubbles! Everything!"

But then...does it change anything about me? 

I don't think so...

I guess it just makes me even more patient with the world and sets a new personal growth goal: accepting that I am at least a little intellectually superior to the average person...which is a really uncomfortable thing to do.

The irony is that I am a victim of crippling impostor syndrome.

The doc also came up with the hypothesis that the reason I want to maintain my straight A so badly was that my subconscious mind was trying to tell my conscious mind that I was a genius. And, dude, it does make sense.

Also, did you know being a genius is actually a psychological disability?

Yeah, that's also one of the it-all-makes-sense-now things I found out.

And despite being super excited and fascinated with this self-discovery, I'm quite hesitant to share it with others. I don't want to brag about it, but it's a part of me.

It's a part of me that evokes envy and drives a lot of people away or against me, and although I know that it's them and not me, it still hurts.

I'll need some time to digest all of this...

But the doc told me talking to you is totally fine (and they like you so far) which is the reason I'm sending you this letter.

As for other things, I packed most of my stuff into huge cardboard boxes I somehow gathered over the past few months. Did my subconscious mind foresee this? My conscious mind will never know, but you, Journal, you might know! If so, please enlighten me.

I'm also excited for my birthday five-day free-book promotion this weekend! I don't know if anyone would read it, but I sure hope at least some do.

Talking about books, I have a rough outline of my third story! Well, "a rough outline" is an exaggeration. I only have an idea of who two of the three MCs will be: a primary psychopath (to give an idea of what psychopaths are really like) and an intellectually gifted person (whose gift drives people away from them...uh, sounds familiar, I know. I swear I had this idea before I talked to the doc yesterday!).

I guess that's the highlight of my life for now.

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Love,

Wathanya

Reviews

[Malise Haligree]

While it gives me something to think about, it does not at all feel as organized and disciplined as you would expect a genius to think.

[Wathanya.5KY3]

One of the points is geniuses aren't always organized or disciplined as many expect. The key word is that last word, expect. :)

[Malise Haligree]

I figured it was purposeful. It just felt very stream of consciousness, which one would expect (Ah, there it is again) from a journal entry so I figured it was supposed to be that way.
Is this fiction or a summary of events?

[Wathanya.5KY3]

Told ya.

If I had to pick, I'd say it's a summary of events.

Journal is the name I gave my journal (wow, very creative), and--as someone who can't maunder to save my own life--I write "letters" to Journal. As for Journal... Well, Journal is kind of my subconscious mind, an imaginary friend of some sort. You can read more about my relationship with Journal here https://www.writerscafe.org/writing/wathanya5ky3/2140684/

Now that I reread it, I might change the author's note a little bit since my relationship with Journal changed slightly.

[Malise Haligree]

It's uncomplicated and I can respect that. It feels like as a fantasy writer finding uncomplicated names to populate a world is a tough feat.
I will check it out tomorrow. I have a bit of a headache from this small phone screen and will be on PC then.

[Wathanya.5KY3]

I respect fantasy writers a lot for your imagination. I tried writing fantasy many years ago, and one thing led to another and now the world is gonna explode because a fire goddess is hungry.

Take your time. This website isn't the most phone-friendly website, speaking from firsthand experience. Plus, I will have edited the description then.

[Malise Haligree]

See, that appeals to me though. Not all good stories end well. There is something bittersweet, where you feel empty but satisfied, at the end of a well-done dark fantasy.
I shall go look at it now.