Broken

I ask myself why I feel this overwhelming sadness

Why each heartbeat feels labored, like it’s a chore

Nothing was that bad, they say,

But they don’t understand me.

 

It’s as if I’m running through a thick forest,

I see myself coming to the end, where the light is

Where happiness is

So I run faster and faster hoping to get there sooner,

And when I finally reach it I run into this glass window,

And I see the other side,

And it’s beautiful, and full of happiness and love

I want that, everything in my body wants that

So I begin to bang, and throw rocks and scratch and claw,

But nothing works, I’m defeated

And I fall to my knees crying,

And the sadness returns,

So I crawl back deep into the forest,

And curl into a fetal position,

And let the darkness and sadness consume me,

Let it eat away at me, and tear me up inside

Then I realize everything’s quiet, but my heartbeat

That labored heartbeat, and give up

Im broken, damaged goods

So I do what will take me away,

Sleep, and hope for a better tomorrow.

Author's Note

this was hard to write, i hope you enjoy, please review.

Reviews

[KL]

This was pretty heartwrenching man, and you conveyed that through a specific choice of words that carried the reader as if it were a story. The glass window is just an illusion of the human mind.

[Joshua Donahue]

Such a despairing emotion that has filled this poem. That makes it all the more common for people to feel. I love it. You captured that broken feeling we all feel whenever we have had our hearts ripped out by a destroyed relationship or death. Keep up the good job.

p.s. i take it you have had some personal experience. My advice: grieve as much as can until you are sick of grieving that you are forced to move on. :)

[Moonflower]

Very well done, deep imagery and relatable concept.

[Jonathan De Elvira]

sorrow...only the one that suffered knows better how that feels..

[roarke]

If you think it's hard to write, it's also difficult to "review." Raw emotions and experiences are great to draw from. When you write as well as you do, the reader is transported -right there- and feels the same as you do. So in that respect, you're there.

Personally I don't see this in a "poem format." It's prose alright, but you can write prose and not put it into lines and stanzas. What if you made an audio? A video? What if like drowning fish"s one book here you make the stanza's chapters in a book? How would each of those formats change, enhance or diminish this piece?

I think it's a great thought picture. It's smoothly written and even though separating each line gives it more contemplative suggestion, I don't think the piece needs it. It's a whole, not a sum of parts.

just some experimental suggestions. Keep writing this good stuff.

[Brandon]

This was amazing i really loved this one i hope to see more and keep up the great work


100/100