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She stared into his eyes; his eyes were
warm and seemed to be filled with the wisdom of the ages. She felt like she
wanted to, no needed to explain herself.
So she began ………
It was the first real snowy night, since I had left my old
life behind. We sat in my Bronco and watched the flakes collect on the wind
shield before the wipers pushed them aside. We talked about everything and
about nothing all at the same time. He had quickly become my close friend and
ally in life. But: did I love him as a man or as my friend or brother; I
never really had a chance to decide.
He was for now my best friend, and I loved him for that.
I was struggling so hard to ignore the feelings I knew were
bottled up inside of him. He had given his all in so many ways to be at my
side. I couldn't deserve someone like him. He surpassed even my dreams. Years
before I would have barely given him the time of day; he was not wealthy,
handsome or overly gifted, at least not in the material ways that mattered to
the world I lived in. But, now: things were so different and I pondered, How
could I be worthy of him?
Fighting the feelings, the confusion, the questions that were
spinning around my mind, I slowly moved closer to him. I looked over at him,
he was always a gentleman, he requested the honour of holding his princess.
Smiling, he welcomed me over and I nestled myself into his arms. I remember
the first time he held my hand and I felt energized by the touch of his skin
to mine. I knew; he wanted me so very badly; I had seen the look in other
men’s eyes but his; his was different from the others. He seemed to look
beyond my body and I knew he would protect me never considering just taking
me and moving along to another. I looked into his face and I am not sure when
exactly but I kissed his hand then his arm moments turned into hours and we
slowly began to kiss. Very gently and so slowly, but it grew so intimate. His
left hand slowly began to stroke my long hair and for the first time, I knew,
I loved him as a man, not any man either but as my man!
As we kissed my confusion boiled over to something quite
different, I at first thought it was lust or a want for sex. It had been so
very, very, long you see.
She paused from her tale expecting thunderbolts or quick
judgment to occur, instead only silent acceptance. She decided to
continue on….
But no, it was far different it was love and passion boiling
over in me. I knew I wanted this man not just for some momentary pleasure,
but for my own. I was finally in
love with a whole man and not his looks, his drugs or power or the size of
his, his you know.
Things seemed to happen so quickly from that point on, we
moved carefully to my back seat, very soon after that we made love. It was so
sweet, warm and special, like never before.
She stopped herself and looked at the man for a long moment. She did not know exactly what to say, but she already knew he would understand.
“Child, your father knows your heart and so much more.” He
said softly, with a warm that could heat a thousand frozen homes.
I had lovers that where better, physically more driven, but no
one made be feel so complete, safe, loved and wanted forever. I knew I was
beautiful to him and if my looks vanished a moment later he still would love
me.
I remember; once that louder preacher man who sure preached up
a storm that entire summer at us. I remember him talking about weakness of
the flesh and the mind, but it was not like that, not like that at all. .
That night was to be the beginning of an open and honest love that did not
displace us being best friends, but built upon it. That night all I could see
was love in his eyes, and I knew that is what he saw in mine. I knew I would be married for yes,
the forth time but this time it was REAL!
She looked toward her feet unable to look at those warm eyes
that seemed to penetrate her very being.
Maybe it was wrong; I wish I had the chance to stand before
that preacher man with him in my arms. I have been many things in my life;
her mind flooded with images of nightclubs, alcohol, wild sexually encounters,
but also with the birth of her daughter, pulling the two woman off the back
of the prison guard and puller her away to safety. Yes, she had lived both a
good and bad life.
She looked up at his face and it was the face of a saint. She
felt love and understanding, not judgment or scorn. She felt like she did the
previous year in her old life, the night she let the preacher man introduce
her to a man named Jesus.
Her mind raced
suddenly to that snowy night, the sudden bright lights, sound of
horns, sirens, steel crashing against steel. She remembers extreme pain
flowing over her body as she was tossed to and fro against the steering wheel
and her love. The feeling of blood flowing from her body and the feeling of
falling into a deep mysterious sleep.
She remembered awakening with no bruises or cuts, but she was staring at her own
twisted and battered motionless body. A man with an orange construction
helmet and a thick woollen coat struggled to reach her. She tried to call out to
him to tell her she was thrown clear of the truck but he did not seem to hear
her voice even when she screamed.
“My child, I find your name her in the book of life, come in
and experience new life.” He said in a voice that echoed with love, warmth
and understanding.
She looked toward the warmth of the man but seemed unable to
move away from the thoughts in her mind.
“When you are ready my child, “ he said as she drifted away
once more.
She was back to her the twisted wreckage of the Bronco, she
could clearly see the large snow plow that had struck her truck. The blinding
snow and icy roads seemed not to both her as she watched a fire truck pull up
behind the police car behind her truck.
She followed the workers around but no one seemed to hear her.
“LOSERS; I
AM OVER HERE!”
She went back to the wreckage and saw several people
frantically worker on her friend, her love, her man. They seemed to be
ignoring the shape that seemed to be her.
At the moment she wondered, she wondered…
A voice echoed toward her, “Chastity, Chastity Robins, child
you need to come with me.”
She looked around and could not see who was calling her. She
called out and looked amongst all those at the accident scene. Through the
blowing snow she saw a blonde haired man in a fine white suit, he wore white
loafer shoes, he almost seemed to glide as his body moved toward her.
She stared at the wreckage her broken body being cut from the
vehicle. Her long silken hair wet with her blood; but her companion, what of
her companion.
He looked to her with a warm glow all about him then held out
his left hand to her.
His voice was almost musical as he spoke “Oh, Chastity, it is
time for us to go.”
She wanted to cry but could not; she looked to him and felt
drawn to him. She knew who or what he was, but did not know what to do or
what to say.
“Yes; I am he or she depending on what you believe you will
see.” He said to her as his voice echoed out over the din of the sirens. “I
am here as your guide not your judge, fear not child, I have no sickle and
boney hands, unless that is what you truly want.”
“I am dead, I knew it, but he, he will live? She thought to
himself. She looked into the warmth of his face, “You are as I also hoped and
prayed it would be .” she said to him still quite frightened.
“I know my child; I am here to guide you, to help you start
your voyage you might say.” He said as he took her hand. He looked into her
face, “Your companion knows the love you have for him and it will be his
strength to live and move on for many years to come. Now it is time for us to move away
from this place of despair to a place of hope and wonder.
She found herself staring back at the man being drawn into a
grand gateway. He waved his hand almost like a theatrical actor toward the
gateway; “Child the heavens await thee.”
She turned toward him and touched his outstretched arm finally
feeling ever lasting peace and harmony. . She spoke softly; “I know” As she
entered the gates. “My father is here….”
By
Warren B Curle
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