Baby on the way..

I had spend the night at my boyfriends place (Boyfriend at the time). I had went home early that morning because I had something bugging me and I needed my Mom to come with me to go to the store. I was broke from buy vodka and even buying E to get high on. The parents thought I was spending the night at a friends place so it wasn’t odd that I was coming home so early. I had like spending time at home in my bed. I had been really depressed the passed few months and I couldn’t seem to get over it. When I got home my parents were already up and dressed for the day. Even if it was a sat they got up early no matter what day of the week it was. My Mom was planning on going to wal-mart anyways so I asked if I could go. I was so tired I had big black bags under my eyes and my mom had no problem pointing it out. Once we got in the car and were on the way to the store I knew this was going to be the best time to ask. For one if we did it at home my Dad would have gone nuts. If I did it at the store im not sure how my mom would have acted. Asking in the car was the best time.

    

    “Umm mom. We’re going to wal-mart right?” I said. I could tell I was scared but I knew I had to ask.

    

    “Yes? Why?” hear eyes stayed on the road. I was happy she couldn’t look at me right now. Im not sure I could ask her if she was looking at me.

    

    “I need to buy something. I don’t want to buy it but I kind of need to know.” I said. I knew she knew what I was talking about. I needed my mom to buy me a pregnancy test. All my mother could say was “Oh” I wasn’t sure what she was thinking. But we talked as if nothing was wrong and it made me feel like no matter what was going on with me I could always go to my mom about everything in my life.

    

    Once we got to the store my Mom and I went to mcdicks and got something to eat. We talked over who the dad was and if I wanted to keep it or not. I wasn’t sure at the time but I think I always knew if I was pregnant I should keep it. It was a hard time in my life before this day. I had been dealing with depression and I was even really thinking about trying to kill myself. After I had talked to my mom and told her that I was pretty sure that my ex boyfriend was the father of my child I wasn’t sure how my mom was feeling about the whole thing. We went and got the test and went home and I went right to the bathroom to do the test. I waited the 5 mins and it felt like my heart was getting big and beating faster every min that went by. By the time I waited the 5 mins I was scared to look at the test. If there was 2 pink lines I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I was scared I couldn’t handle having this baby. I couldn’t even take care of myself now a days. I mean I had just planned on killing myself the day before.

    

    I walked down stairs because my Mom was cleaning some clothes for work the next day and I walked right up to her and said “Mom it says im pregnant.”

    

    “Im going to say the same thing I said to your sister when she got pregnant. You are over 18 now so if you want to keep this baby you have to take care of it. If you don’t want to keep it I’ll understand and ill be here for you.” I would have to say at that point I had made up my mind to keep the baby. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do or how I was going to get the money to do it. But I was going to do everything in my power to take care of this little baby that was inside my body.

    

    Later that night I told my mom I would like to keep. She said we had to tell my dad before we told anyone. When my sister got pregnant at 18 my dad was the last one to no in the family and he was very upset about it so we wanted to tell him first before we talk my brother and sister. That night as we were all sitting down watching tv like most nights I tired many times to tell him but it was like I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. I couldn’t say the words “Dad im pregnant and im going to keep the baby” My mom could see I was having a hard time trying to get the words out so she said.

    

    “Hun, I think Stephanie wants to say something to you.” When have something big to tell people I seem to always have a big smile on my face making them believe that I’m not telling the truth or im trying to make a joke. So as I was trying to tell my dad I had this big goofy smile on my face and im pretty sure that I was looking at the ground trying not to look at my day. I was pretty sure he was going to disappointed in me.

    

    “Dad, im pregnant. I think im going to keep it. By the way its Travis’s” I knew my dad was going to be mad but I didn’t think he was going to be mad at the fact my babies father was my ex boyfriend. He was more made at the fact that he was the dad then the fact I was going to be a mother. That was how I told my parents that I was pregnant. Wasn’t all that bad and my parents seemed to be very understand when it came to the whole thing. Going in and out of my depression I was having a hard time living and even if the whole time I was pregnant was hard it still gave me a reason every day to get up and to eat and to try my best.