This Other Life.

i eventually want to move this piece of writing into a book but i dont have a full chapter done of it and i was looking for opinions on if this would be a good start to a book, i hope you enjoy.

As I ran through the forest I saw nothing but the blur of trees, broken branches and ground in front of me, and the noise of the Capturers in the distance. I built up my endurance and got a lot stronger in these months of hiding and scavenging. My body was beginning to process and get used to this lifestyle, but it was also processing what just happened back there, and the pain was growing stronger. But I needed to fight through it and stay strong, this is what he wanted, and I had to do this for him. I could still feel him here with me, running and hiding, and fighting. He wasn’t gone yet, I ran as if he was still next to me, making it a game like he usually did, he never worried and it made me feel safe. I became slightly numb to the Capturers in the distance, the faster I ran the faster I could get away from that nightmare.

I ran forward fast and steady, like I usually did with Jason, but I knew he was gone and I came back to reality. I needed him, what the hell was I going to do without him. The hate I had for the capturers grew stronger ever damn second without Jason, but so did the pain. I needed to stop running, to find somewhere to hide but I couldn’t, not until I knew they were gone. I couldn’t give up, it was only fair game for them when I did, and I wasn’t playing fair. Not anymore at least. The tears were taking over my sight and the steadiness I had was gone, and I began tripping over broken branches and roots to trees. I was clumsier because of the tears, and I was cutting myself up.

I could have been running for hours and my legs were screaming in protest, but I continued even though everything was a blur. I finally stopped a little later knowing they had given up, I stood there for less than a second, not even taking in anything around me and then my legs gave out. I fell into the wet dirt and all the leaves twigs and other residents here. My face smacked the ground and I could taste the dirt in my mouth, and the blood on my lip from the fall.  I curled into a ball and let the pain consume me. It took over every inch of my body, and ripped and tore at my heart like a blood thirsty predator to its weak fragile prey. I had never felt this amount of pain before, and panic. Jason was basically the sole provider, he knew his way around these forests, found us food and kept us going until we could find some safe house. That was now gone.

The absence of him and silence around me, made the pain worse. He was no longer here to tell everything was going to be alright. I yearned for his warm body against mine, which always made me feel whole and good again. His soothing whispers in my ear when he knew I was terrified of what was to come.  The feel of his warm lips against mine, and the support I had from him when I was torn to shreds about what was happening.  Our late night talks and the safeness I had anywhere, knowing he was right here next to me. His body, his face, his smell, everything about him I missed. I needed. But I had to live without now, and I wasn’t quite ready.

I held in the sobs, as much as I wanted to scream and yell I needed to keep quiet, for him. Just case he didn’t kill them, and they were searching, though I was positive they wouldn’t come, for now at least. I was so exposed, anyone or anything could get at me, but for this one time, I didn’t care. As much as I had pain, I was exhausted. I couldnt even remember the last time I had slept, so I took this as an opportunity to escape from this hell, and get rest. I relaxed my body and rested my head on the moist dirt, crying until I was unconscious, and the dreams ensued.

“Don’t,” I cried.

“Please, for me, don’t.”

I began to sob, pain stabbing in every part of my body, but I was also angry, what the hell was he thinking; I looked ahead through the rain streaked windshield, and at the dead end. This was all a part of his master plan, and somehow I was oblivious to it.

“I have to,” he said staring out the same window as I.

I wondered if he was looking at the same thing I was, I wondered if he knew this would hurt me as much, I wondered if he had been planning this from the beginning.

“Bullshit,” I said in a shaky voice.

I grabbed the door handle and hopped into the narrow ditch next to the car. I sat down in the wet grass letting the rain pelt my body and face. I looked into the forest, and all I saw was darkness, and then I realized this is what he wanted, he had it all planned. He knew that they had no chance of finding me here, we were surrounded by the forests and darkness, and they wouldn’t have a clue on which direction I went. I put my head in my knees and began sobbing, a few moments later I heard the car door shut and the footsteps of him on the gravel.

He came and sat next to me and grabbed me close, I glanced at him to see him looking up at the dark protruding cumulous clouds. The rain hit his beautiful face, and the pain doubled knowing I might not see that face again. I had to convince him otherwise, but before I could he looked down at me with his breathtaking blue eyes, that were soft, and solemn.

“I want you to run far, and deep into these forests, until your legs collapse, until your body has no strength to keep you going, until you pass out from exhaustion. And I want you to know that even if I don’t make it here, I’ll be with you helping you every step of the way. Just as if I was there with you, running with you, holding you and encouraging you. And if I make it, I will find you no matter what, and we’ll live, and scavenge together, and I’ll keep you safe again, on this hell that we have to call earth.”

It was all coming together and at this point. I had no chance of changing his mind. He was doing this for me, and protesting would do no good. I grabbed him as the words sank in. I held on to him like my life depended on it, and he held me just as close. In the distance I heard the sirens, and I knew this was it. He stood up and grabbed me up with him. I thought back to how long we lasted, we were on the run for quite some time, and managed to stay safe. At this point I had no other way I looked at the end of the road that turned into forest and knew this was it.

As the sirens grew closer, he pulled me in for one last embrace, one last kiss.

            “I’ll love you no matter what I become, or where I am, forever and always, Jessica,” and he kissed me on the lips.

I didn’t understand how he could be so calm in this moment, but I think he was being strong for me and I appreciated it.

“I love you too, so much. And I’ll fight for us, and I’ll wait for you,” I said, wiping the tears from my face.

I held his hand until the sirens and flashing lights were right around the corners. I looked at him one last time.

“I must fight for us,” he said turning to me, with tears pouring over his eyelids.

“Now, Run!”

I released my grip and obeyed his order. I bolted for the trees just as the capturers pulled around the corner. I ran until I was deep enough into the forest and I looked behind me, and saw him being slammed to the ground, but him fighting back just as hard. I turned back unable to look any longer, and ran. I heard a gunshot and stumbled to the ground, the pain came, and so did the tears. But I had to get back up, I had to fight, I ran for the only thing I loved, my Jason.

Reviews

[roarke]

I know this is "write in the moment" and a very good one. I have a problem with a similar story, I'm really attached to the emotion of it and I have one or two sentences per paragraph and I am struggling to pare it down into two or three really good paragraphs. Obviously I'll be doing major over writes. lol.
You can handle complex characters, you have a good flow and organization to your work. Write a state of emotion and go on with the story/characters. Don't over do the "unknown" motivation or feelings part. Have your characters reveal themselves by what they do or what has concretely happened.

I liked this. Writers should never throw anything out. It's funny how bits and pieces of ideas can be fitted together, look at Vonnegut and Joyce. lol. The reader can tell you enjoy writing and that's a good thing.

[Hello, Elle]

Lovely. I say you turn it into a book! You left me wanting to know more. Great work.

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

I think the first part upto the 'dreams ensued' might be a good proluge and the rest as chapter 1 but it depends on if your going to have a proluge. its upto you but personally id avoide saying 'and he kissed me on the lips.' and replace it with somthing like 'then he kissed me. his lips were warm and soft against mine.' but like i said your story. there were only two places i saw that had a problem a word was missing a 'Y' and the word 'ME' was missing from a sentance. both are near the beginning.

[Rose Elizabeth]

What an interesting start. I'd defiantly like to know what comes next and why she's running. There's a lot of drama to catch a readers attention and you tell just enough to get someone hooked. Good write!