The Decison

Another short insert from a book im writing.

“I see how you look at her. The way you smile when you see her. How your whole entire body lights up when she talks to you.” I paused for a moment, taking it all in.

“God how I wish to have that look back again.” I said, putting my head into my hands.

I let the tears come, I was certain there would be a lot more. But I had to say what I had to say, because time was running short. I looked back up at him taking in his face in, the face that I still found so breathtaking, so marvelous. His dark brown hair was shorter now, basically a buzz- how he used to wear it before all this. His body and everything else seemed the same, but I needed to look at the one thing I had been avoiding this whole time, his eyes. His eyes are what attracted me to him. They were a blue I had never seen before, a blue I couldn’t describe, sometimes I found myself staring at him after he was talking because they showed so much emotion they told a story of their own. I finally faced the fear and looked. It was the same ocean blue, but now in both eyes there was brown meshed with it, and made him more beautiful. I found myself lost in his eyes again, I looked until another round of tears came and I finally decided to look away.

“How long,” I asked wiping the tears. I decided to stay away from the subject of his eyes, it would spare me the pain and he could see that.

“A little over a month,” He paused for a second taking a deep breath, and continued.

“She was switched to my unit, and we clicked. Late nights together on watch, you begin to grown feelings, and it just happened. It isn’t too serious but, she’s a nice girl.”

As much as I hated him for saying that, somewhere inside I knew this would happen. He at some point had to realize that this couldn’t work. He was no longer human, and I was.

“They tell you that you won’t remember your past life. That you know the basics, that once you’re changed, you’re free of your old life. You can start fresh, care free, worry free. Of course there are regulations to follow, but you’re not supposed to want to break them, and nobody does. But Joslyn, I remember everything. I remember you, and every moment we’ve shared. Everything from the past, and I have never stopped loving you, and she knows that. She knows that my heart belongs to you. I know I never told you this, but the sad thing is I had it all planned out, I was going to marry you. I could see our kids, our house, and our careers. It was all laid out for us, we just needed time. But this happened, and it could never be. I knew I would stay with you, but then I had doubts. They were after me because of my talents, and it’s rare that they want a human. I knew that each moment I spent with you I was putting you at risk, and I couldn’t live with myself knowing if they caught us I would live and you would die. So I formulated a plan that I knew would work and keep you safe, they would stop hunting for you and I could keep them away. It worked, it went as planned. But as much as I love you, it just can’t happen. Not in this life, in the other world we lived in it did.” I saw him wipe his face, and I realized he was crying.

He hurt just as much as I did.  But I needed to fight for him one last time even though subconsciously I knew it couldn’t work.

“Why can’t you just come back, and we can run again, and I can find a safe house, we’ll be okay. I can’t lose you again, Jason. My heart literally can’t take you not being here, you are my soul mate, please.” I said begging and sobbing.

Jason took my hand, and it felt right. Like it did before, when this s**t wasn’t messed up. When I was allowed to walk around without being hunted, when things were normal and everyone was human.

            “Joslyn, I’ve thought about it every moment of my existence in this life, but I couldn’t, not without putting you in danger and erasing everything I did from the start. If I could, I would runaway with you, but I can’t. Not anymore, but I will make you safe again. I’ll lead you deep into the forest where it will be too hard for them to find you, and I’ll report you missing a few hours later. It can all work out, and she won’t tell. I’ll make you safe, Joslyn.”

I knew begging wouldn’t work. Like the day we parted, he was set in his ways and there was no changing that. I had to let him go, and I had to let myself go, as much as both ideas ripped and tore me up inside, I had to.

            “No, Jason. I won’t go back, not without you. I came so far and I put many people at risk, and I’m not going back and risking the security of the ones who helped me, I cant." I paused for a second, realizing i was actually saying this.

           "They won’t change me, I’ve been on the run too long and they know the Organism will fail. They’ll let me go peacefully. Their nature isn’t to be cruel. Only you guys are, the Capturers. I’m content going knowing I got to see you one last time, knowing you’re alright. I love you Jason, and this is what needs to be done.”

I could see in his eyes he didn’t agree and he let go of my hand. It angered him knowing I wanted to die. I know it also tore him up inside knowing he couldn’t do one thing to change my mind, leave.

            “Joslyn, you don’t have to do this.”

            “But I do,” I interrupted.

            “There’s noting left here for me, but you, and I can’t have you. I didn’t think my plan through, I never thought no was an option. But you said it, and you need to let me go, as much as I don’t want to, and much as I want to hold you and love you I can’t, and that tears me up the most.”

I said it and I let the pain consume me. I laid it all on the table for him. He now knew this is what was going to happen. He placed his hand on my face, and pulled me in for a kiss. His warm lips smashed against mine in such force and it took me by surprise. As much as my body wanted this, ached and yearned for this moment every day, I couldn’t. It would hurt more in the long run. So I mustered up the strength and pushed him away.

“I love you, Joslyn. Don’t do this,” he said wiping his tears.

            That was the exact thing I said to him before he left.

Author's Note

Sorry if there are some grammer mistakes, i often like to write and upload right away, i guess im just excitied to see what you think. But please review i want your input and tell me what i should fix.

Reviews

[Unique Expression]

Haven't checked out your poetry yet, but your story writing is really good.

I definitely want to read more. I want to know what happened before, the bigger background, especially with that subtle, understated way that we are made aware there is something different about these people in love.

Nicely done.

i really like this, i wanna know what happens next. keep writing

[xlunalovex]

Great job! I found this to be exciting! *shelves*

[Sav]

This is great. I really like the whole idea behind it, because it's subtle and not overly put forth. I found only one mistake, and it was just an i that should be capitalized in the last line of the third paragraph. Once again, you did a great job with this.