So Close

It just came to me, i hope you like.

                “I’m going to see Emily today,” Carlo said to himself.

By that simple thought Carlo was completely happy. Emily was Carlo's everything, they began dating in high school, but he had known her since Elementary. She had only lived a block away, so distance was never an issue until college began. Carlo had gone out of state to University, while Emily stayed at home and went to a University nearby. The distance was a challenge to them but they made it through, and Carlo was finally home for good. He had just finished out his final year of college and he planned to do what he wanted to do the whole time. He was going to propose to her.

He had just gotten home an hour ago, he unpacked  and planned to head right over to her house. Carlo didn’t live in the best neighborhood, but he knew once he and Emily were hitched they would be out of this town as soon as possible. Carlo threw on his sweater and shoes, and grabbed the ring that he bought weeks before he came home and shoved it into his pants pocket, and headed to the front door. He entered the living room and saw his mother sitting in her chair watching the television. It was an old rerun of Seinfeld, and Carlo knew that's what she would be doing by this time.

“Where are you off too?” Carlos mother asked still looking at the T.V

Carlo didn’t want to tell his mother about the engagement yet, no one knew about the engagement. So he made up a legitimate excuse.

“I’m going to see Emily,” he said as he grabbed the door handle, he was itching to get away.

“Are you sure, you just got in, and its late Carlo, you know it’s not good to walk the streets this late,” his mother was now looking at him, with a disapproving look.

“Mother its okay, I promise I’ve went to Emily’s way later than this, plus its only right up the street, I know how to protect myself.”

Carlo reached down and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek.

“Don’t worry, mom. I’ll be back later,” and with that he was out the door.

Carlo walked down the steps and was greeted by a nice gust of cool air. The night was perfect, and he smiled to himself. He saw to his right on the corner there was a group of kids, so he decided to cross the street now to avoid future problems. He knew how kids were now a day and he wasn’t going to let them ruin his night. Carlo was just turning the corner when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see who it was and was welcomed with a hard punch to the stomach. He fell to the ground, but instantly got back up so he wouldn’t seem weak.

“You got a problem with us,” said the mysterious boy.

Carlo focused in and noticed there were three other kids behind the boy, and realized they were the kids from the corner.

“No, I don’t, listen I don’t want any trouble,” Carlo said and turned to walk back in the direction he was going.

“You going to take that, Ryan?” said one of the kids from the group.

Apparently Ryan wasn’t taking that because before Carlo could even react he was already on the ground being attacked by the thugs. Carlo took each blow because he knew fighting back would be pointless, he was already on the ground and doing anything more could cause more injury. Just as Carlo was becoming numb to the blows, everything stopped, and it was as if everything was in slow motion. He heard a click and two loud gunshots, one to the stomach, and one to his lower right side. Carlo screamed out in pain, and then he heard the kids run off.

He grabbed his stomach, and he could feel the blood pouring out. The blood was everywhere. He looked around and he realized he was only a few houses away from Emily’s, the person he needed the most right now, the one who would save him. He gathered all the energy he had and dragged himself to her house, he was right by the walk way when he collapsed. He looked up at her house, and could see her through the kitchen window. She looked the same, her long brown hair was tied up in a ponytail, she was wearing one of his sweaters he bought her from University, she was beautiful and everything he wanted, and she was slipping through his fingers.

Emily had gotten up from the kitchen table to put away one of her dishes when it was like magic. She looked through the window and saw Carlo. She dropped her plate and you could hear her scream call 911 to her family. The next thing Carlo knew she was running out the door and by his side.

                “Carlo, what happened, the ambulance is on the way,” she said pulling him onto her lap.

                Carlo could feel himself fading, everything was become blurry he could barely find the energy to talk.

                “Ryan Carrols gang jumped me and shot me,” he said gasping.

                Carlo began to cough and he was coughing up blood. He knew he had little time left with Emily so he had to show her why he came. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the little black box where her ring was, and handed it to her.

                “I was going to propose to you, I wanted to marry you Emily. I love you.” He said closing his eyes.

                Emily began to cry hysterically. She grabbed him closer and hugged and kissed him, she knew he wasn’t going to make it, he was losing too much blood too rapidly.

                “I love you too, Carlo, and I would have said yes.”

                Carlo smiled at the thought of that, but also was saddened by it. He knew he could never be with her again, but he knew she would leave this town as soon as his funeral was done. She would make a better life for her, and he would always be watching over her. Carlo opened his eyes looked up at her one last time, his breathing was labored, and he knew he only had a few seconds left. He took in every feature of Emily’s face and smiled.

                “I love you,” he mouthed, and closed his eyes.

                He heard the faint sound of the sirens in the distance and let go, and wished he listened to his mother.

Author's Note

I hope you like, i went out on a limb and wrote outside of my comfort zone, please review.

Reviews

[roarke]

this is a solid piece. Good structure and continuity. I'd like to see you make it yours. a word here, a sentence there. Sometimes I take a story of mine and pare it down to as few words as possible and then I begin to "flesh-out the skeleton" (I know, pretty cliche) but it does produce my personality into the story. What was the relationship/conflict between Ryan and Carlos? Aside from distance, did the separate schools pose any other difficulties for Carlos and Emily's relationship? Was there a "Westside Story" thing going on?

I think you did a great job writing outside your comfort zone. I wish I was as brave. lol.

[JelliFyshKissUs]

Aw...so heartrending. I love when you say that his breathing "labored". That word brings an amazing image to my mind's eye. Thank you so much, for sharing.

[Unique Expression]

My gosh! You had me hooked on every word. I got a sense from the beginning that there would be a twist, but would it be that she was now with someone else?

The hint came with his Mother's words: “Are you sure, you just got in, and its late Carlo, you know it’s not good to walk the streets this late,”

From that point I was just on tenterhooks waiting for the 'gasp' moment, and it came.

A good, good read, bittersweet, and well articulated.

Im not that much into sad stories but i really liked this. good job

[Maurice]

This is a sad story, but it was written masterfully.

[Hello, Elle]

This was tragically beautiful. I found myself crying toward the end. Beautifully written.

[Zman135]

That was super sad :( It was written amazingly except for one or two spelling errors that didn't really effect the flow of the story. Great job!