October 1st 2010: Even though it was such a long time ago; I still remember absolutely every detail about you. You were wearing your black and gray checkered patterned sweatshirt, jeans and black running shoes. To sum everything up, I was absolutely amazed by you. I had met you that night at a mutual friend- Jose’s party. We were the only ones that had shown up. We watched a few terrible movies, ate pizza and just got to know each other a little. I wasn’t anything special, nor were you. The party lasted exactly 6 hours. I don’t know what it was about those 6 hours; but I had fallen for you. I was so happy I was giggling and smiling for the next four days straight.
Later that night my father had come to collect me from the party; I gave you and Jose a hug. Your hug was a long embrace. I felt so warm and comforted like no other when you hugged me for the first time. Your wonderful scent filled my nose; I had smelt it on me falling asleep that night. I had felt so safe, the emotion in everything you did was so prominent.
The next day I went to school I hadn’t seen you in our normal spot for hanging out. I wasn’t really thinking about you in particular. I was thinking about the conversing that was going on in my group of friends. You showed up about 5 minutes before the bell had rung to tell us to go to our first hour. The moment you had shown, my friend Garret had called my name so I had walked to the cluster where Garret had been calling me. You followed me, trying to keep up with my pace. I answered Garret’s question about our English assignment. I began to walk back towards where all my friends were. You stopped me in front of the hallway leading towards the cluster. You quickly asked me to the school’s homecoming dance and asked me to be your girlfriend. I said yes after I had turned about seven shades of red. Your face lit up with joy when I said yes. You smiled so bright I had ever seen anything remotely close to it. I glanced past you to see my ex-boyfriend Nick standing with an angry look on his face. I had never seen him so mad. I walked off to class once the warning bell had rung not thinking much about it.
The night of the homecoming dance had come around so fast. I was so nervous getting ready at my friend Sadie’s house. Sadie needed a date for the dance. I had talked Nick into going as her date, I picked him up and we went over to Sadie’s house two hours before the dance started. I changed into my dress at her house. When I walked out the bathroom with my dress on I saw Nick’s expression on his face go from a smirk to his jaw hit the floor. Sadie helped me do my hair and I helped her get ready. You showed up about half an hour later. I’m not going to lie, you looked so good. More than good, almost beautiful. I couldn’t believe that you had asked me to go with you. I was so nervous. I didn’t know how to act, know what to say. Your mom was talking about how beautiful she thought I was. Your mom and dad told us all to line up for pictures and they took so many of them. On the drive to the dance you sat next to me in my dad’s truck. You laced your fingers into mine as we sat in the back seat. I thought I would die of pure happiness right then and there. I was blushing pretty badly good thing it was really dark so you couldn’t see.
During the slow dance part of the dance you whispered in my ear that I looked unbelievably gorgeous and that you wouldn’t be surprised if every guy in the room was jealous. I was speechless, you rested your forehead against my forehead, looked into my eyes. You said, “I don’t think I’ve ever fallen for someone as fast as I fell for you. You amaze me.” You kissed me perfectly softly sweet. Time seemed to stop. I was more than okay with that. Too bad time has a funny way of speeding up, slowing down, speeding up once again it’s a continuous cycle. Time went too fast, I couldn’t keep up with it. I didn’t see it coming. Didn’t think it would ever happen to me.
December 21st, 2010: Christmas dinner with you and your family. Looking back, this is the point it all went downhill. It was a wonderful evening the food was wonderful. You got me a necklace that had a gold heart and inside the heart there were gems. Along with that you had gotten me hand lotion. You had written me the sweetest note I had ever seen. I was in tears at the end of reading it. You had written that you were sorry you couldn’t be home for New Years with me. You left for Florida the next day. You said that you would text me and you kissed me goodbye. Never knew that that would be the last good moment of “us”. You broke your phone on the plane so you had to use your sisters. You said that you were having a lot of fun and you missed me.
January 4th, 2011: You came back slightly after New Years. We had started to drift after the point that I got sick. I had caught a really bad stomach virus. I couldn’t keep anything down. I was in and out of school every other day for about three weeks. The last day that we were actually talking face to face was one morning before school. I told you that I didn’t feel well you told me that you were sorry and you would pray for me to get better. I thanked him, and then the warning bell rung. He kissed me farewell once again. That was the last time.
I think I always knew something was wrong all along. You see, life has a funny way of telling you when something is wrong. When something just isn’t right, it’s that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach where it churns with every thought of you. Sure enough a few months later I was talking to a friend of yours she told me that you had met a girl and that you were messing around with her online. You had become distant the last few months before I ended things. You didn’t come and see me at school in the hallways anymore, you never texted back, you seemed to be in a really bad mood all the time and you ditched me for your best friend constantly. I did the stupid thing and let you have your space. I should have confronted you about your distancing. Maybe you would have confessed and it wouldn’t have hurt as bad as it did. If I had found out right away and we ended it there.
March 15th, 2011: The day I gave up. I gave up chasing you; I gave up on trying to pull you in again. To be the person I was at the beginning of our relationship. See, I didn’t know one thing about you. You didn’t know one thing about me. Maybe that’s why things turned out the way that they did. I didn’t know what kind of a person you were didn’t know what you were like on the inside. I was so blinded by the things that you said, the actions that you took. I never got to look at your personality for what it was. I found out that you were exact opposite of everything I thought you were. The “you” that I had fallen so incredibly in love with was gone.
I wish I could take apart my brain and figure out why exactly I fell for you. The things that you put me through the things that you said to me, I don’t know why I was ever so stupid to put up with it. I guess it was that you were amazingly good looking and so incredibly sweet to me. You were into of all people- me. You made me feel special, made me feel loved. Above all you cared about me. All of that just to take back every word you had spoken; changing it to the exact opposite meaning. You crushed me, ripped my heart out of the chest cavity that caressed it. It shattered into a million tiny pieces, not worth the hassle to fix.
Ironically, this is around the time that I got better. I began gaining my weight back. I could finally keep down more than applesauce and plain toast. There wasn’t a tense feeling in my chest any longer. I was free in a sense. It was painful, by far one of the most painful things I had ever had to go through. I had never let anyone know absolutely everything about me. The one time I did, I wasn’t good enough. I felt like a failure, like things would never be the same again. In a way I was right, things are not the same now as they were. I guess I will always be second best.
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