Cut

I don't cut myself because i love pain. To tell you the trust... I hate pain. I cry like a little baby when i get a paper cut. I don't cut myself because i'm so numb and the only thing i can feel is the cut on my skin. Believe me, i can feel all the saddness and happyness and numbness that comes in to my life and i'm still here today.

I cut myself because for a min, just a min, i feel alive. I can feel my life going somewhere i want it to go. I no you probably don't understand that but its what it feels like to me.  As the knife goes deeper and  deeper in to my skin. I start to plan my life. I can see the house i've always wanted. The yard i've always wanted to play in. The bedroom i've always wanted to sleep in. I have a big bed and the room has all the music from ever band i've ever hear of. All the movies i've always loved but didn't have the money to buy. And as I walk over to the other side of the room with my eyes wide open from looking at everything i've anyways wanted...

i'm falling. I'm falling in to a world everyone said i would be. I'd be a drugie living on the streets never knowing what my life really could be. As i see myself on the streets looking for someone that might just hand me a little money. Air starts going passed my face i see a bright light and i feel like nothing could go wrong.

"Hello? Are you okay in there" said someone from outside the bathroom door.

"I'm fine. I'll be out soon." I said but for some reason i couldn't open my eyes, it was like it was to hard to look at the world for what it was. As i tried to get up from being on the floor i fell. I fell on something wet. Something that didn't feel like water. As i made myself open up my eyes for just sec to see what it was, it was red and I looked down at my leg. I had been so lost in my thoughts, i didn't notices how deep i was cutting myself, and as the words came from the bathroom door, from the person i would never see, i fell asleep. For once in my life, i was at peace with the way things were, and the way my life was. I was gone forever.

Reviews

[Stella]

I get it.. i need spellcheck but i havnt so you all can stop telling me this.

[Alphachad]

Yep you need spellchecker allright. But not to worry, if you just read your stories over and over you'll see most of your mistakes (thats what i would do heh heh). Neverthless, your you have the imagination of a true writer. This story might be sad but your choice of words and the way you tell them are captivating and heartfelt. Keep it up :D

[kickstart gal]

Well, beauty doesn't come without pain, does it?

I think you captured quite well the conflict between control and helplessness that exists within any self-induced addiction. The imagery is young and fresh and realistic.

[Froticlias]

That's a really awesome little story. It's creepy and beautiful at the same time. Love it!