Black lips

Guess

I feel your lifeless body

I feel your grass green eyes die once more

I see your white skin

Touch the wood floor

I see your black lips

Bruned form the cold

I hear your scream It kills my ears

I hold your gun now I will find who kill you

I watch as they put your body in the car

Yet,I saw a tear round down your face

You are alive

Author's Note

......

Reviews

[SoulofManyFaces]

This is a very good poem, and the emotion came across
quite well.

In the fifth stanza....bruned, not sure what you meant to
put there, but not sure if that is a word.
form: should be from
I hear your screams, (comma)
I hold your gun, (comma)
round: maybe you meant roll down your face
In the last stanza, You are live...maybe you should
add alive.

[Opposum]

Hey,
Im not sure bruned is a word- line 6
did you mean brused from the cold?
add the inside of this ()
I hear your scream(,)It kills my ears- line 7
I hold your gun(,Now I'll find who killed you)- line 8

its a cool poem and i really like the writing style but youll want to adjust the grammer :)

[E. A. Fielder]

who was this one written for? I really like how you write from personal experience. It really makes a writer's work their best. I liked it. Again a few grammatical errors but I do like it.