How It Felt Being Quiet

Reflection on my elementary school days.

 It’s hard to remember a lot of the people I met during the elementary school years. The reason of this is because I was always so quiet and kept to myself. During class, I always chose to work alone when the teacher told us to find a partner to work on our projects with. When she brought it to my attention, I simply answered that I worked better individually.

     The truth is that I worked the same with or without a partner. I only had one friend named Shyana. She had other friends though, so she would often choose one of them and I’d be left to work on my own. Nobody ever paid much attention to me. I was generally off in another world or drawing pictures on a sheet of paper while everyone else socialized with one another.  This was my favorite thing to do at those times where small talk was permitted because it kept me busy.

     It was also about the only time I received any attention from fellow classmates as well. Two or three students at once would congregate around my desk and watch the quick strokes of my pencil’s lead as it formed artwork. Sometimes I liked the attention, and I’d purposefully begin doodling in hopes that I’d get acknowledged. It always felt good to hear their praises and astonished voices as they observed my creations.

     As I slowly learned that my art would give me positive attention from my peers, I began to take every opportunity to draw. When they complimented me, I’d just nod my head in thanks and smile before looking back down at the paper to continue my art. I was never very good at small talk, but I always brightened up at the fact that I was interesting to someone. I always figured that if I couldn’t reel people in with words, then maybe I could with my actions.

      After some time, kids in my class began requesting that I draw pictures for them. I’d go home and work on the requests at night and bring them in the next day. After presenting the finished product, the requester would then take the picture and brag to a few friends about what I drew for them.  Other students would then marvel at my work, and thus my silent past would soon be broken.

        After a few weeks of taking art requests and fulfilling each of them to my greatest potential, I began to gain confidence. I’d no longer be the loner who didn’t know what to say when the new kid sitting next to me smiled in my direction and said “Hi”. I’d now be the person who’d respond to the new student’s friendly greeting with a question like “Do you like to draw?”