She Left....

Just knowing  you leaving  me has breaken  my heart. Know I can’t call you up late at night when I feel like my soul is falling apart, drives me up the walls. As I sit here looking over old notes you wrote to me and left in my mailbox before you left for school when I was sick. My eyes start to water and I can feel the tears fall down my face. I fall down on my bed were we both once slept because we couldn’t keep our eyes open any longer. Where we told jokes only we could understand and everyone else in  the free world had a clue what we were talking about. With every tear that fell on to my bed it felt like my heart was  breaking in to picese I could never put together. You we’re the only person I didn’t think I could ever live without but now that your gone I no how it really does feel to lose the one you love. You were always there to help me when I was down and you where always there to keep me up and you did everything in your power to keep up high in the sky.

“are you okay?” said my mother as she walked in to my room without even asking me if she could come in.  “Did you want to talk? I know its been a hard week for you.” She said as she walked over to my bed and put her hand on my head.

“to tell you the trust Mom I don’t really want to talk.” I was trying to hide my face because I didn’t want her to see the pain I was in because I didn’t want her  to be in any pain over me. “I kind of want to be alone if that is okay with you?” I just wanted to yell at her to leave because I couldn’t take her being in the same room with me anymore.

“okay sweetie. Just know me and your dad are here if you need us.” She said. I could tell by the way she said it that she was smiling. I don’t know if it was the fact that I had just lost one of my best friends or the fact I lost a lover but I couldn’t take having someone smiling around me because I didn’t want to be happy. I didn’t have to have anything to do with happy or anyone being happy. I wanted the world to be just as upset and mad and depressed as I was.

As my mom walked out of my bedroom door I could feel the last happy part of me leaving and all I was, was this big black hole of sadness. But it wasn’t all because she had left. I was happy for her because she was getting her life together. I wasn’t mad because of that. I just missed her. After all the bull s**t I had been throught this year I didn’t want to think about her leaving. Out of everything that had happened… I didn’t wan t to say the words “good-bye” .  I never wanted this to happened but it did and I can’t do anything about it because she made up her mind. “I’d be lying if I told you losing you was something I could handle” I said to myself knowing I would never tell you why I was so mad for you leaving. Knowing I could never tell you I loved you more then I could ever love anything harry potter. Knowing I could never tell her just how much I’ll miss her. But its to late shes gone and shes taken my heart with her even if she didn’t know it.

(for someone that means everything to me, and im sorry for being a little b***h)

Reviews

[From the Heart]

For You By E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Sweetheart you mean the world to me, and I cried thinking about all the amazing times we've had together wishing that they'll never end. I cried for weeks when you left, and I'm sure I'll cry for weeks longer when I leave. I mean god you are the special in my brownies and truely the light of my life. This will never be goodbye, you mean too much to me for this to ever be goodbye. When you left, it felt like the world crashed around me. I had to find myself. I will always be yours. You will always have my heart... I wouldn't trust anyone else with it. You can be sure that I'll be the one calling you at night, just like you called me. I will message you like crazy too. I love you honey bear and I'm pretty sure I always will because once upon a time I fell in love with you and I haven't fallen out of love since. We've been through rollercoasters of good and bad times, and we will go on so many more adventures together. The happiest moments of my life are when i'm with you, just like the saddest moments are without you. I'm gonna miss you more than anything. When I come back we should totally travel the world together, forget all our worries and just live. I don't want to do this without you anymore.