To jump or not to jump

    "Theres something i need to tell you. I wasnt always like this" I said as i looked down at the table. I closed my eyes because it felt like i couldnt stand to be in this room any longer. "I was a nice person. At one point." I looked up at the woman sitting in front of me. She was here because of what happened.
  
   "I need you to tell me what happened. Im not saying your a bad person.."
  
   "I never said you did." I stopped her from saying anything. I felt like if i was going to be made to sit in the room i was going to be the one talking. She was here to hear what i had to say. Not here to say how she was feeling. I could feel myself getting colder towards her. I was looking at her face and thinking about all the ways i could hurt her. I never wanted to be here. But i broke. I stopped caring about coming in this room. I was told i would always end up somewhere like this. I guess those people have always been right.
  
   "As i was saying. I need you to tell me what happened." She said as she looked down at me. Kind of like when a mom looks down on there child for doing something wrong. Thats how she was looking at me. 

   "Miss. Roy Im not really sure what you want to hear from me. Im sure everyone that was there was glad to tell you what i did." I could feel my eyes burning into her head. I was hoping she was getting mad at me. I was hoping she was starting to hate me.

   "I got there side of the story but i need to hears yours. Id like to understand what was going on in your head." She said as she put her pen down on the table. I was hoping she was feeling she was going to get anywhere with me tonight. Maybe she would get so mad at me and she would walk out of the room and never coming back. Maybe she would be nice and let me leave. Let me do what i was trying to do in the first place. Like she really wants to no what was going on in my head. I was getting mad now. My heads were in balls and going red from home hard i was holding them.

   "If i tell you can i leave the room? Can i stop talking to you? Or do you need to hear about my childhood as well? Id really just like to no how long this is going to take." I couldnt believe how mad i was over someone that i had just meant. But she was all the reasons i did what i did. I wish no one would have called 911 on me.

   "I guess if youd like to talk about your childhood and if thats the reason 911 got called on you. Then yes i would like to hear it, but if it has nothing to do with what happened i have no reason to hear it. I can tell by the way your talking to me and looking at me across the table you dont like me very much. I get this alot. Its not going to make me leave the room till i get what i need from you." I heard everything she was saying but i couldnt help but look around the room at all the pictures on the walls. There was a window before her and i could see the street and a park. All the little kids running around and playing. I saw a few dogs running after the kids. I always wanted a dog. But Miss.Roy most love dogs. There are dog pictures and painting all over the room. Theres one picture on the table that has a dog, black little dog with a kid beside it. The kid looks happy. Big smile and you can just tell from her eyes shes happy. I cant even remember the last time i looked that happy. Probably the day my Dad left. That was a pretty good day. The room was full of colour. Flowers and plants on everything. There was even a teddy bear that said "I love you" in a heart by the window.

   "Look, i got picked on alot in school and i was sick of it. So i tired to help myself by jumping in to the river. What more do i need to say?" I could feel the saddness from the last 3 years coming running back as the maddness i had just felt a min ago leave me. I could feel my eyes start to water. But i wasnt going to cry in front of her. There was no way i was going to cry. Not in this dog fulled room. "I broke. The reason i broke was because i had been tired to kill myself for the passed few days. And cutting myself wasnt doing its job. Next best thing was to jump. I was hoping i could jump before someone saw me and called the cops. But wearing all black and crying and standing there for a few hrs kind of tells someone "Hey, look at me.. im all sad and im going to jump." But i guess thats what there thinking anyways." I wanted to get up and leave. I never did how i felt. Planning on jump was the only thing i did that i wanted to do. And just before the cops showed up i felt so free. I felt almost happy. In a sick way, i couldnt wait to jump to make it all the way to happy. Even if its only for a few secs. "You no what." I said with a big smile on my face. "I was happy for a few mins before i jumped. I was happy beacuse i was doing something i wanted. But this.. right here. talking to you, isnt something i want to do." I said as i got up and walked to the room. I could see she was starting to stand up to stop me but before she could i was already running down the hall. I run so fast i couldnt believe it. What felt like a few secs was really a few mins and i was running outside. And again without trying to kill myself i felt free.

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This was incredibly dark, but somehow it couldn't cross the line. Even though this character was frustrated and angry, I still saw good in her. The woman listening seemed to reflect her positive traits to me.

The thing that stood out the most to me is that both of the characters seemed fragmented all by themselves...because of an incredible bond that made them feel as if they were part of a symbiotic relationship that was one being.

Thats what made me feel the scene literally tear apart when she ran away.
You did a marvelous job building this scene.