Fifteen

Back home.

The next day, I woke up in my own home to a blanket of white outside. There was already about four feet of snow, but it was still snowing heavily. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Gideon since I got home, so the first thing I did when I stumbled out of bed was call him. I asked him if he wanted to come over and he said he’d be over in about ten minutes. I threw on a jacket and ran downstairs to look out the sliding back door. Everything including the sky was white. It looked beautiful. 

When I heard Gideon’s car pull up to the driveway, I threw on some slides and shuffled out to greet him. 

 

“Hey!” he said enthusiastically. “How was the trip?” 

I shrugged. “It was nice, I guess. But my mom was right. My grandmother’s not doing any better.” 

Gideon frowned. “Sorry to hear that.” 

“It’s okay. It happens, you know?” I replied. “I missed you.” 

His face lit up again as his mouth twisted into a smirk. “You missed me?”  

I smiled and nodded, as heat rushed to my cheeks. Then Gideon smiled sincerely and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. “I missed you too.” 

We stayed there for a second, maybe longer than we should’ve. Finally, I cleared my throat and gently pulled away.  

“It’s pretty cold,” I said, shivering. “Let’s get inside.” 

 

We walked upstairs quietly, careful not to wake up my parents. Nick had left early in the morning to do, who knows what. Gideon followed me into my room and shut the door behind him. I crawled onto the bed as he pulled his phone out of his back pocket. He scrolled until eventually, he said, “Music.” A harmonious melody leaked out his Gideon’s phone as he set it on my desk.  

I smiled. “Come here.” I patted the bed, which he crawled onto to sit next to me. I shifted so that our bodies fit together perfectly. 

“My hands are frozen,” Gideon said, laughing. 

Without thinking, I brought his hands up to my lips and started kissing them slowly, in hopes that they would warm up. I didn’t think anything of it. I couldn’t believe how confident I was with Gideon. If you would’ve told me a year ago that I would be sitting in my room kissing my boyfriend’s hands, I wouldn't've believed you. 

Gideon lifted his chin up, so he was looking at my face, and I kissed him. His lips tasted like peppermint. How appropriate for the season. I ran his hands underneath my shirt, over my stomach and I heard him gasp. My hands fell lower and then, my fingertips stroked beneath the waist band of his sweatpants. I held my breath, unsure of what to do. I decided to move my hands away just in time. I could hear Gideon exhale.  

I realized that there’s been many times when Gideon and I could've easily given ourselves to each other. But I think Gideon and I have this unspoken understanding about sex. That after it, nothing changes except the relationship. And not always in a good way. I’m not 100% sure what Gideon thinks about it, but I for one don’t think it’s worth risking a good relationship. 

The playlist switched from a song I didn’t know to a song with a smoother melody. Soon, a man started singing, and the song became recognizable. 

“I love this song,” Gideon said. “Only you know me, the way you know me...” The sound of his voice was music to my ears.  

“You have a really good voice.” 

He smiled and shrugged. We cuddled together some more. Eventually, I looked at him to say something, but noticed that he was frowning. 

“Are you okay?” I asked. 

My voice seemed to startle him, and he looked at me.  

“Yea. I’m just thinking about college.” 

“What about it?” 

‘Well, it’s just...,” he started. “I don’t know if you know this, but Adrian's leaving in January. He got a full ride to the University of Illinois to play basketball.” 

“Wow! I didn’t,” I replied. “That’s amazing!”  

Gideon nodded and continued. “Yea, and Val seems to have it figured out too. But I don’t know what I’m going to do. Unless I get a whole bunch of scholarships, I’m not gonna have any way to pay for college.” 

“Well...,” I hesitated. “Whatever you decide, I’ll support you every step of the way.” 

Gideon looked back at me and smiled warmly. I smiled back at him before looking away. I could feel Gideon continue to stare at me, but before I could question it, he spoke up. 

“Riley,” Gideon said. I looked back up at him. 

“Yes?” I replied. 

It was odd. Gideon’s voice suddenly changed tone. He sounded nervous. But he also looked nervous. Or anxious, or something. I could almost feel the restlessness radiating off him. 

“I-…,” His sentence was cut off by his voice cracking, as if his vocal cords weren’t prepared for him to speak. He cleared his throat. 

I weaved my fingers into his, our hands clutching together. 

He exhaled. Then, I heard what I never expected anyone to say to me. Ever. 

 

“I love you.” 

 

I froze. The familiar warmth entered my body once again, from the tip of my head to my toes. I could feel my fluttering heart start picking up pace. Suddenly, a flurry of excitement and mixed emotions flew through me. I felt like I wanted to cry, and scream, and burst out laughing all at the same time.  

When I first met Gideon, I assumed he was a lady’s man. The guy that all the girls fawn over. He still seems that way, except maybe instead of all the girls fawning over him, it’s all the boys. Those words don’t seem like something a guy like that would say first, if at all. 

But then I realized, Gideon wasn’t that guy at all. Maybe when I first met him, that is.  

Or maybe... Had I caught his interest the first day we met? Regardless of the reason for his flirty behavior in the bookstore, I knew that ever since then, he had acted differently when he was around me. He was friendly. And he acted as though he cared about me. Genuinely.  

I had never felt safe to the extent I felt when I was with him. It’s crazy to think about, the whole matter of it all. 

I looked back at Gideon, his green puppy-dog eyes still staring into mine. 

 

And with an unusually soft voice, I replied, “I love you, Gideon.” 

 

His face lit up as he subtly looked back and forth between my eyes, as if unsure which eye to focus on. Then he gently pulled me closer and kissed me again. And then we sat on my bed, basking in each other’s love, making out as snow fell from the gray sky, and ZAYN’s There You Are rang out from my phone’s speaker. 

 

 

~ 

 

 

Finally, Christmas arrived. So far, it’s been a chilly winter. It’d been snowing almost every day, never giving the snow from the day before a chance to melt. The leaves all fell from the trees and the lake in our backyard froze, over and soon, second semester of my junior year had started. 

We all sat at the same lunch table we’d sat at since August, everyone talking about their Christmas break.  

 

“Hey, when are you leaving for U-I-U-C?” I asked Adrian. 

“Next week,” he replied. “Wow. This is my last week of high school.” 

“Hey, you guys should come to the train station with us,” Val said. “He’s leaving on Tuesday. Let’s just all skip school and be the ones to send him off.” 

Adrian smiled. “Yea, I’d like that.” Gideon looked at me and Adrian continued, “Come on guys. It'd be fun too. You guys could go get lunch or something when the train leaves.” 

I shrugged. “Okay, I’m in. My mom will probably let me skip, considering how relieved she is that I actually have friends.”  

Gideon laughed and said, “Okay. Tuesday’s officially a skip day I guess.” 

 

So, on Tuesday the next week, we all waited at the train station with Adrian. His husky father was carrying his various sized bags out of the trunk of their car.  

 

“I’m so proud of you, son,” he said. 

Adrian smiled before turning back to us. “Make sure to send me graduation pictures guys,” he told Val and Gideon.

“And hang in there Riley. Senior year will fly by before you know it. Cherish your moments, bro.” 

I smiled and Val wrapped her arms around him. He returned the favor, and they stood there for a while, holding each other. Pretty soon, we heard the train approaching. 

“I love you,” Val said as he pulled away to say goodbye to his parents.  

“I love you, Val. I’ll facetime you every night, I promise.” He smiled and turned toward his parents to hug them.  

When the train slowed to a stop, he loaded his bags onto the platform with the help of his father. And then before I knew it, we were waving goodbye to Adrian. He had a look of excitement on his face, like he couldn’t wait to start his life. The train started moving faster and faster at a steady pace until eventually, he was gone. 

After the train was long gone, we decided to eat at a nearby sandwich shop. We all sat around a table, silent at first. 

 

“I can’t believe he left,” Val said. “And before Valentine’s Day.” 

Just then, a waitress brought our sandwiches to the table. 

“That’s like a month away,” Gideon replied. “I’m sure you could visit him down there or something.” 

Val shrugged and nodded as she bit into the sandwich.  She then picked up her glass of water and chugged it until the glass was empty.  

“Woah, slow down there,” Gideon persuaded.  

“It’s just...,” Val continued as she took another bite of her food. With her mouth full, she continued, “I don’t know how I’m going to deal with not going to school with him. We worked out a schedule for...,” 

“Okay,” Gideon interjected. “Finish your food. Gosh.” 

She rolled her eyes and when she swallowed, she repeated, “We worked out a schedule for visiting each other, but what about the rest of the semester? And then college? I’m not going to be able to tell him I aced my test.” 

“You can text him a picture,” I suggested. 

She shrugged. “Yea, but it’s not the same. And that’s also not the point.” 

“Well, we’ll still be here,” Gideon reminded. 

Val nodded. Then, “I’m going to the bathroom. Be right back.” She hopped up from her chair and made her way to the back of the restaurant. 

“You think she’ll be okay?” I asked. 

“Yea, she’ll be fine,” Gideon said. “Her best friend of like nine years tried to steal Adrian last year. Tried to seduce him and everything. They stopped being friends and she was pretty pissed, but she got over it in like a week.” 

I heard a noise come from Gideon’s phone, and he checked to see what it was.  

"Hey,” he interjected. “I have to go. I’ll see you later.” Gideon quickly kissed me before I could get a chance to ask him where he was going and walked out the door.