Once

"So basically you feel when things improve they're just going to fall right apart again?"

"Yup. That's correct."

"And why do you feel that way?"

"Because whenever things are going good, something, even if it's a flick of a flea in my direction, it changes my whole attitude."

"So something as small as a flea can change you?"

"Will you stop reiterating my statements?"

"Very well then. What am I supposed to say?"

"I dunno, maybe try actually doing your job rather than saying the same s**t over and over?"

"Cut me some slack here, this is my first year."

I look off to a ladybug crawling to the windowsill; its wing looks crooked.

"That explains a lot."

"Look, I'm going to not be so therapist, and be brutally honest with you, are you ready?"

"Hit me."

"You can not just let things fly by and get into your system. Your outlook on life is at times parasitic. All these little microscopic things trying to mess with you are being turned into something as bad as a tapeworm, eating everything you have left only to be looking for more and having the cycle repeat all over again. How are you going to live life attempting to be fulfilled if you let that little flea destroy you from the inside out? You've found ways to get out of the void numerous times, or something coincidentally happens at the right place, at the right time, and everything changes. You're smiling. Life is good. But, as soon as something is harshly addressed or brought to your attention, you shame and blame yourself, and the tapeworm is taking up every last inch of you."

"..You're comparing my depression and anxiety to an internal parasite?"

"Yes! That's because that's exactly what it is. If you want to change this, you're not spending $200 for each session for nothing. Fix you before you fall to pieces. Fix you before you someday end up taking your life, and while looking down on every last person you left behind, deeply regret that forever decision. Fix. You."

Every word just spoken is like each weed stemming from my skin being cut down.

I take it all in and absorb every last syllable.

The timer chimes.

Without a word, I get up out of the leather chair, and go home.