IT

 

IT

I

People often ask me what it was like. I tell them that it was like nothing they would ever understand or comprehend. This answer rarely goes down well, but the truth is they are ignorant. They do not know the horror that lurks inside of a man’s soul, that deep, animalistic, savage side of oneself that society has trained us to hide. We are like caged animal, you can only be held in check for so long and when the lock does eventually break the wild ferocity cannot be stopped. I have seen the cruel underbelly of this city and its inhabitants, I have lived through the events of that night. Like a baptism of fire and blood I have been reborn, I once was blind but now I can see.  

I can see the pity in the eyes of those who behold my loathsome figure, but, more importantly I can see their disgust and contempt. It has changed these people, they are now shells of their former selves, nothing can change what has happened and nothing will ever be able to undo what has been done. When I am out walking I see it. When I am working I see it. When I close my eyes I see it. Like a plague it has spread through this town and its people, causing pain and suffering to those around. The hooks are in too deep, and every day they get a little bit deeper. It is never over and it is truly inescapable.

II

The clock struck the hour and looking up from his desk the man sighed. It was Friday night and he had been chosen to stay late at the office to finish up work on the magazine. Averting his gaze from the clock in the hopes that time would pass quicker, he turned his attention back to the image on his screen. Squinting; he attempted to read a sentence that was displayed at the top of an article. He began rubbing his eyes and cursed the fact he had left his glasses at home. Becoming tired of his work he got up and walked towards the window.

Gazing at the city street below, he pressed his hands up against the glass. He studied the view and saw something joyous in the humble road. From inside even the pavement was like the snake, tempting him towards wrongdoing. He knew he could not leave but a sudden sense of longing had overcome him, he wanted to be free from the confines of his cell and outside, able to gaze up at the night’s sky above him and to marvel at the far off stars. Oh the stars, he thought, sailing through the sky as if it were a vast ocean and the moon like a lighthouse’s beacon guiding them all home.

He clenched his hand into a fist as he realised his idle daydreams were getting him no closer to his seducer and moved to resume his position at his workstation. It was at this moment he was halted in his tracks by a distant noise. It was faint at first but grew louder with each passing second, it was the roar of anger, a passionate anger emitting from an unknown source. Enthralled by this sudden development he rushed back to the window and saw a crowd gathering on the very streets he had just been admiring. Wasting no time he grabbed his coat and hastened to join them.

 

III

I awoke from a restless slumber, my nightmares once again consumed by visions of it. I felt the sweat buds trickling down my forehead as my heart rate slowly reduced to a normal pace. Raising my hand I wiped the water droplets from my brow. Pulling the covers off of my body I rose from my place of sleep. Darkness has enveloped the room echoing my very being. It has engulfed me. I am left without hope, without a light to guide me on. I reach out for the light switch and turn it on. The light bulb sparks to life. The spark; that is what today will be. This day will be the end of it.

I begin dressing calmly as I try to repress the images in my head, brought about by the nights fever dream. In the dreamscape I was being chased by a pack of feral animals through the street upon which I resided. I was not alone in my terror, there were others there too, and I recognised them as my neighbours, teachers and people I had seen strolling in the street. The beasts were descending upon the group; almost deriving a sick pleasure from our squeals of horror. We could not match their pace and the group thinned one by one. The animals clawed at the scrawny humans, ending their lives before feasting upon what was left. I ran until my muscles ached and my lungs were on fire. Turning back I saw that the beasts had given up the chase in order to devour their prey. My respite was not a victory however as I saw the streets, now a river of blood, and the dead littering the paths. Then it came. Creeping through the dead like a spectre, it was more than mortal. I fell to the floor cowering in fear. It conjured up such feelings of sheer terror I could no longer move. With a wisp of its hand a great fire rose up and consumed my body. The pain had been incredible and I saw it laughing as the flames danced and spread around me. It was at this stage that there had been a loud banging noise from outside which had awoken me from my torture. Shuddering I placed on my final item of clothing. I was finished dressing.

I would never have another night like the last. I would stop these nightmares today. This was the day in which it ends.   

IV

A sudden sense of urgency had sprung over him. He could not understand why but for some reason he felt as if something spectacular was about to occur and that if he did not join in he may regret it. Unlocking the office door, he began to descend the steps. One step down, two steps down, as he travelled forward he found himself taking lengthier bounds as each second past. It was at moments like this he cursed himself for being unfit and also working on the top floor. However still he pressed on heading further downwards and getting closer and closer to his destination.

After a few minutes of travel he finally saw the exit. Like a moth is drawn to a flame he was pulled toward it. His pulse was quickening as he used every ounce of his power to move his figure nearer and nearer. He knew he had to reach the outdoors. He just knew it. The final steps were beneath him now. He stopped as he reached the ground floor. Turning he looked back at the mass of stairs he had just traversed. His pilgrimage was over. He placed a hand on the door and pushed.

V

I emerge from my flat and lock the door. I scan the hall to make sure no one is around before making my way to the elevator and pressing the button. The double doors slide open and I enter. I press the button for the ground floor. This is it. My journey has begun. The descent is a slow one but sadly not a quiet one as I can hear the mechanical crunching and scrapings of the machinery straining to transport me. I am thankful no one joins me in the enclosed space as I feel my nerves beginning to fray and my hands start to shake, out of rage or fear I could not fathom. Gripping the metal bar around the edge of the elevator gave me some comfort as I could grind my hands around it to alleviate the shaking. I felt as if I was in purgatory, waiting for judgement for what felt like an eternity. I must have been in favour today as with that thought the doors slid open, freeing me from the metallic death-trap.

I step out of the door and closing it behind me look out at the expansive street ahead. To reach my destination I must travel through the city streets, which means confronting the hordes that see me not as a man, but as a bird with a pierced wing, I feebly try to fly, to be free from the confides of the earth and soar up into the heavens, but I fail, I never make it off the ground. I am doomed to live out a pitiful existence. I am trapped by circumstance. It has done this to me.

I set off walking deliberately slowly as to avoid drawing attention from any onlookers. With each step I take I feel more and more afraid, the safety of my home is long behind me, ahead lays only the task at hand. As I walk I think back to my dream and shudder, the fear grows with each passing second. I have no time to focus on fear I tell myself, I know that the job needs to be done and this drives me forward. It lies ahead. It must be stopped.   

VI

The door flung open. The cool wind rushed into the corridor chilling him to the bone and causing him to shiver. This did not bother him as he stared at the open street through the doorframe as if studying a work of art on display in a gallery. He was totally transfixed by the sight. He peered closer as the artwork sprang to life in front of his every eyes. The roar of the crowd grew louder as more people rushed past his frame to join the larger horde.

The outdoors appeared to him to be a wild perhaps even magical place, one that was full of the unknown, a sense of mystery and of awe. He did not know if what was out there but he knew he wanted to find out. Looking back at the stairs behind him he could see the light shining from his open office door. The warmth of the light did not entice him now. He had bathed in it for far too long. Once it had been a safe and secure haven but with time it had grown stale and dull. Now there was something new, something fresh and something exciting for him waiting just outside the door.

He dropped his coat and took a step forward tentatively, then another. Whilst his legs ached from exertion he had to know what was happening and why so many others had made their own private pilgrimages to this location. He emerged from the doorway almost triumphantly, driven by a desire for answers and a tantalising feeling that he would never forget the events that were about to occur. Spying the main body of the group a bit further up the street he began to move towards them.   

VII

The journey had gone pleasantly well until, rounding a corner I come upon the first of my victims. A young woman walks my way chatting idly on her mobile phone. Ignorant of her surroundings she bumps into me and hurriedly turns to apologise. I too turn and her face whitens with horror (one might have mistaken her for being deathly ill), stammering out an apology she flees, as they all do now. I find this stirs no emotional response on my part, I am used to this reaction. Instead I focus on the matter at hand and move to continue my journey. In the back of my mind I see it hanging over me, dominating my every thought and action. I am like a puppet, it is pulling my strings and I obey without any way of fighting back. I curse under my breath and find myself filled with resolve to end this tyrannical reign.

As I edge ever nearer to my destination, I wonder how much time has passed since it had altered me. I try to recall how many months, maybe days have passed but I cannot. They are all one hazy blur now. The dream I had this morning was more real than the supposed reality I inhabit now. It is as if I am like a plane on autopilot when I am awake, I complete my necessary functions without much thought or recollection of my actions. The images of family, friends and co-workers blend into one. I cannot distinguish anyone or anything. I am hopeful that today will change that. Today I am awake. I am fully conscious. After today I start anew. A life without it. Oh it shall be glorious. I reach a bend and after manoeuvring around it emerge onto the main streets. I am quickly engulfed by the horde.

VIII

The buzzing of the crowd was immense, he thought as he reached the ensemble. The group was expanding at a rapid rate and he found himself mysteriously invigorated by this strange occurrence. The exhaustion that had gripped him mere moments earlier was now replaced by palpable excitement. He was eager to understand what was causing this event and pushed through the outskirts of the crowd hoping to find answers.

Peering over the heads of the group he could make out one lone female figure standing on the bonnet of a car. With the street lights shining above her she looked as if she were some sort of divine being, sent down to guide those gathered. This figure whistled loudly and the group promptly fell silent. Intrigued, he began to force his way towards the front of the people in the hopes of getting closer to this woman, this enigma on display in front of him. Like a Bee drawn to honey he weaved through the gathered figures who were all too busy standing in awe to notice him. After some effort he finally reached his goal.

It was at this stage that he observed that all of those gathered appeared to be like bees, scuttling around in the hive, watching and waiting for the queen to give them instruction. They all stood deathly quiet as the leader scanned over the crowd. Looking back he saw that the group had now filled the entire street, gazing up he saw others staring through their open windows. This angel commanded all of these people’s attention. He was both parts impressed and intrigued. She opened her mouth to speak and he held his breath wondering what awaited him.

IX

My resolve is wavering as I walk down the expansive road ahead of me attempting to hide myself from the view of those around me. I gazed down at the pavement, drawn to the pattern in which the cracks had formed. It looked look a maze upon which one could find themselves trapped for an eternity as there was no escape from the confides of the concrete. I shuddered as I realised this was not dissimilar to my own feelings and decided to avert my gaze focussing on the people ahead instead.

There was a flow to the way in which people traversed a street, one in which you would never notice unless closely observing as I was. It was a systematic and cold system, you would press forward in your own personal bubble, attempting to avoid others by looking at a phone, your watch or even just your feet. We live in an anti-social age. I could not help but wonder if it had caused this to? However there are inconsistencies to this system. If something is so strange or out of the ordinary the system can break down. Such a thing was happening now as a small child had fixated his gaze upon me. Staring back at the boy I felt as if he, of all people, could see into my very soul. His scrutiny lasted for a long while.  Perhaps he could sense my pain, my struggles and my anguish by simply looking at me. Unlike the response of other adults he smiled at me, and despite myself I grinned. The simple purity of the child astonished me. Perhaps it had not destroyed everything.

X

The excitement that had gripped him quickly vanished. It was replaced with an overwhelming sense of despair and anxiety. The angelic queen he had rushed forward to see had transformed into satanic demon. In his bemusement he stood and watched as the beast picked up a bat and smashed the glass window of the car upon which she stood. It shattered and splintered; flying off into a variety of different directions. With this declaration chaos quickly followed.

He watched as the beast threw herself at another savage and the two struggled. She managed to claim two swift blows with her weapon before three others joined the fray. Outnumbered she desperately tried to fight back but was beaten to a bloody pulp before his eyes. The image of her body laying mangled in front of him made him feel sick and he turned to flee.  

Stumbling through the hellish scene he found himself at the centre of the horde, engulfed in the madness that had consumed these once sane people. Now they appeared to him as little more than wild animals. It was as if they had been freed from captivity and the streets were now their hunting grounds. He watched as one beast dug his fangs into the chest of a lesser animal and heard it squeal in pain as blood burst from its chest. Closing his eyes, he prayed now for his the cell that was his office. There it was safe and although trapped he realised it had kept him from the savages outside. Looking up to the night’s sky he saw that no stars sparkled now, it was as if even they had forsaken him.

XI

My journey had been mercifully uneventful up to this stage. I had negotiated the main streets and fortunately had done so in a peaceful manner. After my brief encounter with that small child I even began to find my spirits unusually uplifted. However I had yet to navigate possibly the most dangerous path yet. I felt my stomach churn due to this newfound worry. It was beginning to affect me.

Moving onto the next street I saw a crowd of people ahead of me. My heart began to pound as if to the rhythm of some unseen drum. I could feel the sweat buds forming on my forehead. It was engulfing me. I kept my head down and pressed forward diligently. I was now level with the group and began to pass them. Time appeared to have slowed as I kept my eyes from meeting theirs. Fortunately the group did not note my presence and my anxiety slowly faded with each step I put between myself and them. Each footstep was a small victory and soon I had gained enough ground to allow myself to breathe again. After spending a few moments recovering I sighed, this truly was an awful life. Curse it.

XII

Staring up into the night’s sky, surrounded by the savages, he wondered if this was the end. Had he been damned by some higher spirit for leaving the safety that had been given to him? He had been ungrateful, eager to disobey and now he had been left to rot amongst the freshly dead. Clasping his hands together he prayed to anyone that might be listening that he might be saved.

This prayer appeared to fall upon deaf ears as he was drawn back to reality when an explosion nearby knocked him down. Stumbling to his feet he realised that he would have to find his own way out of this situation. The beasts continued to hunt and he felt their eyes fall upon him as he began to move away. The savages appeared to enjoy the hunt as they stalked him through the under grove of the dead.

Flames from the explosion were spreading quickly to other buildings. He glanced back at the fire as it roared. Perhaps this is hell? He wondered. We are being punished for our sins. The hunters were nearing him. The fun of toying with their prey was growing thin. One of the beasts pounced causing him to lose his footing and topple into the remnants of a nearby building. The flames roared once again encircling him, warding off the monsters. As they fled he left out a gasp of joy, praising the spirit that had just saved him. However it was at this moment he was left with the crushing realisation that he had been left to a worse fate. Surrounded by the piercing fire he cried out for mercy.

XIII

I was nearing the end of my trek now. I felt as if I had been travelling for a long time. Ever since that day in fact. My whole life had been leading up to this one moment in time. I felt my inhibitions leaving me. I had been burdened with glorious purpose and I intended to see my task done. It could not continue. It had caused so much suffering, brewed so much hate and caused so much anguish. It would not see the end of this day.

I was mere paces away from my destination now. A man walked towards me and without a word placed the bag into my hands. This had all been pre-planned. I stopped to check that the item was suitable for the job. Running my hands along it and twisting it in my palm I deemed it to be worthy and pocketed the object. I strode forward a few more steps and stood facing the door. Looking up at a sign I knew I was in the right place. I knew that behind this inanimate object lay it. I placed a hand upon the doorknob. With it weighing heavily on my heart I twisted and opened the door. My journey was almost over.

XIV

He knew that this was the end. The all-consuming flames grew closer with every second and he found it hard to draw breath due to the thick black smoke that hung overhead. In his final moments he pondered as to what he had achieved. He had little family left, no spouse and no children. He had been unsuccessful in his pursuit of his dream job and had little money. He felt hopelessness unlike that of which he had ever felt before. The blackness that was above him was the emptiness of his heart and soul. Perhaps this fire had been sent to purge him of the darkness that was eating away at his very core. The white, powerful flame drew closer. He prepared for its cleansing touch to engulf him.

It was in this moment that the body overtook his mind. His soul was ready, this he knew in his heart. His mortal body however was not. He was weak. He could not accept his sentence. He did not know why, but he knew. He had to live. To survive. He had to. With all his might he leapt up and burst through the mighty flames. He felt their penetrating heat scathe his uncovered flesh as he sailed through the air. His body struck the ground hard. He writhed in pain as he felt his skin boiling. This was his punishment. He let out a macabre yell. As he twitched on the ground he watched as the beasts began to disappear, slinking and crawling back to whatever cesspit they had escaped from. They left behind only the dead and the hellish landscape they had created. Around him the street burned.

XV

I ascended the stairs slowly. I had come this far. My resolve was unshakable. I gripped the banister as I walked. I took solace in the fact that this would soon be over. It lay at the top these steps. I felt the object bouncing around in my pocket. With one hand I steadied it. The other I used to propel myself up these never-ending stairs.

My pace quickened. I was now anxious for it. Relief, happiness I could not comprehend what I wanted; all I knew was that I was ready. I had prepared for this and now was the time to act. Wildly I raced upwards, using both hands to pull me ever closer to the top. My heart began to trash, my muscles strained, every fibre of my being grew feral. My prey lay just out of reach and I hungered for the satisfaction of the kill. It was mine to devour.

With that I reached the top. My savage impulses subdued as quickly as they had overcome me. I could hardly understand the animalistic nature that had just overcome me, but I knew that this was likely a product of it. Taking a breath to calm myself I stood still until I was certain I could control myself. Looking around I saw my destination. I strode toward the open doors at the end of the hallway. Upon reaching them I entered the room on my left. I placed my hand upon the end of the hospital bed. I had finally completed my journey. I had found it. There it was.

XVI

He opened his eyes with a great deal of effort. It took his vision a moment to recover. Upon doing so he realised that it was unclear as to where he was. The room was a blinding shade of white. For the briefest of seconds he believed he had reached paradise. It was only when he tried to move his arms did he realise that he was still in the mortal realm. The pain was immense and he lay back. Craning his neck he saw his arms were bandaged. Trying to speak he found all he could manage was an illegible squeal.

For the next few days he lay. Confined to his bed, he questioned as to whether he had exchanged one hell for another. His flesh was damaged beyond repair, he would walk again but it would take time and he realised nothing would be the same as it was before. He could not return to an ordinary life after his experiences. It was not possible. His darkened thoughts were interrupted by people who visited occasionally, offering tidings of sympathy and the occasional smile, but he could see their fear. His face was bandaged, as it had been scorched by the intense flames and he dreaded what lay beneath the cloth. It took him many days to summon the strength to remove his bindings.

The tape fell onto his lap. His skin felt sore as the cool air brushed over it. To his side lay a mirror. With all the strength and endurance he could muster he raised and arm and knocked it down onto his bed. He stared into it and saw himself. Or was it himself? He did not recognise the figure he saw in the reflection. If he could not identify himself how would anyone else? Who would want to know him? This man who was disfigured and loathsome to the eye. He was nothing more than a monster now. So many thoughts and questions flowed through his head. After a few moments of utter confusion and shock the images in his brain formed into a singular one. He could see the person clear as day in his mind. He felt and uncontrollable rage building inside himself. In anger he knocked the mirror to one side and ignoring the throbbing pain he felt all over his body he let out an animalistic scream.

 

That was the day I was born.

XVII

She lay peacefully in front of me. The one who had been there that night. The one who had started all of this madness. The one who had caused herself to be placed into a coma and the one who had ruined my life. I took a moment to compose myself. I could feel every atom of my body burning with the incessant rage her very visage brought forth. She had done this. I was scared because of her, the city was fearful because of her, many had died because of her.

Was she proud? I wondered to myself. Did she even realise what she had done. I thought myself weak to have once been taken in by her. That night had changed this city. She had changed me. The feelings of excitement, intrigue and joy would never be felt by me or the inhabitants of this city again. She had caused those emotions to be destroyed, replaced instead by fear, paranoia and resentment. I hated her. Loathed her. Despised her.

The snake, the temptress, the seducer, she was all these things and more. Where once its mystery had enticed me I now saw her for the devil she was. I thought back to him, my old self, so naïve and so easily swayed toward wrongdoing. I had disobeyed and I had paid the price. Now it was time to purge this city of this demon. I was the only person who could do this. I, the one who had been chosen. I had lived through her terrible wrath, I had been to hell and survived. I had been reborn. Only I knew what had to be done. She had to die.

Pulling the gun from my pocket I took aim and pulled the trigger. In an instant the deed was done. The red river ran once again but this time I found myself smiling as it rained. I felt my body relax and go limp. I fell to my knees.

She was gone, it was gone. But, in that moment so was any hope for my own salvation. Forgive me.

 

 

 

END

Author's Note

Decided to just put my entire rough story on here, thanks to anyone who takes the time to read or review. *THERE WILL BE A NUMBER OF ERRORS DUE TO THIS BEING A FIRST DRAFT*