The Fight

This is also a short section from a story im writing.

He was the last one and I couldn’t let them get me, I came this far and I had to remember what I was fighting for. He threw me on the ground and the wind was knocked out of me, as I gasped for air he took the time to adjust himself and check on the women. I turned my head to the right and in the corner of the apartment I saw it. It was thrown across the room after the lady was finished. I could see the blade glimmer through the blood from the little amount of light the hallway gave. My breath was coming back and I knew there was only a small amount of time. I took all my strength and began to crawl over to the knife, my savior. I grabbed it in just enough time because the man whose name I learned previously was Joseph grabbed my leg and pulled me back to him. I stuffed the knife in the inside of my coat pocket.

“Where do you think you’re going sweetie, you’re dead meat.” He said laughing.

He pulled me up off the ground by my hair and I let him.  He threw me against the wall and began punching me with hard blows to the stomach. The pain was indescribable. One after another, like a knife was piercing my stomach and just digging itself into my body and with each blow I became more and more numb to reality. I begged for him to stop, I needed him to. But it was worthless I felt the blows everywhere, I just took it, and I knew this was it. I didn’t have the ability to grab the knife, and he would find it soon enough.

“Stop, please just kill me, put me out of my misery now!” I screamed slinking to the floor.

Joseph didn’t like that, he picked me up again and pinned my shoulders to the wall, and spat on me.

“I’m going to make you suffer. I loved that women and she’s gone, because of you, a worthless human. You’re f*****g dead!”

He grabbed my neck and began squeezing so hard. I took a big breath, but soon they were small baby breaths and I was running out of time to even take a breath. My head was spinning and I my lungs were burning for sweet precious air. I knew I had to do it, so I slowly grabbed for my coat and searched for the knife, until I felt the sharp blade in my hand. Just as I felt myself letting go I stabbed the knife into his throat, and his hands instantly released. I fell to the floor gasping for air and grabbed my stomach.  I saw Joseph fall to the ground and I knew he would be dead soon by the amount of blood loss. I focused on my breathing until my lungs were fully restored and not burning for the air. My stomach was in immense pain, I knew I had broken a rib or two, but I had no time to worry about that, I needed to get out.

Back up would be here soon, and time was running out. I pulled myself up onto my knees and began crawling like an animal toward the door. I looked around and saw the female I had previously killed and I still couldn’t believe that it was me who did it. I remember talking as a child about how killing another thing or human would be the hardest thing to do, and I just did it here like it was nothing, like it was natural. But I had to remember that this world was no longer a world ran by humans, and they weren’t humans. I finally made it to the door and I got up off my knees, I began to fall when I caught myself on the door hinge. I took deep breath and the pain accompanied it. I didn’t know which way to go but it didn’t matter I would find a way out. I looked to my left and I saw a man at the corner. I fell to my knees again, which honestly wasn’t the best thing to do but my body couldn’t take another fight. This man was loaded and he was a pure capturer, I had no chance of surviving.

I crawled over to him, I was just going to let him shoot me and take me out of my misery, like you would euthanize and animal. I was considered that animal to them. He wasn’t too far away, it just took a couple of seconds before I was in front of him, but he didn’t move. I looked up at him, and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was him! How in the hell could it be him. The one I fought for and killed for was right in front of me, and he would kill me. But I had to make sure that he knew me that he remembered everything. I began to sob like a child, and it was quite unbearable. I wanted to look into his eyes but I knew I couldn’t, not now.

“Jason,” I whispered, as I reached my hand up to touch his hand.

I didn’t even see it coming I just felt the pain and me flying against the wall. I screamed out a bloodcurdling scream and I grabbed my ribs and stomach again knowing that I was seriously messed up. I looked up at him, and I could see and I knew, that he remembered me for one moment, the scream, and the fact he knew he hurt me brought him back, I saw the old Jason and then he was gone, and it was the cold man again. But his face, his eyes everything was the same, I loved him. I needed him, I had to fight for him while I was in front of him because I might not ever have this chance again but I was slipping, I was.. Dying? Dying? I’ve never had this feeling but my whole body was just not receiving signals from my brain. I felt myself drifting, and then I knew that I was probably losing a ton of blood from the fighting in the other room.  

“Jason,” I said again, gasping for air, I paused and took another breath.

 “Why?” I managed to utter.

I wanted to hear his voice, I needed to but, I knew he wouldn’t respond. i just had to say one more thing before I went, I just wanted him to know before I left this world forever and my Jason, even though he was no longer, Jason.

My breathing was shallow, and I took one deep breath and I felt like passing out.

“I waited even though you said not to, and I love you.”

With that, I let myself go I was content dying knowing he was alive and all right, even if he wasn’t human. He was alive, and that’s all that mattered. I drifted off into a better place, a place where I felt safe. Old memories began to fill my head and I immersed myself in everything, I had memories about childhood, my family, my friends, and my love, Jason. I felt warm inside.

Author's Note

im sorry if theres mistakes i wrote this and uploaded right away, please comment and tell me what you think.

Reviews

[roarke]

You have a very strong sense of detail. Again you also show strong structure, although this first draft is a bit awkward here and there, some awkward words and phrases.

As a piece "out of context" and as a first reader, I wanted to know the context of the scene. Where were they and why? How did she know their names? What had happened to make them not human?

All of it can be explained in a few words or sentences, so no major inclusions or rewrites.(I hate those lol) You have this strong grasp of brutal action, very visceral, puts the reader right into it. Keep the pace moving and as seamless as possible.

After reading this, you know you've been in a fight. I'm sweating just reading it. lol

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

This is interesting id like to see the full version. you wrote

and searched for the knife, until I felt the sharp blade in my hand. Just as I felt myself letting go I stabbed the knife

It sounds like you grabed the blade and stabbed the hilt/handle (whatever you want to call it) into him rather than point first. Thats the only thing i saw that could be fixed.