If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?

I remember back to december.

Back to when winter was

cold and cruel.

If

I could go back.

I don't know what I would do.

 

I'd probably suffocate because of

You.

 

I wish you didn't flood my thoughts.

I

Can't

get you out of my head.

 

You turned me into a living monster.

You were the only reason to

live.

 

Now theres nothing I can't do

Without

You.

 

Turning my words on

me,

Flipping them inside out,

Twisting their meanings.

 

I don't see

why

it was you I had to fall for.

 

You, that I followed like

a lost puppy.

 

You

aren't

the same as you once were.

 

I remember when you used to tell me

everything.

 

How nothing mattered more to

you

than me.

That you would do anything

just to hear my voice.

 

That you is

dead.

Dead and long gone.

You won't even look at my face

when I'm talking to you.

 

Yet

you bad mouth me

everytime you get.

 

Did anything ever mean anything to you

?

Author's Note

Kinda just decided to play with formatting tell me whatcha think! :D

Reviews

[SoLongAndThanksForAllTh..]

I think this is quite the most brilliant title for a poem I've ever read! However, the style of the poem itself doesn't really match the style of the title which is a bit of a missed opportunity. It's a little like picking up a beautifully drawn comic with new fantastic superheroes on the cover and finding the contents of Marx's Das Kapital inside. Anyway, putting aside the preconception I got from the title here's the rest of my review...

The innovative formatting does work quite well although it does suffer on certain screen resolutions (I initially managed to miss the right hand column on my first read and thought you'd developed a really odd style). As always I like to see experimentation and this is quite novel. More importantly the rigidity of structure that you forced on yourself by having this 'title column' hasn't taken away from the poem itself or made it stilted or awkward. You've managed to capture the eye without killing the brain!

Poetically there's an appropriate helping of angst, regret and pain that one would expect from a break-up poem and it's nicely held together by the structure. As there are so many poems on Writers Cafe exploring this subject from every angle I think what you've done with the title and layout has introduced a welcome change to what is something of a stale subject.

In conclusion this is a decent poem which should be held in better esteem by an innovative structure and a quite brilliant title.

[alifeacoustic]

I think this is a vey clever and enjoyable piece of observational poetry. Says beautifully what many feel. That those you give you heart to, sometimes forget how fragile a thing it is.
Thank you for sharing this. I really enjoyed reading.

[A. Amos]

I see huge potential in your writing, howecer I xan see your huge interest in creating magic. Keep writing

[Laura Harrison]

my favourite band (mayday parade) have a song titled 'if you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet' and you just got it stuck in my head haha :) I love the poem, and I think the structure is excellent

[Sami Khalil]

The title , the poem and the format are all great...:>)..............

[nostal]

I like the overall structure but the grammatical stuff is just glaring.

[kidd x]

So very nicely set up, i like how you stretched your message down the right hand side. Very nicely done and neatly done.

[Aarontastic]

This pattern is used a lot now, but It's still fun to read these types of poems when they are done well, as this one is. It's good that you were experimenting with new things, and writing more of these in the future might not be a bad idea. That said, I do feel like the imagery used here was a bit on the prosaic side, but a few exceptional lines (my favorite was the lost puppy dog reference) save it from being totally commonplace, so a good effort.

[Distant horizons]

Love the style, love the write and LOVE the title.

[Augustus]

Well, everyone below seems to have said it, but I'll say it anyway. A very very intelligent title! Cool play with the formatting as well! I love the way you have turned this poem into something witty and humorous. Typically, poems like these tend to drown in bitterness. But you have put a great twist on it. I really enjoyed this! :)

[Brandon]

i love how the title is set up in the poem, and all on the right side making it fit with everything else, i would never think to do something like that its amazing. And then there is the poem itself which is wonderful, it reminds me of old relationships but in a good way. I enjoyed reading this a lot thanks for sharing!